The Legendary Siblings Chapter 29
Jiang Yulang’s face was expressionless. Flatly he said, “If you are finished, please return to enjoy your wine.”
Xiao Yu’er stared at him. For quite some time. Finally he said, each word distinct, “Remember what I said, don’t you forget a word!”
Jiang Yulang remained impassive, and led him back, with his head lowered and back hunched. Once again Xiao Yu’er stared at his back, as if contemplating something.
The two of them re-entered. Xiao Mimi laughed: “It appears you had a lot of business to do.”
Xiao Yu’er rubbed his stomach, and gave a laugh: “Well, this stomach of mine…”
Jiang Yulang abruptly cut in: “He was lying about relieving himself. He wanted me to conspire with him. He wanted me to tell him a way out of here, and even asked me to escape with him.”
Xiao Mimi opened her eyes wide. Coldly she laughed, “Did you really want to leave, Jiang Yu? Forget asking him; I would have easily told you.”
Xiao Yu’er did not react, but merely burst into laughter. He said, “I have lived in the Valley of Evil for over a decade. How could this place be harder to escape from? I was only testing this little devil here, do you really believe him?”
She slowly replied, “Actually, it doesn’t matter if you lied or not. It would still be useless to ask him. No one knows the exit to this place, except for me.”
She patted Jiang Yulang on the head, smiling: “I didn’t know you were so honest.”
Jiang Yulang blushed. With eyes on the ground he murmured, “I only wish to be by my lady’s side. I don’t want to go anywhere else.”
Xiao Mimi laughed, pleased. “You little pervert, go to bed and rest, don’t think of silly things now.”
He glanced at Xiao Yu’er, protesting: “But he…my lady…”
“You want me to kill him?” Xiao Mimi asked.
Jiang Yulang said, “He…he’s too…” Xiao Mimi teasingly tugged his earlobe, and chuckled, “I don’t think you should be the one to be jealous. Get out of here.”
He lowered his head, turned around, and obediently left. Xiao Mimi didn’t spare him another glance; this little devil was nothing to her. No matter what tricks he tried to play, she could see right through him. She only had eyes for another little devil.
With a smile on his face, Xiao Yu’er said, “What a little rascal he is.”
Xiao Mimi countered: “If he’s a little rascal, you must be even worse.”
“You think I can’t compare to him?” Xiao Yu’er asked.
Xiao Mimi’s eyes crinkled in amusement: “Do you know why I haven’t killed you?”
“Because you can’t bear to,” he teased.
With a peal of laughter, she admitted, “That’s right. I can’t bear to kill you right now, I want to see just how good you are. Du Qiaoqiao must have taught you some devilry, and I…I want to try it.”
She slowly slid across the soft couch.(?) Desire flushed across her cheeks and forehead. Gently she murmured: “Won’t you come over? Are you waiting for me to teach you?”
Xiao Yu’er’s eyes darted back and forth, a smile on his face.
Xiao Mimi said in a low voice, “Well? What are you waiting for?”
He said, “It’s just that…”
Before he could finish his sentence, he was interrupted by Jiang Yulang rushing in. His face was drained of colour. In a trembling voice he said: “My…my lady, something’s wrong!”
“What are you doing?” Xiao Mimi snapped crossly.
Jiang Yulang stammered, “Dead…they are all dead.”
Her expression changed. “Who is dead?” Jiang Yulang could only say: “You…please come quickly…they…they…” He collapsed on the floor in a dead faint.
Corpses. Everywhere there were dead bodies. The crowd of youths dressed in light robes, not one of them remained alive.
Upon turning their faces, they found that some had exsanguinated from the seven orifices,(1) and some had been mutilated beyond recognition(?). Even Xiao Yu’er, normally calm and collected under most circumstances, felt a chill seep into his heart.
Xiao Mimi stamped her foot in shock and anger: “How…how did this happen?”
Xiao Yu’er’s eyes flickered back and forth as he realized: “Perhaps the old monster has secretly arrived.”
“Impossible, that is not possible!” Xiao Mimi declared. “No one knows about this place.”
Although her lips said “impossible”, she had already dashed outside. Suddenly she turned back and screamed: “Don’t you dare follow, or I’ll kill you!”
Xiao Yu’er laughed sarcastically, “Don’t worry, of course I know I won’t live long if I eavesdrop on your secrets. I still wish to live a while yet…”
No sooner had she rushed out the front door, Xiao Yu’er had reached the back entrance. Although he knew that Xiao Mimi was leaving by the secret entrance, he did not follow to find out where it was. The only reason was because he wanted to spy on another person’s secret!
He crouched on the floor, and opened half an eye. He saw Jiang Yulang suddenly arise from his swoon on the ground, and open an eye to survey his surroundings. He did not see Xiao Yu’er hiding there. Xiao Yu’er quietly breathed and did not move.
Suddenly Jiang Yulang called out, “Young master Jiang, Jiang Yu, you can come out now.”
Xiao Yu’er’s heart jumped. But he gritted his teeth and did not make a sound. Jiang Yulang waited a while, then jumped up. Unexpectedly he became swifter than a swallow in his movements, more slippery than a fish, livelier than a fox. With a flash, he darted into a small door to the side.
The small door was the place where he had taken Xiao Yu’er to relieve himself. Xiao Yu’er had oriented himself properly, and as soon as Jiang Yulang disappeared into the door, he followed and stared at that little door with half an eye.
He saw Jiang Yulang trying to squirm headfirst into the toilet. Xiao Yu’er, also swallow-like in his speed, crossed over. Jiang Yulang had lifted the lid of the toilet and plunged into it.
Suddenly his waist went numb, and the waistband of his pants was grasped by someone. He heard Xiao Yu’er laugh mockingly: “Well well well…trying to escape by yourself, that won’t do.”
This time his face was truly pale from fear. His voice shook: “Please…please don’t kid around with me.”
Xiao Yu’er burst into cold laughter: “Who’s kidding? Seriously now, what do you think you’re doing?”
Jiang Yulang stammered, “I…I just had to use the toilet.”
“Dog crap,” Xiao Yu’er said flatly. “You don’t need to dive into the pile of crap to relieve yourself!”
“I…I wanted to…”
Suppressing his laughter, Xiao Yu’er guessed: “You wanted to eat sh*t?”
Jiang Yulang mumbled, “I heard that feces could be used to cleanse poisons from the body. I am poisoned, so therefore…” Xiao Yu’er chuckled mirthlessly: “You little devil, you’ve got quite a tongue, but don’t think you can fool me. If you don’t tell me the truth now, I’ll drag you in front of Xiao Mimi. And I’ll tell her that you killed all these people!”
Jiang Yulang began to involuntarily twitch, all over his body. “No…no I didn’t…”
Xiao Yu’er said: “You killed them to divert Xiao Mimi, then you planned to hide in a secret place. When she finally gave up searching for you, you would then sneak out!”
“You…you…” was all Jiang Yulang could say.
Xiao Yu’er added, “What a little fiend; you really deserve to drink the used water from my footbaths. Tell you the truth- I saw through you a long time ago – if you want to escape alive, you’d better be a good boy and co-operate with me.”
Jiang Yulang let out a sigh, then said, “All right, you win. You were right, my hiding place is in the pile of crap. I wasted an entire year to dig it.”
Xiao Yu’er whistled: “Amazing, that you could have a hiding place here. You’re not afraid of the stink?”
“It’s not too smelly that I can’t use it to save my life,” Jiang Yulang retorted.
“I’ve seen many villains in my time,” Xiao Yu’er remarked, “but one so patient and ruthless, I have never met before, little devil. I have to say, I can’t help but admire you.”
Jiang Yulang interrupted him, “Quick, we’re running out of time. Let me go, I’ll lead you!”
Smiling, Xiao Yu’er let go of his hand and said, “If you clean it up a bit, I’ll…”
His words were cut short, Jiang Yulang suddenly kicked out with his two feet. His kicks were truly vicious and accurate; which was surprising since he didn’t appear to have such advanced martial arts.
Unfortunately, Xiao Yu’er had already accounted for that possibility. As soon as Jiang Yulang kicked again, the acupoints on his waist were all sealed. The entire lower half of his body was effectively paralyzed.
Xiao Yu’er sneered again: “Didn’t I already tell you, you can’t trick me. Be a good boy and crawl along now.”
Jiang Yulang’s voice trembled: “But I…I can’t move.”
“That’s all right,” Xiao Yu’er said. “You can’t move your legs, but you can pull yourself with your hands!”
Jiang Yulang fell silent and obediently scrabbled along with his arms.
The toilet was already designed with an underground drainage tunnel of sorts. What Jiang Yulang had done was scrape out a little tunnel branching out from it, large enough to accommodate his body. He moved along like a young snake.
Xiao Yu’er plugged his nose and followed. Luckily the stench disappeared after a short distance. He could only smile ironically and say: “And they call me a little monster. I think the little monster is you. Unbelievable, that you could think of this, and do such work in such a place.”
The small tunnel was only seven or eight feet long, and at its end there was a tiny room, which was only about seven or eight square feet in size. But inside, Jiang Yulang had set up four or five blankets, two tubs of water, one jar of wine, and a big pile of salted meat, preserved sausages, cakes, and there were also about ten books.
Xiao Yu’er looked and looked. He couldn’t help repeating himself: “You sure put a lot of effort into this, you’ve thought of every detail.” Jiang Yulang crouched in a corner, peering at him. His eyes were like those of a snake, they flickered with a poisonous, hateful, and devious light.
Xiao Yu’er looked back at him. He didn’t care if Jiang Yulang was a snake or a fox or even a slippery fish. Xiao Yu’er had never been afraid of evil people; the more evil they were, the more interesting he found them.
It was so still and lonely here underground, which was hard to bear, but at least it was safe. He leisurely flung himself onto a blanket and grabbed a sausage for himself. He sniffed at it and took a bite. The taste was pretty good, not bad at all.
Xiao Yu’er joked, “Hiding in a pile of crap, eating sausages in a pile of crap… Jiang Yulang you are really a genius.”
Jiang Yulang lowered his eyelids. He mumbled to himself, “Genius! Genius…”
“Carving out a hiding spot from a sewage drain is a pretty brilliant idea, only a really smart person would have thought of it,” Xiao Yu’er praised, laughing. “No matter how close an eye Xiao Mimi kept on you, she would never follow you around when you went to the bathroom.”
Jiang Yulang said glumly, “That’s right, it really is a genius idea. But after coming up with such an intelligent plan, do you know what price I had to pay, what agonies I had to suffer, could you even imagine?”
“Go ahead, tell me,” Xiao Yu’er said. “I enjoy hearing of others’ miseries.”
“All you would know about is the need for secrecy while pretending to defecate and digging this place,” Jiang Yulang spat out. “But could you imagine how many times I would have to sh*t in order to dig this kind of a hole?”
Xiao Yu’er agreed, “Hmm, it would take quite a few times.”
“Have you ever counted how many times a person goes in a day?” Jiang Yulang went on. “How many chances I would have in a year? If you crap too often, wouldn’t that make others suspicious?”
Scratching his head, Xiao Yu’er mused, “Mmm…that would…”
Jiang Yulang continued, “Just think of a person, digging like crazy while he was supposed to be crapping. But where would his crap go? Would he just hold it in forever and never go?”
Xiao Yu’er scratched his head again. He could only laugh wryly: “Hmm…that would be quite a difficulty. If you really took a sh*t while you were excused to go to the bathroom, you wouldn’t have time to dig your tunnel. But if you spent all your time digging, you wouldn’t be able to crap. So what did you do?”
Jiang Yulang laughed bitterly. He said, “What I did, you could never imagine. A fancy lord like you, could never dream of what a slave like me had to go through.”
His eyes widened, and he gritted his teeth. The words fell one by one from his lips: “I became like a dog. I crapped as I worked. I couldn’t waste a second in the toilet. I learned to strip off my clothes in the shortest time possible, once inside the bathroom. I almost froze to death half the time, but I had to stay there naked. I couldn’t dirty my clothes with the sh*t and mud, and arouse suspicion. But my body was covered in it.”
His lips stopped moving, and trembled, as if he wanted to vomit. Xiao Yu’er felt a strange emotion in his heart, and he tossed aside his half eaten sausage. He wanted to say something, but after a while, no words came out.
Jiang Yulang’s eyes were fixed on the piece of discarded sausage, and slowly said, “Do you know why I’m so scrawny?”
Xiao Yu’er said, “You…ummm…you…”
Jiang Yulang ground his teeth and snarled, “I’m skinny because I was forced to starve myself. To reduce the amount of crap I had to sh*t out every day. To save up food for this place.”
His teeth flashed white behind his lips as he gave a shrill laugh: “This was the life of a genius for a year. One whole year living like a dog, to get this place. And you! You haven’t done a thing, and you’re lying here ever so comfortable.”
Xiao Yu’er was still rubbing his head. Suddenly he smiled. “You want to know why?”
“Tell me,” Jiang Yulang hissed.
“Let me tell you,” Xiao Yu’er said, laughing, “this is because you are a genius. But I am a genius among geniuses. Someone as brilliant as me, would never be reduced to suffering like this.”
Jiang Yulang stared at him for a long while. Finally he lowered his head, muttering, “You’re right, I am definitely not your equal. You are brilliant!”
What should have been a compliment, somehow cast a chill through Xiao Yu’er’s body when he heard it. It sounded like he was spitting out a vicious curse. This stunted and pale youth, although perhaps not as clever as Xiao Yu’er, was far beyond him in terms of spitefulness and hatred.
This was especially true with respect to patience. Xiao Yu’er could never compare to this child. Patience was a virtue, but sometimes, if used the wrong way, it could be quite horrifying. Xiao Yu’er said no more.
He thought to himself: [If anyone in the world could be considered a rival for me, it would be this little fox.] But immediately he knew he was wrong. There was still another rival, and quite a formidable one at that!
Before his eyes flashed an image of an elegant, gentle and courteous figure. An ever considerate figure who never lost his temper.
Hua Wuque, a flawless gentleman. (2) He was not the least bit vicious, nor devious in any way. He seemed to be without evil intent. Aside from his martial arts, there appeared to be nothing worth fearing. But the type of person who seemed to have nothing worth fearing, was actually the one you should be most wary of. Hua Wuque was like an ocean, deep and vast, unfathomable.
Xiao Yu’er secretly sighed, and mumbled to himself, “That rascal is really an enigma. Anyone who can puzzle me, is not bad quality at all.”
Jiang Yulang looked at him, as if wanting to say something, but he restrained himself.
Xiao Yu’er saw him and laughed: “No, I wasn’t talking about you, I was thinking of someone else.”
“Oh,” said Jiang Yulang.
Xiao Yu’er mused, “The thing is, he doesn’t seem intelligent at all. But no matter how smart you are, or what tricks you use, it’s all useless against him. Because whatever strategy you try, he’ll never fall for it. In the end, you somehow wind up the loser.”
Jiang Yulang laughed indifferently: “I’ve never met that kind of person before…”
With a chuckle, Xiao Yu’er said, “Just you wait, as long as you live to get out of here, you will.”
Despairingly, Jiang Yulang echoed him, “If only I live to get out of here…”
Suddenly his expression changed. His voice cracked: “Oh no.”
Xiao Yu’er knew that if he was frightened, it must be something serious. Despite himself, his face also began to drain of colour. He said, “What is it?”
Jiang Yulang stammered, “You…did you replace the cover on top of the toilet after you entered the tunnel?”
With wide eyes Xiao Yu’er admitted, “Oh no, I didn’t, I forgot.”
His face pale, Jiang Yulang moaned, “When she finds us missing, Xiao Mimi will search everywhere, if she sees this…”
Xiao Yu’er smiled comfortingly, “Maybe you’re too obsessive, do you really think she would look for us in the toilet?”
Jiang Yulang countered: “Of course I’m obsessive. Even a little mistake could cost me my life. Have you any idea of the depth of Xiao Mimi’s martial arts?”
Xiao Yu’er laughed sarcastically: “It’s precisely because I don’t know how good she is, that’s why I’ve never dared to cross her…when dealing with someone stupid, it doesn’t matter how good their martial arts are. But she, on the other hand, she is a monster.”
Sighing, Jiang Yulang explained, “You couldn’t even imagine the height of her abilities. According to rumour, she has had more than seven hundred lovers. Among them were disciples of the Famed Seven Swords. If each lover merely taught her a single stroke, that would be enough to make her terrifying.”
Xiao Yu’er’s eyes darted back and forth. Finally he said, “In that case, we should probably be very careful. I’ll sneak out and cover the lid back up.”
Jiang Yulang cut him off: “Wait.” As he spoke, he was listening with his ear pressed against the dirt wall. After a pause, he turned to Xiao Yu’er, ashen-faced. “Sh*t. She’s come back.”
End of Chapter 29
