The Deer And The Cauldron 18

The Deer And The Cauldron 18
第十八回　金刚宝杵卫帝释 雕篆石碣敲头陀

The Hermitage

突然间门口金光一闪，僧房中伸出一根黄金大杵，波波两声，击在两名喇嘛头上。黄金杵随即缩进，两名喇嘛一声也不出，脑浆迸裂，死在门口。这一下变故大出众人意料之外。巴颜大声斥骂，又有三名喇嘛向门中抢去。这次三人都已有备，舞动钢刀，护住头顶。第一名喇嘛刚踏进门，那黄金杵击将下来，连刀打落，金杵和钢刀同时打中那喇嘛头顶。第二名喇嘛全力挺刀上迎，可是金杵落下时似有千斤之力，钢刀竟未阻得金杵丝毫，波的一声，又打得头骨粉碎。第三名喇嘛吓得脸色如土，钢刀落地，逃了回来。巴颜破口大骂，却也不敢亲自攻门。
With a sudden flash of light, a golden cudgel-like object came swinging out through the hermitage doorway—bong-bong—and dealt each of the two lamas a devastating blow on the head. They fell silently to the ground, and the contents of their brains spilled out from their broken heads. Stunned by this turn of events, Brother Bayen began cursing and swearing. Three more lamas went into the attack, this time drawing their swords to protect their heads. The one in front had no sooner reached the doorway than out came that golden cudgel again, smashing past his sword and onto his head. The second lama went bravely on, sword raised, but he too had his brains spilled like soft noodles. The third dropped his sword to the ground in terror and fled. Bayen ranted and raved, but was certainly not planning to step into the breach himself.

皇甫阁叫道：“上屋去，揭瓦片往下打。”当下便有四名汉子跳上屋顶，揭了瓦片，从空洞中向屋内投去。皇甫阁又叫：“将沙石抛进屋去。”他手下汉子依言拾起地下沙石，从木门中抛进僧房。
‘Onto the roof!’ cried Huangfu. Take off the tiles and throw them inside!’ Four of his men obeyed these instructions, while others gathered stones and began hurling them through the open doorway.

从门中投进的沙石大部被屋内那人用金杵反激出来，从屋顶投落的瓦片，却一片片的都掉了下去。这么一来，屋内之人武功再高，也已无法容身。忽听得一声莽牛也似的怒吼，一个胖大和尚左手挽了一个僧人，右手抡动金杵，大踏步走出门来。这莽和尚比之常人少说也高了一个半头，威风凛凛，直似天神一般，金杵晃动，黄光闪闪，大声喝道：“都活得不耐烦了？”只见他一张紫酱色的脸膛，一堆乱茅草也似的短须，僧衣破烂，破孔中露出虬结起伏的肌肉，膀阔腰粗，手大脚大。皇甫阁、巴颜等见到他这般威势，都不由自主的倒退了几步。
Most of the stones were batted back out again by the wielder of the golden cudgel. But the tiles seemed to have more success, and several of them landed inside. Sooner or later the occupants of the hermitage would surely be forced out. Suddenly, with a great bull-like bellowing, a massive monk came striding out of the doorway, his left arm clutching the form of another monk, while his right hand brandished the golden cudgel that had just wrought such havoc. This man must have been a good head taller than the average stature, and presented a terrifying spectacle. He was somewhat like a temple door-god come to life, with his great livid face, his bristling beard and moustaches, his huge hands and feet. Through his tattered monk’s robe a glimpse could be caught of his muscular torso, his broad arms, and his knotted midriff. Bayen and Huangfu found themselves instinctively retreating before this giant.

巴颜叫道：“这贼秃只一个人，怕他什么？大伙儿齐上。”皇甫阁叫道：“大家小心，别伤了他身旁那和尚。”众人向那僧人瞧去，只见他三十来岁年纪，身高体瘦，丰神俊朗，双目低垂，对周遭情势竟是不瞧半眼。
‘He . . . only one man!’ shrieked Bayen. ‘He . . . only one big fat! Why frightened? Everyone … go fight!’ ‘Take care!’ cried Huangfu in some alarm. ‘Don’t harm the other one—the one he’s carrying!’ Trinket studied this second monk more closely. He was a tallish, lightly-built man in his mid thirties, with fine features and a general air of distinction. Throughout the confrontation he held his eyes averted, cast firmly towards the ground.

韦小宝心头突地一跳，寻思：“这人定是小皇帝的爸爸了，只是相貌不大像，他可比小皇帝好看得多。原来他还这般年轻。”便在此时，十余名喇嘛齐向莽和尚攻去。那莽和尚挥动金杵，波波波响声不绝，每一响便有一名喇嘛中杵倒地而死。皇甫阁左手向腰间一探，解下一条软鞭，巴颜从手下喇嘛手中接过兵刃，乃是一对短柄铁锤。两人分从左右夹攻而上。皇甫阁软鞭抖动，鞭梢横卷，刷的一声，在那莽和尚颈中抽了一记。那和尚哇哇大叫，挥杵向巴颜打去。巴颜举起双锤硬挡，铮的一声大响，手臂酸麻，双锤脱手，那和尚却又给软鞭在肩头击中。众人都看了出来，原来这和尚只是膂力奇大，武功却是平平。
Trinket’s heart missed a beat. That’s him!’ he thought to himself. That’s the Emperor’s dad! He’s even better looking dian Misty! Funny, somehow I expected him to be a lot older.’ Meanwhile, a dozen lamas had launched a concerted attack on the giant. He swung his golden cudgel, and—bong-bong-bong— one by one the lamas bit the dust. Huangfu now extracted a whip from his sash, while Bayen seized a pair of short-handled metal fighting-mallets from one of his followers. The two of them closed in on the big monk. Huangfu flicked his whip and watched its barbed tip curl around the monk’s throat. The monk gave a great yell and aimed his cudgel squarely at the Tibetan. Bayen parried firmly with bom mallets but, as he felt the cudgel’s impact, both his arms went numb and the two mallets fell from his hands.

一名喇嘛欺近身去，抓住了那中年僧人的左臂。那僧人哼了一声，并不挣扎。韦小宝低声道：“保护这和尚。”双儿道：“是！”晃身而前，伸手便向那喇嘛腰间戳去，那喇嘛应指而倒。她转身伸指向皇甫阁脸上虚点，皇甫阁向右闪开，她反手一指，点中了巴颜胸口。巴颜骂道：“妈——”仰天摔倒。双儿东一转，西一绕，纤手扬处，巴颜与皇甫阁带来的十几人纷纷摔倒。心溪叫道：“喂，喂，小……小施主……”双儿笑道：“喂，喂，老和尚！”伸指点中他腰间。
Meanwhile, another lama was launching an attack on the middle-aged monk. ‘Quick!’ whispered Trinket to Doublet. ‘Now!’ Doublet darted into action, immobilizing the lama with one well-aimed finger. Then she turned to deal with Huangfu, who ducked to one side to avoid her. She homed in instead on Bayen, landing a neat finger dead in the centre of his chest. The Tibetan howled with pain and fell flat on his back. Doublet continued, striking out left and right, and in a matter of minutes she had a dozen or so of their men on the ground. ‘Oh . . . please . . . dear son …” twittered Father Crystal. ‘Oh . . . please . . . dear father!’ laughed Doublet, poking a quick finger in his ribs.

皇甫阁闪动软鞭，护住前后左右，鞭子呼呼风响，一丈多圆圈中，直似水泼不进。双儿在鞭圈外盘旋游走。皇甫阁的软鞭越使越快，几次便要击到双儿身上，都给她迅捷避开，皇甫阁叫道：“好小子！”劲透鞭身，一条软鞭宛似长枪，笔直的向双儿胸口刺来。双儿脚下一滑，向前摔出，伸指直点皇甫阁小腹。皇甫阁左掌竖立，挡住她点来的一指，跟着软鞭的鞭梢突然回头，径点双儿背心。双儿着地滚开，情状颇为狼狈。韦小宝见双儿势将落败，心下大急，伸手在地下去抓泥沙，要撒向皇甫阁眼中，偏生地下扫得干干净净，全无泥沙可抓。双儿尚未站起，皇甫阁的软鞭已向她身上击落，韦小宝大叫：“打不得！”
Huangfu now whirled his whip around him, and Doublet danced round the outside of the circle it formed. Faster and faster moved the whip, faster and faster danced Doublet. Then Huangfu cried out ‘Clever little fellow!’, and in the same moment straightened the whip out and flicked it at Doublet. She shot forward under it and reached one deadly finger into Huangfu’s midriff. He parried with his left palm, while his right hand gave the whip a little nudge that brought the tip curling round into the small of Doublet’s back. Doublet scrambled away, but things were beginning to look dangerous. ‘No you don’t!’ yelled Trinket, searching the ground for particles of sand or grit or anything he could lay his hands on, to throw in Huangfu’s eyes. Unfortunately the ground had been swept immaculately clean.

那莽和尚急挥金杵，上前相救。蓦地里双儿右手抓住了软鞭鞭梢，皇甫阁使劲上甩，将她全身带将起来，甩向半空。韦小宝伸手入怀，也不管抓的是什么东西，掏出来便向皇甫阁脸上摔去。只见白纸飞舞，数十张纸片挡在皇甫阁眼前。皇甫阁忙伸手去抹开纸张，右手的劲立时消了。此时莽和尚的金杵也已击向头顶。皇甫阁大骇，忙坐倒相避。双儿身在半空，不等落地，左足便即踢出，正中皇甫阁的太阳穴。他“啊哟”一声，向后摔倒。砰的一声，火星四溅，黄金杵击在地下，离他脑袋不过半尺。双儿右足落地，跟着将软鞭夺了过来。
Meanwhile, the giant advanced on Huangfu. Trinket reached into his inside pocket, frantically grabbing the first thing he could find and throwing it in Huangfu’s face. Pieces of paper went fluttering through the air. And in that one split second when Huangfu was brushing them away, the giant brought down his golden cudgel. Huangfu tumbled out of range, but as he did so Doublet kicked out with her left foot and connected with his Great Solar point. He gave a cry of pain and rolled helplessly backwards. There was a great crash and flying sparks as the giant’s golden cudgel struck the ground inches from his head.

韦小宝大声喝彩：“好功夫！”拔出匕首，抢上去对住皇甫阁左眼，喝道：“你叫手下人都出去，谁都不许进来！”皇甫阁身不能动，脸上感到匕首的森森寒气，心下大骇，叫道：“你们都出去，叫大伙儿谁都不许进来。”他手下数十人迟疑半晌，见韦小宝挺匕首作势欲杀，当即奔出庙去。那莽和尚圆睁环眼，向双儿凝视半晌，嘿的一声，赞道：“好娃儿！”
‘Excellent kungfu!’ cried Trinket. Drawing his dagger, he rushed up and held the point of it to Huangfu’s left eye. ‘Order all of your men out of here! Now!’ Huangfu was incapable of moving and in no position to negotiate. He gave the order. The big monk glared at him. Then he gazed at Doublet for a moment, before giving a grunt of approval. ‘Hm, cute kid!’

左手倒提金杵，右手扶着那中年僧人，回进僧房。韦小宝抢上两步，想跟那中年僧人说几句话，竟已不及。双儿走到澄光身畔，解开了他穴道，说道：“这些坏蛋强凶霸道，冒犯了大和尚。”澄光站起身来，合十道：“小施主身怀绝技，解救本寺大难。老衲老眼昏花，不识高人，先前多有失敬。”双儿道：“没有啊，你一直对我们公子爷客气得很。”韦小宝定下神来，这才发觉，自己先前摔向皇甫阁脸面、蒙了他双眼的，竟是一大叠银票，哈哈大笑，说道：“见了银票不投降的，天下可没几个。我用几万两银票打过来，你非大叫投降不可。”双儿笑嘻嘻的拾起四下里飞散的银票，交回韦小宝。澄光问韦小宝道：“韦公子，此间之事，如何是好？”韦小宝笑道：“这三位朋友，吩咐你们的下人都散去了罢！”
Swinging his golden cudgel in his left hand, and still clutching the middle-aged monk under his right arm, he retreated back into the hermitage, and was gone before Trinket was able to speak with the monk he was carrying. Doublet was meanwhile releasing Father Aureole’s points. When she had finished, she gathered up the pieces of paper and handed them back to her master. Trinket laughed when he saw what they were: wads of banknotes! Slice, No Slice

皇甫阁当即提气叫道：“你们都到山下去等我。”只听得外面数百个人齐声答应。脚步声沙沙而响，顷刻间走了个干净。澄光心中略安，伸手去解心溪的穴道。韦小宝道：“方丈，且慢，我有话跟你商量。”澄光道：“是！这几位师兄给封了穴道，时间久了，手脚麻木，我先给他们解开了。”韦小宝道：“也不争在这一时三刻，咱们到那边厅上坐坐罢。”澄光点头道：“是。”向心溪道：“师兄且莫心急，回头跟你解穴。”带着韦小宝到西侧佛殿之中。韦小宝道：“方丈，这一干人当真是来找小喇嘛么？”澄光张口结舌，无法回答。
Huangfu was obliged to order his men (the several hundred of them still surrounding the monastery) to withdraw and wait for him at the foot of the hill. Father Aureole could finally breathe in peace. He made as if to release Father Crystal’s points, but before he could do so, Trinket stopped him and led him away into one of the monastery’s side chapels. ‘Father,’ he said, ‘do you believe their story? Do you think those men really came here looking for one of their own lost disciples?’ Father Aureole did not reply.

韦小宝凑嘴到他耳边，低声道：“我倒知道，他们是为那位皇帝和尚而来。”澄光身子一震，缓缓点头，道：“原来小施主早知道了。”韦小宝低声道：“我来到宝刹，拜忏做法事是假，乃是奉……奉命保护皇帝和尚。”澄光点头道：“原来如此。老衲本就心疑，小施主巴巴的赶来清凉寺做法事，样子不大像。”韦小宝道：“皇甫阁、巴颜他们虽然拿住了，可是捉老虎容易，放老虎难。倘苦放了他们，过几天又来纠缠不清，毕竟十分麻烦！”澄光道：“杀人是杀不得的。这寺里已伤了好几条人命。唉，阿弥陀佛，阿弥陀佛。”韦小宝道：“杀了他们也没用。这样罢，你叫人把这干人都绑了起来。咱们再仔细问问，他们来寻皇帝和尚，到底是什么用意。”
Trinket whispered in his ear: ‘I know why they came. They were looking for His Majesty. His Majesty the Monk …’ Father Aureole gave a start. Then he slowly nodded his head. ‘So you know about that, my son.’ That’s why I came here,’ said Trinket. To protect him. The rest was all pretence.’ ‘I myself wondered, I must confess.’ ‘I think it would be very dangerous to set those two free,’ Trinket continued. There must be no thought of killing them,’ replied the Abbot. Today has seen enough blood spilled in this holy place! Amida Buddha!’ ‘I agree. Simply tie them up, and question them. We must find out why they were looking for His Majesty.’

澄光有些为难，道：“这佛门清净之地，我们出家人私自绑人审问，似乎于理不合。”韦小宝道：“什么于理不合？他们想来杀光你庙里的和尚，难道于理就合得很了？我们如不审问明白，想法子对付，他们又来杀人，放火烧了你清凉寺，那怎么办？”澄光想了一会，点头道：“那也说得是，任凭施主吩咐。”拍拍手掌，召进一名和尚，吩咐道：“请那位皇甫先生过来，我们有话请教。”韦小宝道：“这皇甫阁甚是狡猾，只怕问不出什么，咱们还是先问那个大喇嘛。”澄光道：“对，对，我怎么想不到？”
‘But we are simple monks,’ protested Father Aureole. ‘Somehow it doesn’t seem right to treat them in this way.’ ‘And is what they did right? If we don’t do something about them, they’ll come back and burn your monastery down.’ Father Aureole pondered for a while, then nodded his agreement. He clapped his hands, and a monk came in answer to his summons. ‘Bring Mr Huangfu here. I wish to speak to him.’ ‘No!’ objected Trinket. ‘He’s too crafty. Question the lama first.’ ‘Yes, of course.’

两名和尚挟持着巴颜进殿，恼他杀害寺中僧人，将他重重往地下一摔。澄光道：“唉，怎地对大喇嘛没点礼貌？”两名僧人应道：“是！”退了出去。韦小宝左手提起一只椅子，右手用匕首将椅子脚不住批削。那匕首锋利无比，椅子脚一片片的削了下来，都不过一二分厚薄，便似削水果一般。澄光睁大了眼，不明他的用意。
Two monks dragged Bayen in and threw him roughly on the ground. ‘Show some respect to our distinguished guest!’ protested Father Aureole. ‘Yes, master!’ chorused the two monks as they withdrew. Trinket meanwhile had picked up a chair and with his dagger began sharpening the chair legs. He peeled off layer after layer, and the blade sliced through the wood as effortlessly as if he had been peeling the skin off a pear. Father Aureole watched him mystified.

韦小宝放下椅子，走到巴颜面前，左手摸了摸他脑袋，右手将匕首比了比，手势便和适才批削椅脚时一模一样。巴颜大叫：“不行！”澄光也叫：“使不得。”韦小宝怒道：“什么行不行的？我知道西藏的大喇嘛都练有一门铁头功，刀枪不入。我在北京之时，曾亲自用这把短剑削一个大喇嘛的脑袋，削了半天，也削他不动。大喇嘛，你是货真价实，还是冒牌货？不试你一试，怎能知道？”巴颜忙道：“这铁头功我没练过，你一削我就死。”韦小宝道：“不一定死的，削去两三寸，也不见得就死。我只削去你一层头盖，看到你的脑浆为止。一个人说真话，脑浆就不动，如果说谎骗人，脑浆就像煮开了的水一般滚个不休。我有话问你，不削开你的脑袋，怎知你说的是真话假话？”巴颜道：“别削，别削，我说真话就是。”韦小宝摸了摸他头皮，道：“是真是假，我怎么知道？”巴颜道：“我如说谎，你再削我头皮不迟。”
Then Trinket went up to Bayen, patted his head with his left hand, and with the dagger in his right hand began making a movement— just like the peeling he had just completed. ‘No!’ shouted Bayen. ‘On no account!’ concurred Father Aureole. ‘What do you mean?’ protested Trinket angrily. ‘I know these Tibetan lamas. They all practise Steel Head kungfu! Nothing can get into their brain-boxes! I tried it on one of them once in Peking. I peeled away for hours, and he never so much as budged an inch. Tell me, Brother Bayen, are you the real thing? Or are you a fake? There’s only one way to be sure, and that’s to test you out!’ ‘No slice!’ stammered Bayen. ‘No slice! Bayen . . . tell truth!’ Trinket fingered his scalp. ‘But how will I know?’ ‘If Bayen lie, then slice!’ suggested the lama hopefully.

韦小宝沉吟片刻，道：“好，那么我问你，是谁叫你到清凉寺来的？”巴颜道：“是菩萨顶真容院的大喇嘛，胜罗陀派我来的。”澄光道：“阿弥陀佛，五台山青庙黄庙，从无仇怨，菩萨顶的大喇嘛，怎么会叫你来捣乱？”巴颜道：“我也不是来捣乱。胜罗陀师兄命我来找一个三十来岁的和尚，说他盗了我们拉萨活佛的宝经，到清凉寺中躲了起来，因此非揪他出来不可。”澄光道：“阿弥陀佛，哪有此事？”韦小宝提起匕首，喝道：“你说谎，我削开你的头皮瞧瞧。”巴颜叫道：“没有，没有说谎。你不信去问胜罗陀师兄好了。他说，我们要假装走失了一个小喇嘛，其实是在找那中年和尚，又说那位皇甫先生认得这和尚，请他陪着来找人。胜罗陀师兄说，这和尚偷的是我们密宗的秘密藏经，‘大毗卢遮那佛神变加持经’，非同小可。如果我拿到了这和尚，那是一件大功，回到拉萨，活佛一定重重有赏。”
Trinket pondered this option a moment. ‘Very well. My first question is: who sent you here?’ ‘Great Lama Tsereng-bLo-do of Manjusri Monastery . . . sent here.’ ‘Holy name!’ cried Father Aureole. That’s right here on Wutai. Since when have the Lamaists of Wutai fought against us? Why did the Great Lama send you to make trouble here?’ ‘I no make trouble!’ protested Bayen. ‘Brother Tsereng . . . send me find monk. Monk . . . steal precious Sutra from Lhasa, belong Dalai Lama! He hide in Pure Coolness, so we come . . . take him away.’ ‘Holy name!’ cried the Abbot again. ‘I never heard of such carryings-on!’ ‘One lie, and I slice!’ threatened Trinket, brushing Bayen’s scalp with the blade of his dagger. ‘No lie!’ blurted out Bayen. ‘No lie! Ask Brother Tsereng! We pretend look for young lama . . . really look for… older monk. Mr Huangfu, he know monk, he come with us. Brother Tsereng say . . . this monk steal precious Lama Sutra, Mahaparamarthasatya Sutra! I find monk . . . number one good thing . . . return Lhasa . . . Dalai Lama give big reward!’

韦小宝见他脸色诚恳，似非作伪，料想他也是受人之愚，人家不让他得知顺治的真相，当下从怀中取出那封西藏文的书信，便是道上双儿擒住三名喇嘛、逼着取来的，展了开来，说道：“你念给我听，这信中写着些什么。”说着将匕首刃面平平的放在他头顶。
From the look on Bayen’s face during this lengthy recital, Trinket reckoned that this time he probably was telling the truth— the truth, that is, as far as Bayen himself was aware of it. The old lama had evidently been fed this story because the others did not want him to know about the Old Emperor. Trinket now produced the letter that they had taken from the three lamas on the road earlier, and thrust it in front of Bayen’s eyes. ‘Read this for me!’

巴颜道：“是，是！”叽哩咕噜的读了起来。韦小宝点头道：“不错，你读得很好，一个字也没读错。这位方丈大师不懂藏文，你用汉语将信里的话说出来。”巴颜道：“那信里说，这位大……大人物，的确是在五台山清凉寺中，最近得到消息，神……神龙教要将他请去，咱们可得先……先下手为强。”
As he said this, he pressed the edge of the dagger-blade against the lama’s scalp. ‘Yes! Yes!’ Bayen began uttering a long string of outlandish Tibetan syllables. Trinket nodded. ‘That’s right. Very good. Now do you mind saying all that in Chinese for the Father? He doesn’t happen to understand Tibetan.’ ‘Letter say . . .’ began Bayen. ‘Letter say … great person . . . at Pure Coolness Monastery. Latest news . . . Mystic Dragons . . . come get him. . . . Must get there first.’

韦小宝听他连“神龙教”三字也说了出来，料想不假，问道：“信里还说些什么？”巴颜道：“信里说，到清凉寺去请这位大人物，倒也不难，就怕神龙教得知讯息，也来抢夺，因此胜罗陀师兄请北京的达和尔师兄急速多派高手，前来相助。如果……如果桑结大喇嘛已经到了北京，他老人家当世无敌，亲来主持，那就……那就万失无一……”韦小宝笑骂：“他妈的！万无一失，什么‘万失无一’？”自己居然能纠正别人说成语的错误，那是千载难逢、万中无一之事，甚觉得意。巴颜道：“是，是，是万……万一无失……”韦小宝笑道：“你喇嘛奶奶的，还是说错了。还有呢？”巴颜道：“没有了，下面没有了。”韦小宝骂道：“他妈的，什么下面没有了？是我下面没有了，还是你下面没有了？”巴颜道：“大……大家下面没有了。”韦小宝道：“什么大家下面没有了？”巴颜道：“下面没有字了。”
Trinket nodded. ‘Anything else?’ ‘Letter say . . . Peking Great Lama Dahar … he send more men in case Mystic Dragons arrive. … If Great Lama Sangge already in Peking … he top fighter in whole world, can help. . . . Others no hand stance in Hell!’ Trinket burst out laughing. Tamardy! Hand what stance, you stupid lump of lama pudding!’ It was not often that Trinket had a chance to correct other people’s idioms.
‘Yes … no … yes . . .’ jabbered Bayen. ‘No … no … no … no handstand in Hell. . .’ ‘You mean he wouldn’t stand a chance in Hell, you big baboon! What else?’ ‘No else!’

韦小宝哈哈一笑，问道：“那皇甫阁是什么人？”巴颜道：“他是胜罗陀师兄请来的帮手，昨晚才到的。”韦小宝点点头，向澄光道：“方丈，我要审那个佛光寺的胖和尚了，你如不好意思，不妨在窗外听着。”澄光忙道：“最好，最好。”命人将巴颜带出，将心溪带来，自己回去禅房，也不在窗外听审。
‘And Mr Huangfu? Who’s he when he’s at home?’ The lama looked puzzled at the question. ‘Brother Tsereng … He not at home . . . Send for him. He come yesterday.’ Trinket nodded. He turned to Father Aureole. ‘I should like to question that Father Crystal, the fat monk from the Buddha Light Monastery. If you’d rather not be present, you can listen from outside.’ Father Aureole hastened to take his leave, and repaired to his cell.

心溪一进房就满脸堆笑，说道：“两位施主年纪轻轻，武功如此了得，老衲固然见所未见，而且是闻所未闻，少年英雄，真了不起，了不起！”韦小宝骂道：“操你奶奶的，谁要你拍马屁。”向他屁股上一脚踢去。心溪虽痛，脸上笑容不减，说道：“是，是，凡是真正的英雄好汉，那是决计不爱听马屁的。不过老和尚说的是真心话，算不得是拍马屁。”韦小宝道：“我问你，你到清凉寺来发疯，是谁派你来的？”
Father Crystal was all smiles as he came in. What superb kungfu, my young friend!’ he twittered. ‘Up your mother’s!’ snapped Trinket. Who asked you to lick my arse?’ He gave him a boot up the pants. It hurt, but Father Crystal kept on smiling. ‘Of course, no true hero likes to be praised! But I meant it, truly—’ ‘Shut up and answer this question. Who sent you here to put on this stupid little performance?’

心溪道：“施主问起，老僧不敢隐瞒。菩萨顶真容院大喇嘛胜罗陀，叫人送了二百两银子给我，请我陪他师弟巴颜，到清凉寺来找一……找一个人。老僧无功不受禄，只得陪他走一遭。”韦小宝又一脚踢去，骂道：“胡说八道，你还想骗我？快说老实话。”心溪道：“是，是，不瞒施主说，大喇嘛送了我三百两银子。”韦小宝道：“明明是一千两。”心溪道：“实实在在是五百两，再多一两，老和尚不是人。”韦小宝道：“那皇甫阁又是什么东西？”心溪道：“这下流胚子不是好东西，是巴颜这鬼喇嘛带来的。施主放了我之后，老僧立刻送他到五台县去，请知县大人好好治罪。清凉寺是佛门清静之地，怎容他来胡作非为？小施主，那几条人命，连同死了的几个喇嘛，咱们都推在他头上。”韦小宝脸一沉，道：“明明都是你杀的，怎能推在旁人头上？”心溪求道：“好少爷，你饶了我罢。”
‘My son, I would never dream of lying to you. It was Brother Tsereng-bLo-do, the Great Lama of the Manjusri Monastery, who presented me with two hundred taels to accompany his fellow lama Bayen here. They were looking for someone, I believe. But I just did it to earn a little money.’ Trinket gave him another boot. ‘Bullshit! Think you can pull that one on me? Now, give me the truth!’ ‘Yes, yes, my son. . . . Actually, it was three hundred taels.’ ‘You mean a thousand.’ ‘Five hundred, to tell the absolute truth.’ ‘And what about Huangfu?’ ‘A nasty piece of work. Brother Bayen brought him along. As soon as you let me go, I’ll take him to Wutai County and have the magistrate there punish him properly. I think we can pin all the deaths on him—’ ‘Why not on you?’

韦小宝叫人将他带出，带了皇甫阁来询问。这人却十分硬朗，一句话也不回答。对韦小宝匕首的威吓固然不加理睬，而双儿点他“天豁穴”穴道，他疼痛难当，忍不住呻吟，对韦小宝的问话却始终不答，只说：“你有种就将爷爷一刀杀了，折磨人的不是好汉。”韦小宝倒敬他是条汉子，道：“好，我们不折磨你。”命双儿解了他“天豁穴”的穴道。他命人将皇甫阁带出后，又去请了澄光方丈来，道：“这件事如何了局，咱们得跟那位大人物商量商量。”
Next it was Huangfu’s turn. He was a tough customer and refused to say a word. Trinket tried the dagger trick, but it had no effect. He sent for Doublet and told her to close his Celestial Gully point. Huangfu groaned with pain. But still he refused to answer Trinket’s questions. ‘Go on, kill me! But stop the torturing! That’s no way for a real man to behave!’ Trinket had a grudging respect for that kind of talk. He told Doublet to open the point. Having dismissed Huangfu, he sent for Father Aureole again. ‘We’ll have to discuss all of this with a certain Very Important Person,’ he declared. ‘Then we’ll know what to do.’

澄光摇头道：“他是决计不见外人的。”韦小宝怫然道：“甚么不见外人？刚才不是已经见过了？我们倘若拍手不管，他还不是给人捉了去？不出几天，北京大喇嘛又派人来，有个什么天下无敌的大高手，又还有甚么神龙教、乌龟教的，就算我们肯帮忙，也抵挡不了这许多人。”澄光道：“也说得是。”韦小宝道：“你去跟他说，事情紧急，非商量个办法出来不可。”澄光摇头道：“老衲答应过，寺中连老衲在内，都不跟他说话的。”韦小宝道：“好，我可不是你们寺里的和尚，我去跟他说话。”澄光道：“不行，不行。小施主一进僧房，他师弟那个莽和尚行颠，就会一杵打死了你。”韦小宝道：“他打不死我的。”
Father Aureole shook his head. ‘He absolutely refuses to set eyes on any outsider.’ Trinket started getting angry. ‘Don’t give me that! He’s just set eyes on a whole mob of people! And if we hadn’t stepped in, he’d have been carried off altogether. Listen, a few days from now we’ll have a whole new batch of lamas from Peking coming here, and this Great Fighting Lama whatever-his-name-is, and the Mystic Dragons, and the Spastic Turtles—and then our Very Important Person really will be up the creek!’ ‘I suppose you’re right.’ ‘Of course I’m right. You go and have a word with him. Tell him it’s a matter of life and death.’ Father Aureole shook his head. ‘I have already given him my word that none of us—not even I myself—will speak to him.’ ‘All right then. I’ll go. I’m not one of you.’ ‘No no! If you go in there, his friend, the big monk, Brother Headlong we call him—he’ll kill you with one blow!’ ‘Not me he won’t!’

澄光向双儿望了一眼，说道：“你就算差尊价将行颠和尚点倒，行痴仍然不会跟你说话的。”韦小宝道：“行痴？他法名叫做行痴？”澄光道：“是。原来施主不知。”韦小宝叹了口气，说道：“既然如此，我也无法可施了。你既没有‘万失无一’的好法子，可惜清凉寺好好一所古庙，却在你方丈手里毁了。”澄光愁眉苦脸，连连搓手，忽道：“我去问问玉林师兄，或者他有法子。”韦小宝道：“这位玉林大师是谁？”澄光道：“是行痴的传法师父。”韦小宝喜道：“好极，你带我去见这位老和尚。”
Father Aureole glanced at Doublet. ‘Even if your serving-boy manages to deal with Brother Headlong, Brother Wayward still won’t speak to you.’ ‘Brother Wayward? Is that his new name? Is that what you monks call him?’ ‘Yes, it is. I thought you knew.’
Trinket sighed pointedly. ‘I see. Very well then. There seems to be nothing I can do. Since you can’t come up with anything either, not even a “handstand in hell”—we’ll just have to stand back and watch your monastery being destroyed.’ Father Aureole frowned, and rubbed his hands together in great perplexity. An idea suddenly occurred to him. ‘I’ll go and speak to Venerable Yulin. Perhaps he can think of something.’ ‘And who’s he?’ ‘He is Brother Wayward’s Shifu.’ ‘Excellent. Let’s go and see him together.’Beyond the Dusty World

当下澄光领着韦小宝和双儿，从清凉寺后门出去，行了里许，来到一座小小旧庙，庙上也无匾额。澄光径行入内，到了后面禅房，只见一位白须白眉的老僧坐在蒲团上，正自闭目入定，对三人进来，似乎全然不觉。澄光打个手势，轻轻在旁边蒲团上坐下，低目双垂，双手合十。韦小宝肚里暗笑，跟着也坐了下来。双儿站在他身后。四下里万籁无声，这小庙中似乎就只这个老僧。
And so Father Aureole led Trinket and Doublet out through the back entrance of the monastery and onto the hillside behind. About half a mile further up they came to a little tumbledown temple, without a name-board above its entrance. Father Aureole walked in and through to the meditation chamber at the rear, and there found an elderly, white-haired monk sitting on his prayer-mat, his eyes closed in deep meditation. He seemed totally unaware of the three of them as they came in. Father Aureole sat down respectfully on a prayer-mat at the side, lowering his gaze and bringing his hands together in a gesture of prayer. Trinket did likewise (privately chuckling to himself at his newly acquired monkish ways). Doublet stood behind him. It was deathly silent in the little temple, which was apparently uninhabited except for this one old monk.

过了良久，那老僧始终纹丝不动，便如是死了一般，澄光竟也不动。韦小宝手麻脚酸，老大不耐烦，站起了又坐倒，坐倒又站起，心中对那老僧的十八代祖宗早已骂了数十遍。又过良久，那老僧吁了口气，缓缓睁开眼来，见到面前有人，也不感惊奇，只微微点了点头。澄光道：“师兄，行痴尘缘未断，有人找上寺来，要请师兄佛法化解。”那老僧玉林道：“境由心生，化解在己。”澄光道：“外魔极重，清凉寺有难。”便将心溪、巴颜、皇甫阁等人意欲劫持行痴，幸蒙韦小宝主仆出手相救等情说了，又说双方都死了数人，看来对方不肯善罢甘休。玉林默默听毕，一言不发，闭上双目，又入定去了。
An age seemed to go by, and still Venerable Yulin did not so much as move a muscle. Father Aureole sat motionless too. Trinket was beginning to get pins and needles, and kept restlessly jumping up and sitting down again, inwardly cursing the old bonze and his ancestors. Another age went by, and the old man finally took a deep breath and slowly opened his eyes. He did not register any surprise at the fact that he was not alone, but merely nodded. ‘My Revered Brother in the Dharma,’ began Father Aureole, ‘it seems that Brother Wayward’s worldly karma is not yet extinguished. Trouble is at hand.’ He proceeded to tell the old bonze the whole story. Yulin listened in total silence, then closed his eyes, and seemed to drift back into a meditative trance.

韦小宝大怒，霍地站起，破口大骂：“操……”只骂得一个字，澄光连打手势，求他不可生气，又求他坐下来等候。这一回玉林入定，又是小半个时辰。韦小宝心想：“天下强盗贼骨头，泼妇大混蛋，也都没这老和尚讨厌。”好不容易玉林又睁开眼来，问道：“韦施主从北京来？”韦小宝道：“是。”玉林又问：“韦施主在皇上身边办事？”韦小宝大吃一惊，跳起身来，道：“你……你……你怎么知道？”
Trinket’s impatience finally got the better of him, and he jumped to his feet. ‘Cut the karma!’ he cried angrily. ‘Time’s running out!’ His imprecations were, however, cut short by Father Aureole, who gesticulated to him urgently, and indicated that he should be quiet and sit down. Half an hour of further meditation passed (on the part of Yulin). With every minute Trinket’s opinion of the bonze sank lower and lower. Finally the old man opened his eyes again and spoke. ‘Mr Wei, my son, have you come from Peking?’ ‘I have.’ ‘Have you been waiting upon His Majesty?’ Trinket started. ‘How did you . . . know that?’

玉林道：“老衲只是猜想。”韦小宝心想：“这老和尚邪门，只怕真有些法力。”心中可不敢再骂他了，规规矩矩的坐了下来。玉林道：“皇上差韦施主来见行痴，有什么说话？”韦小宝心想：“这老和尚甚么都知道，瞒他也是无用。”说道：“皇上得知老皇爷尚在人世，又喜又悲，派我来向老皇爷磕头请安。如果……如果老皇爷肯返驾回宫，那是再好不过了。”康熙本说查明真相之后，自己上五台山来朝见父皇，这话韦小宝却瞒住了不说。玉林道：“皇上命施主带来甚么信物？”韦小宝从贴肉里衣袋中，取出康熙亲笔所写御札，双手呈上，道：“大师请看。”御札上写的是：“敕令御前侍卫副总管钦赐穿黄马褂韦小宝前赴五台山一带公干，各省文武官员受命调遣，钦此。”玉林接过看了，还给韦小宝，道：“原来是御前侍卫副总管韦大人，多有失敬了。”
‘I was just guessing.’ ‘What a weird old boy!’ thought Trinket to himself, and silently resolved to show him a little more respect. ‘So what has His Majesty asked you to come and talk to Brother Wayward about?’ ‘He seems to know everything!’ Trinket thought to himself. ‘No use trying to pull the wool over his eyes!’ ‘When His Majesty learned that his father was still alive, he was both happy and sad. He sent me here to kowtow and to bring a devoted son’s heartfelt greetings. His Majesty would be overjoyed if… if His Old Majesty were willing to return to the Palace.’ He made no mention of Kang Xi’s intention to pay a visit to Wutai himself, if the news that his father was there proved to be true. He was keeping that back for the time being. Yulin asked to see something in writing from the Emperor, and Trinket produced Kang Xi’s handwritten letter and presented it to him respectfully with both hands. Yulin read it and handed it back to Trinket. ‘So you are Lieutenant-Colonel Wei of the Palace Guards? My humblest respects!’

韦小宝心下得意：“你可不敢再小觑我了罢？”可是见玉林脸上神色，也没甚么恭敬之意，心中的得意又淡了下来。玉林道：“韦施主，以你之意，该当如何处置？”韦小宝道：“我要叩见老皇爷，听老皇爷的吩咐。”玉林道：“他以前富有四海，可是出家之后，尘缘早已斩断，‘老皇爷’三字，再也休得提起，以免骇人听闻，扰了他的清修。”韦小宝默然不答。
Trinket’s sense of satisfaction was somewhat marred by the expression on the old bonze’s face as he said this, which mingled disdain with detachment, and seemed devoid of any actual respect, let alone humility. ‘So tell me, my son, what do you plan to do now?’ ‘I should like to kneel before the Old Emperor, and hear his instructions.’ ‘He used once to be ruler of all that he surveyed,’ commented Yulin. ‘But since he entered the Gate of the Dharma, he has left the red dust of the world behind him. You must never utter the words “His Old Majesty” or “Old Emperor” again. Someone might hear, and his tranquillity would be for ever disrupted.’ Trinket fell silent.

玉林又道：“请回去启奏皇上，行痴不愿见你，也不愿再见外人。”韦小宝道：“皇上是他儿子，可不是外人。”玉林道：“什么叫出家？家已不是家，妻子儿女都是外人了。”韦小宝心想：“看来都是你这老和尚在捣鬼，从中阻拦。老皇爷就算不肯回宫，也不至于连儿子也不见。”说道：“既然如此，我去调遣人马，上五台山来保护守卫，不许闲杂人等进寺来啰唣滋扰。”玉林微微一笑，说道：“这么一来，清凉寺变成了皇宫内院、官府衙门；韦大人这位御前侍卫副总管，变成在清凉寺当差了。那么行痴还不如回北京皇宫去直截了当。”韦小宝道：“原来大师另有保护老……他老人家的妙法，在下洗……洗耳恭听。”玉林微笑道：“韦施主小小年纪，果然是个厉害脚色，难怪十几岁的少年，便已做到这样的大官。”顿了一顿，续道：“妙法是没有，出家人与世无争，逆来顺受。多谢韦施主一番美意，清凉寺倘然真有祸殃，那也是在劫难逃。”说着合十行礼，闭上双目，入定去了。
‘I must ask you,’ Yulin continued, ‘to report back to His Majesty, that Brother Wayward wishes to see no one, neither you nor any other intruder from the dusty world.’ ‘But my Master the Emperor is his son!’ exclaimed Trinket. ‘He’s not an intruder!’ ‘For one who has entered within the portals of the Lord Buddha,’ pronounced Yulin, ‘family is no longer family. From that time forth, wife and children are all of them intruders.’ Trinket found this very hard to accept. He went on to offer his services as a simple guard in attendance on the Old Emperor, but Yulin politely brushed the idea aside, brought the palms of his hands together, closed his eyes, and drifted off again.

澄光站起身来，打个手势，退了出去，走到门边，向玉林躬身行礼。韦小宝向玉林扮个鬼脸，伸伸舌头，右手大拇指按住自己鼻子，四指向着玉林招了几招，意思是说：“好臭，好臭！”玉林闭着眼睛，也瞧不见。三人来到庙外，澄光道：“玉林大师是得道高僧，已有明示。老衲去将心溪方丈他们都放了。韦施主，今日相见，也是有缘，这就别过。”说着双手合十，鞠躬行礼，竟是不让他再进清凉寺去。
Father Aureole rose to his feet, retreated to the door, and bowed to Yulin. Trinket pulled a face, stuck his tongue out and, putting the thumb of his right hand to his nose, twiddled his four fingers at the old bonze as if to say, ‘Here’s to you, you old fart!’ Yulin’s eyes were closed, and he saw none of this. When the three of them were outside again, Father Aureole spoke to Trinket: The Venerable Yulin is an extremely distinguished and enlightened member of our order. Now I must go and tell Father Crystal and the others they can leave. It has been a great privilege to meet you, my son. I must be on my way.’ He brought his palms together and bowed deeply. Clearly he had no intention of welcoming Trinket and his friends back to the monastery.

韦小宝心头火起，说道：“很好，你们自有万失无一的妙计，倒是我多事了。”命双儿去叫了于八等一干人，径自下山，又回到灵境寺去借宿。他昨晚在灵境寺曾布施了七十两银子。住持见大施主又再光降，殷勤相待。
‘Very well then,’ replied Trinket, greatly mortified. ‘Since you’ve obviously got a cunning plan up your sleeve, I’ll just leave you to it!’ He sent Doublet to fetch Wurtle and their bearers, and they all set off back down the hill to the Holy Precinct Monastery. A Strong Bond

在客房之中，韦小宝一手支颐，寻思：“老皇爷是见到了，原来他一点也不老，却是危险得紧，西藏喇嘛要捉他，神龙教又要捉他。那玉林老贼秃装模作样，没点屁本事，澄光方丈一个人又有甚么用？只怕几天之后，老皇爷便会给人捉了去。我又怎生向小玄子交代？”一转头，见双儿秀眉紧锁，神色甚是不快，问道：“双儿，什么事不高兴？”双儿道：“没什么。”韦小宝道：“你一定在想心事，快跟我说。”双儿道：“真的没什么。”韦小宝一转念，道：“啊，知道啦。你怪我在朝廷里作官，一直没跟你说。”双儿眼眶儿红了，道：“鞑子皇帝是大坏人，相公你……怎么做他们的官？而且还做了大官。”说着眼泪从双颊上流了下来。
Back in his room in the monastery, Trinket sat, chin on hand, lost in thought. ‘So: I’ve seen His Old Majesty, and he’s not a bit old—but he’s in serious danger! What with the lamas and the Mystic Dragons all after him, and that old fart of a bald turtle Yulin, who’s a pretentious idiot, and Father Aureole, who’s no use to man or beast… I give the Old Emperor a few days at the most. What am I going to tell Misty? I mustn’t let him down! What am I going to do?’ He looked up at Doublet, and saw that her face was locked in a frown. ‘What’s the trouble?’ he asked her. ‘Oh, nothing.’ ‘Come on, I can see there’s something troubling you. Tell me what it is.’ ‘No, really, it’s nothing.’ ‘I know what it is: you’re cross with me for not telling you that I actually worked for the Emperor in the Palace?’ ‘How could you?’ burst out Doublet, her face flushing. ‘How could you do such a thing? The Tartars are wicked, wicked people! And to think that you’re one of them!’ Tears were running down both her cheeks.

韦小宝一呆，道：“傻孩子，那又用得着哭的。”双儿抽抽噎噎的道：“三少奶把我给了相公，吩咐我服侍你，听你的话。可是……可是你在朝里做……做大官，我爸爸妈妈，还有两个哥哥，都是给恶官杀死的，你……你……”说着放声哭了出来。
Trinket stared at her a moment. ‘Silly girl! There’s no need to cry!’ ‘My Lady gave me to you,’ sobbed Doublet, ‘to serve and obey. But how can I? My father and mother, my two brothers, were all of them killed by the very people you work for …” She started wailing out loud.

韦小宝一时手足无措，忙道：“好啦，好啦！现下什么都不瞒你。老实跟你说，我做官是假的，我是天地会青木堂的香主，‘天父地母，反清复明’，你懂了吗？我师父是天地会的总舵主，我早跟你三少奶说过了。我们天地会专跟朝廷作对。我师父派我混进皇宫里去做官，为的是打探鞑子的消息。这件事十分秘密，倘若给人知道了，我可性命不保。”双儿伸手按住韦小宝嘴唇，低声道：“那你快别说了。都是我不好，逼你说出来。”说着破涕为笑，又道：“相公是好人，当然不会去做坏事。我……我真是个笨丫头。”韦小宝笑道：“你是个乖丫头。”
For an instant Trinket seemed at a loss what to say. Then suddenly he made up his mind. ‘All right then. I’d better tell you the truth. All of that Palace stuff is just a front. Really I’m working for the Triads. I’m Lodge Master of the Green Wood Lodge, and I’m working on a top-secret mission in the Palace, collecting information … If the Tartars ever get to know, my life will be in danger.’ Doublet held her hand to his lips and whispered: ‘Shush! I’m sorry. I should never have made you tell me.’ A smile of joy lit up her tear-streaked face. ‘So you are a good person after all! I knew you had to be! How stupid I’ve been . . .’ ‘No, on the contrary, you’re very clever.’

拉着她手，让她坐在炕沿上自己身边，低声将顺治与康熙之间的情由说了，又道：“小皇帝还只十几岁，他爹爹出家做了和尚，不要他了，你想可怜不可怜？今天来促他的那些家伙，都是大大的坏人，亏得你救了他。”
He took her hand, and sat her down next to him on the kang. He told her all about the two Emperors, whispering into her ear, and painted the Old Emperor’s present situation in a desperate light.

双儿吁了口气，道：“我总算做了一件好事。”韦小宝道：“不过送佛送上西天。那些人又给方丈放了。他们一定不肯甘心，回头又要去捉那老皇帝，将他身上的肉一块块割下来，煮来吃了，岂不糟糕？”他知道双儿心好，要激她勇于救人，故意将顺治的处境说得十分悲惨。双儿身子一颤，道：“他们要吃他的肉，那为什么？”韦小宝道：“唐僧和尚到西天取经，这故事你听过么？”双儿道：“听过的，还有孙悟空、猪八戒。”韦小宝道：“一路上有许多妖怪，都想吃唐僧的肉，说他是圣僧，吃了他肉就成佛成仙。”双儿道：“啊，我明白啦，这些坏人以为老皇帝和尚也是圣僧。”韦小宝道：“是啊，你真聪明。老皇帝和尚好比是唐僧，那些坏人是妖怪，我是孙猴儿孙行者，你就是……是……”说着双掌放在自己耳旁，一招一晃，作扇风之状。双儿笑道：“你说我是猪八戒？”韦小宝道：“你相貌像观音菩萨，不过做的是猪八戒的事。”双儿连忙摇手，道：“别说冒犯菩萨的话。相公，你做观音菩萨身边的那个善才童子红孩儿，我就是……”说到这里，脸上一红，下面的话咽住不说了。

韦小宝道：“不错！我做善才童子，你就是龙女。咱二人老是在一起，说什么也不分开。”双儿脸颊更加红了，低声道：“我自然永远服侍你，除非……除非你不要我了，将我赶走。”韦小宝伸掌在自己头颈里一斩，道：“就是杀了我头，也不赶你走。除非你不要我了，自己偷偷的走了。”双儿也伸掌在自己颈里一斩，道：“杀了我头，也不会走。”两人同时哈哈大笑。双儿自跟着韦小宝后，主仆之分守得甚严，极少跟他说笑，这时听韦小宝吐露真相，心中甚是欢畅。两人这么一笑，情谊又亲密了几分。
Then he talked about the two of them. ‘You and I will never part,’ he said. ‘We’ll always be together.’ Doublet blushed. ‘I’ll never leave you,’ she whispered. ‘Unless, of course, you send me packing . . .’ Trinket raised his hand to his throat and made a sideways chopping motion. ‘If I ever send you packing, may my head be chopped from my body!’ Doublet copied his gesture, and they both burst out laughing. Doublet had always conformed to the role of servant, and hardly ever allowed herself to smile, let alone laugh, in her master’s presence. The open way in which he had just spoken to her made her feel strangely happy. The bond between them grew stronger and more intimate as a result.

Dangerous Thoughts breed Danger

韦小宝道：“好，我们自己的事情说过了。可怎么想个法儿，去救唐僧？”双儿笑道：“救唐僧和尚，总是齐天大圣出主意，猪八戒只是个跟屁虫。”韦小宝笑道：“猪八戒真有你这样好看，唐僧也不出家做和尚了。”双儿问道：“那为什么？”韦小宝道：“唐僧自然娶了猪八戒做老婆啦。”双儿噗哧一声，笑了出来，说道：“猪八戒是猪猡精，谁讨他做老婆啊？”韦小宝听她说到娶猪精做老婆，忽然想起那口“花雕茯苓猪”沐剑屏来，不知她和方怡此刻身在何处，是否平安。双儿见韦小宝呆呆出神，不敢打断他思路。过了一会，韦小宝道：“得想个法子，不让坏人捉了老皇帝去。双儿，譬如有一样宝贝，很多贼骨头都想去偷，咱们使什么法儿，好教贼骨头偷不到？”双儿道：“见到贼骨头来偷宝贝，便都捉了起来。”韦小宝摇头道：“贼骨头太多，捉不完的。我们自己去做贼骨头。”双儿道：“我们做贼骨头？”韦小宝道：“对！我们先下手为强，将宝贝偷到了手，别的贼骨头就偷不到了。”双儿拍手笑道：“我懂啦，我们去把老皇帝和尚捉了来。”韦小宝道：“正是。事不宜迟，立刻就走。”
Trinket and Doublet sat there for a long while discussing the Old Emperor’s predicament and the possible ways of saving him from the threat of capture. Finally Trinket hit upon the idea of pre-empting their rivals by kidnapping him first themselves.

两人来到清凉寺外，韦小宝道：“天还没黑，偷东西偷和尚，都得等到天黑了才干。”两人躲在树林之中，好容易等到满山皆暗，万籁无声。韦小宝低声道：“寺里只方丈一人会武功，好在他刚才打斗受了伤，定在躺着休息。你去将那个胖大和尚行颠点倒了，我们便可将老皇帝和尚偷出来。只是那行颠力气极大，那根黄金杵打人可厉害得很，须当小心。”双儿点头称是。
With this plan in mind, they set off back to the Pure Coolness Monastery. ‘We’d better wait for dark,’ said Trinket. They hid among some trees and waited for night to fall. ‘Luckily for us,’ whispered Trinket, ‘the Abbot’s the only trained fighter in the monastery, and he’s wounded and certain to be resting in bed. You had better immobilize that big fat monk, Brother Headlong, and I’ll look after His Old Majesty. Just watch out for that golden cudgel of his!’ Doublet nodded.

倾听四下无人，两人轻轻跃进围墙，径到顺治坐禅的僧房之外，只见板门已然关上，但那门板日间给人踢坏了，一时未及修理，只这么搁着挡风。双儿贴着墙壁走进，将门板向左一拉，只见黄光闪动，呼的一声响，黄金杵从空隙中击了出来。双儿待金杵上提，疾跃入内，伸指在行颠胸口要穴连点两指，低声道：“真对不住！”
Under cover of darkness they crept stealthily through the monastery grounds to the little hermitage where Shun Zhi was staying. The wooden double-door was closed, but the damage done to it earlier had still not been repaired and Doublet was easily able to pull open the left leaf. As she did so there was a golden flash and a great bellow, and the golden cudgel came shooting out of the doorway. In that instant, as the cudgel was raised to begin its devastating descent, Doublet dived in underneath it and shot out two fingers, aiming with deadly accuracy at two Vital Points on the giant’s chest. Even as she did so she whispered: ‘Very sorry!’

提起双手，抱住了他手中金杵。行颠穴道被制，身子慢慢软倒。这金杵重达百余斤，双儿若不抱住，落将下来，非压碎他脚趾不可。韦小宝跟着闪进，拉上了门板。僧房甚小，黑暗中隐约见到有人坐在蒲团之上，韦小宝料知便是法名行痴的顺治皇帝，当即跪倒磕头，就道：“奴才韦小宝，便是日里救驾的，请老皇爷不必惊慌。”
At the same time she caught hold of the great cudgel with both hands. Brother Headlong sank slowly to the ground. The cudgel must have weighed at least a hundred catties, and it was a good thing Doublet got hold of it, or it would have come falling down and crushed her feet. Trinket meanwhile opened the other half of the door and darted in. In the dark interior he could just make out the figure of a man sitting on a prayer-mat. He fell to his knees and kowtowed. ‘Your humble servant Trinket, Majesty. I’m the one who came to save you earlier today. Don’t be scared.’

行痴默不作声。韦小宝又道：“老皇爷在此清修，本来很好，不过外面有许多坏人，想捉了老皇爷去，要对你不利。奴才为了保护老皇爷，想请你去另一个安稳所在，免得给坏人捉到。”行痴仍是不答。韦小宝道：“那么就请老皇爷和奴才一同出去。”
Brother Wayward said not a word. ‘Your Majesty,’ continued Trinket, ‘it is of course an excellent thing that you should spend your days in prayer and meditation. The trouble is, there are evil men outside who want to lay hands on you and take you away, so it would be much safer if we could move you somewhere a little more out of their reach.’ Still no response. ‘So, if you don’t mind, I’d like you to come along with me.’

隔了半晌，见他始终盘膝而坐，一动不动。这时韦小宝在黑暗中已有好一会，看得清楚些了，见行痴坐禅的姿势，便和日间所见的玉林一模一样，也不知他是真的入定，还是对自己不加理睬，说道：“老皇爷的身份已经泄漏，清凉寺中无人能够保护。敌人去了一批，又来一批，老皇爷终究会给他们捉去。还是换一个清静的地方修行罢。”行痴仍是不答。行颠忽道：“你们两个小孩是好人，日里幸亏你们救我。我师兄坐禅，不跟人说话。你要他到哪里去？”
Brother Wayward just sat there, cross-legged and silent. Trinket’s eyes were used to the dark by now, and he could see that Brother Wayward was sitting in exactly the same position as his teacher, the Venerable Yulin, had been. He could not tell if he was in a deep meditative trance and therefore unaware of Trinket’s presence, or just consciously trying to ignore him. ‘Your presence here, Your Majesty, is no longer a secret. Those men have gone for the time being, but others will be back. We must get you to a safe place.’ Silence. Then suddenly Brother Headlong spoke. ‘It was very kind of you young people to come to my Master’s rescue earlier today. My Master is meditating, and when he is meditating, he never speaks to anyone. Where are you wanting to take him?’

他嗓音本来极响，拚命压低，变成十分沙哑。韦小宝站起身来。说道：“随便到哪里都好。你师兄爱去哪里，咱们便护送他去。只要那些坏家伙找他不到，你们两位就可安安静静的修行念佛了。”行颠道：“我们是不念佛的。”
His voice, usually a great bellowing roar, had been reduced to a hoarse croak. Trinket rose to his feet. ‘Anywhere away from here. Anywhere your Master would like to go. Anywhere those wicked people can’t get hold of him. Then you can both carry on meditating to your hearts’ content.’

韦小宝道：“好罢，不念佛就不念佛。双儿，你快将这位大师的穴道解了。”双儿伸手过去，在行颠背上和胁下推拿几下，解了穴道，说道：“真正对不住。”行颠向行痴恭恭敬敬的道：“师兄，这两个小孩请我们出去暂且躲避。”行痴道：“师父可没叫我们离去清凉寺。”说话声音甚是清朗。韦小宝直到此刻，才听到他的话声。行颠道：“敌人如再大举来攻，这两个小孩抵挡不住。”行痴道：“境自心生。要说凶险，天下处处皆凶险，心中平安，世间事事平安。日前你杀伤多人，大造恶业，此后无论如何不可妄动无明。”
He told Doublet to release Brother Headlong’s points, which she did by pressing him in the small of the back and below his ribs. Brother Headlong now addressed his Master, in a tone of great reverence: ‘Sire, these children want us to take refuge from here.’ Finally Brother Wayward spoke. It was the first time Trinket had heard his voice. It was ringing and clear. ‘My teacher said nothing about leaving this monastery.’ ‘But they are right,’ insisted Brother Headlong. ‘It is very dangerous here.’ ‘All things are born in the mind,’ replied Brother Wayward. ‘Dangerous thoughts breed danger. Peaceful thoughts breed peace. All the killing earlier today has created a great deal of bad karma. We must have no more of such wild behaviour.’

行颠呆了半晌，道：“师兄指点得是。”回头向韦小宝道：“师兄不肯出去，你们都听见了。”韦小宝皱眉道：“倘若敌人来捉你师兄，一刀刀将他身上的肉割下来，那便如何是好？”行颠道：“世人莫有不死，多活几年，少活几年，也没什么分别。”韦小宝道：“甚么都没分别，那么死人活人没分别，男人女人没分别，和尚和乌龟猪猡也没分别？”行颠道：“众生平等，原是如此。”
Brother Headlong was silent for a moment, then replied: ‘Your words are true, Master.’ He turned to Trinket. ‘My Master refuses to leave. You have heard him.’ Trinket frowned. Then they’ll take him and slice him up into little pieces! Do you want him to die?’ ‘Death comes to us all sooner or later,’ replied Brother Headlong. ‘What difference does a few years more or less make?’ ‘What difference?’ disagreed Trinket boldly. ‘Are you telling me there’s no difference between being alive and being dead? Or between being a man and being a woman? Or between being a monk and being a putrid turtle?’ ‘Indeed,’ replied Brother Headlong. ‘All living things are equal.’

韦小宝心想：“怪不得一个叫行痴，一个叫行颠，果然是痴的颠的。要劝他们走，那是不成功的了。如将老皇爷点倒，硬架了出去，实在太过不敬，也难免给人瞧见。”一时束手无策，心下恼怒，按捺不住，便道：“什么都没分别，那么皇后和端敬皇后也没分别，又为什么要出家？”
‘Stone the crows!’ thought Trinket to himself. ‘No wonder they’re called Headlong and Wayward! At this rate I’ll never get them out of here! I can hardly immobilize the Old Emperor and carry him out on a stretcher He ransacked his brains for a plan. Finally, in despair, he blurted out: Well, if all living things are equal, I suppose that means that Lady Donggo and the other Empress were equal too? In which case, why all the fuss in the first place? Why go to all the trouble of leaving the dusty world behind and becoming a.hermit?’ That did it. Brother Wayward leapt to his feet.

行痴突然站起，颤声道：“你……你说什么？”韦小宝一言出口，便已后悔，当即跪倒，说道：“奴才胡说八道，老皇爷不可动怒。”行痴道：“从前之事，我早忘了，你何以又用这等称呼？快请起来，我有话请问。”韦小宝道：“是。”站起身来，心想：“你给我激得开了口说话，总算有了点眉目。”
‘What. . . what did you say?’ His voice was trembling. Almost before he had spoken, Trinket had regretted his words. He fell to his knees. ‘Your Majesty, I beg you—don’t be angry at my foolishness!’ The past is over and forgotten,’ replied Brother Wayward. ‘It is many a year since I was last addressed as Majesty. Rise, there is something I wish to ask you.’ Trinket rose, thinking to himself, ‘At least I’ve managed to get him talking.’

行痴问道：“两位皇后之事，你从何处听来？”韦小宝道：“是听海大富跟皇太后说的。”行痴道：“你认得海大富？他怎么了？”韦小宝道：“他给皇太后杀了。”行痴惊呼一声，道：“他死了？”韦小宝道：“皇太后用‘化骨绵掌’功夫杀死了他。”行痴颤声道：“皇太后怎么会……会武功？你怎知道？”韦小宝道：“海大富和皇太后在慈宁宫花园里动手打斗，我亲眼瞧见的。”行痴道：“你是什么人？”韦小宝道：“奴才是御前侍卫副总管韦小宝。”随即又加上一句：“当今皇上亲封的，有御札在此。”说着将康熙的御札取出来呈上。行痴呆了片刻，并不伸手去接，行颠道：“这里从来没灯火。”行痴叹了口气，问道：“小皇帝身子好不好？他……他做皇帝快不快活？”
‘Tell me,’ continued Brother Wayward, ‘when did you learn about the two Empresses?’ ‘I heard the eunuch Hai Dafu talking to the Empress Dowager.’ ‘You know about Hai Dafu? Tell me, how is he?’ The Empress Dowager killed him.’ Brother Wayward drew in a sharp breath. ‘He’s dead?’ ‘Yes. She used Soft Crush karate to kill him.’ ‘But. . . she never knew any Martial Arts.’ The Old Emperor’s voice trembled. ‘How do you know all this?’ They fought in the garden outside the Empress Dowager’s palace. I saw it with my own eyes.’ ‘Who exactly are you?’ ‘My name is Trinket Wei. I’m Deputy Intendant of the Palace Guards.’ He added: ‘I’m here at His Majesty’s express command. I have a letter in His Majesty’s own hand.’ He held out the letter for Brother Wayward, who stared at it a moment before taking it. After a long silence he sighed. ‘Is the Young Emperor well? Is he … happy being Emperor?’

韦小宝道：“小皇帝得知老皇爷健在，恨不得插翅飞上五台山来。他在宫里大哭大叫，又是悲伤，又是喜欢，说什么要上山来。后来……后来恐怕误了朝廷大事，才派奴才先来向老皇爷请安。奴才回奏之后，小皇帝便亲自来了。”行痴颤声道：“他……他不用来了。他是好皇帝，先想到朝廷大事，可不像我……”说到这里，声音已然哽咽。黑暗之中，但听到他眼泪一滴滴落上衣襟的声音。双儿听他流露父子亲情，胸口一酸，泪珠儿也扑簌簌的流了下来。
‘As soon as the Young Emperor learned that Your Majesty was alive,’ replied Trinket, ‘he wanted to grow wings and fly here to be with you! But then . . . then he remembered his duties, and knew that he had to stay at Court. So he sent me instead. The moment I’ve reported back, he will come himself.’ There is no need for him to come.’ The Old Emperor’s voice was shaking. ‘He is a good ruler. He puts affairs of state above his own feelings. Not like me . . .’ He sounded as if he might choke at any minute. Trinket could hear that he was weeping.

韦小宝心想良机莫失，老皇爷此刻心情激动，易下说辞，便道：“海大富一切都查得清清楚楚了，皇太后先害死荣亲王，又害死端敬皇后，再害死端敬皇后的妹子贞妃，后来又害死了小皇帝的妈妈。海大富什么都查明白了。皇太后知道秘密已经泄漏，便亲手打死了海大富，又派了大批人手，要上五台山来谋害老皇爷。”
He decided to make use of this opportunity to communicate what he knew. ‘Old Hai Dafu worked the whole thing out. It was the Empress Dowager who killed them all. First she killed Prince Rong, then the Empress Donggo, then her sister, Lady Zhen. After that she killed the Young Emperor’s own mother, the Empress Kang. As soon as the Empress Dowager realized that the cat was out of the bag (because Old Hai knew all about it), she killed him as well. Then she sent a gang of men here to try and kill Your Majesty! She’ll stop at nothing!’

荣亲王、端敬皇后、贞妃三人系被武功好手害死，海大富早已查明，禀告了行痴，由此而回宫侦查凶手，但行痴说什么也不信竟是皇后自己下手，叹道：“皇后是不会武功的。”韦小宝道：“那晚皇太后跟海大富说的话，老皇爷听了之后就知道了。”当下一一转述那晚两人对答的言语。他伶牙利齿，说得虽快，却是清清楚楚。
Shun Zhi had already learned from Old Hai that someone, a kungfu specialist of an especially sinister sort, had been responsible for the deaths of his baby son, his beloved consort, and her sister. After reporting this to his Lord and Master, Old Hai had returned to the Palace to continue his investigations into the iden- tity of the murderer. But the Old Emperor simply could not bring himself to believe that it was his wife, the present Empress Dowager, who had done it. He sighed. ‘But she knows nothing of the Martial Arts. It can’t have been her.’ ‘You wouldn’t say that, Your Majesty, if you’d been there in the garden.’ Trinket then gave him a detailed, word-for-word account of what he had seen and heard pass between the Empress Dowager and Old Hai that night.

行痴原是个至性至情之人，只因对董鄂妃一往情深，这才在她逝世之后，连皇帝也不愿做，甘弃万乘之位，幽闭斗室之中。虽然参禅数年，但董鄂妃的影子在他心中何等深刻，一听韦小宝提起，什么禅理佛法，霎时之间都抛于脑后。海大富和皇太后的对答一句句在心中流过，悲愤交集，胸口一股气塞住了，便欲炸将开来。韦小宝说罢，又道：“皇太后这老……一不做，二不休，害了你老皇爷之后，要去害死小皇帝。她还要去挖了端敬皇后的坟，又要下诏天下，烧毁《端敬皇后语录》，说《语录》中的话都是放屁，哪一个家里藏一本，都要抄家杀头！”
Shun Zhi had always been a devoted son and an upright man. His passion for the Empress Donggo (she whom the Old Whore had called the Fox Lady) had quite swept him off his feet. It was after her death that he had totally lost interest in being the Lord-of-all-beneath-the-Heavens, and had instead taken refuge in this hermitage. All these years he had devoted himself to the practice of Zen meditation. But Empress Donggo was still deeply etched in his memory, and Trinket’s words had awoken all his old passion. For the moment, the spirit of transcendent detachment was driven from his mind. As Trinket went over the details of the plot uncovered by Hai Dafu, the Old Emperor’s heart filled with grief and rage. ‘She’ll stop at nothing,’ Trinket repeated. ‘First she’ll kill you, then she’ll kill the Young Emperor. Then she’ll dig up the Empress Donggo’s grave, and have all the copies of her Sayings destroyed. She says they’re full of rubbish and any family found with a copy of it should be put to death!’

这几句话却是他捏造出来的，可正好触到行痴心中的创伤。他勃然大怒，伸手在大腿上用力一拍，喝道：“这贱人，我……我早就该将她废了，一时因循，致成大祸！”顺治当年一心要废了皇后，立董鄂妃为后，只因为皇太后力阻，才搁下来。董鄂妃倘若不死，这皇后之位早晚是她的了。
This last part was entirely his own fabrication. But it stirred Brother Wayward to even further indignation. ‘Vile woman!’ he cried, angrily slapping his thigh. ‘I should have had her deposed! Look at the havoc she is wreaking!’ When he was Emperor, he had in fact wished to depose her and put his beloved Empress Donggo in her place. But his own mother had prevented him from doing so.

韦小宝道：“老皇爷，你看破世情，死不死都没分别，小皇爷可死不得，端敬皇后的坟挖不得，《端敬皇后语录》毁不得。”行痴道：“不错，你说得很是。”韦小宝道：“所以咱们须得出去躲避，免得遭了皇太后的毒手。皇太后的手段是第一步杀你，第二步害小皇帝，第三步挖坟烧《语录》。只要她第一步做不成功，第二步、第三步棋子便不敢下了。”顺治七岁登基，廿四岁出家，此时还不过三十几岁。他原本性子躁、火性大，说到头脑清楚，康熙虽然小小年纪，比父亲已胜十倍。因此沐王府中人想嫁祸吴三桂，诡计立被康熙识破，韦小宝半真半假的捏造了许多言语，行痴却尽数信以为真。不过皇太后所要行的这三步棋子，虽是韦小宝捏造出来，但他是市井之徒，想法和阴毒女人也差不多。行痴大声道：“幸亏得你点破，否则当真坏了大事。师弟，咱们快快出去。”行颠道：“是。”右手提起金杵，左手推开板门。
‘So you see, Your Majesty, to save your own son’s life, and to save the grave of the Empress Donggo from being defiled, we must stop her! Even if you think that death and life are one and the same, it’s still important to stop that woman from killing other people.’ Shun Zhi had always been an impulsive sort of person. Having come to the throne at the age of seven, he had been no more than twenty-four years old when he sought refuge in the hermitage on Wutai. He was still now only a year or two over thirty. He believed Trinket implicitly. Thank goodness you told me all of this! You are right! Brother Headlong, we must leave at once. Otherwise a disaster will occur.’ ‘Yes, Master!’ Brother Headlong grasped his golden cudgel in one hand, and with the other pushed open the door of the hermitage.

板门开处，只见当门站着一人。黑暗中行颠看不见他面貌，喝道：“谁？”举起金杵。那人道：“你们要去哪里？”行颠吃了一惊，抛下金杵，双手合十，叫道：“师父！”行痴也叫了声：“师父。”原来这人正是玉林。他缓缓的道：“你们的说话，我都听到了。”韦小宝心中暗叫：“他妈的，事情要糟！”
There, standing in the doorway, he saw the figure of a man. In the darkness, he was unable to make out the man’s face. ‘Who are you?’ He raised his golden cudgel. ‘Where are you going?’ was the man’s response. Recognizing the voice, Brother Headlong gave a start, threw his cudgel to the ground, and brought his hands together in salutation. ‘Shifu!’ he cried. Brother Wayward echoed his cry. It was the Venerable Yulin. ‘I heard everything that was said just now.’ He enunciated his words slowly. ‘Oh dear!’ thought Trinket silently to himself. This could mean trouble.’

玉林沉声道：“世间冤业，须当化解，一味躲避，终是不了。既有此因，便有此果，业既随身，终身是业。”行痴拜伏于地，道：“师父教训得是，弟子明白了。”玉林道：“只怕未必便这么明白了。你从前的妻子要找你，便让她来找。我佛慈悲，普渡众生，她怨你、恨你、要杀你而甘心，你反躬自省，总有令她怨，令她恨，使得她决心杀你的因。你避开她，业因仍在，倘若派人杀了她，恶业更加深重了。”行痴颤声道：“是。”
Yulin continued, speaking in a sombre tone: The karma of this world allows no such thing as escape. It must be fulfilled. Every action has its ineluctable and immutable consequence. Try to escape it, and it will follow you.’ Brother Wayward was already kneeling at his feet. ‘Yes, Shifu! You speak the truth. Your disciple understands.’ ‘I fear that your understanding is still deficient. If your wife of former times is indeed seeking you out, if she bears an ill will towards you, if she feels hatred for you, if she wishes to take your life; then you must look deep within yourself, you must let her hate, you must let her kill, you must let this karma be fulfilled. Try to escape from her, and the karma will remain; send someone to kill her, and you will create yet more karma.’ ‘Yes, Shifu,’ said Brother Wayward, his voice trembling.

韦小宝肚里大骂：“操你奶奶的老贼秃！我要骂你，打你，杀你，你给不给我打骂？给不给我割你的老秃头？”
‘Up yours, you fat bald-pated turtle-bonze!’ Trinket muttered quietly to himself. ‘Damn you! Sod you! Blast you to smithereens! Slice your bald pate open and cram your fat smelly head full of your own stinking karma!’

只听玉林续道：“至于西藏喇嘛要捉你去，那是他们在造恶业，意欲以你为质，挟制当今皇帝，横行不法，虐害百姓。咱们却不能任由他们胡行。眼前这里是不能住了，你们且随我到后面的小庙去。”
Yulin continued: ‘The Tibetan Lama and his associates, however, are a different story. They and their plotting must be stopped. They want to lay hands on you and then, having done so, they will use you to control the Young Emperor. They will do wicked things and cruelly abuse the common people. They will create evil karma. We cannot simply stand by and let them wreak havoc. So, this place is no longer safe; for the present, you must come with me and move to the small temple up the hill.’

他转身出外。行痴、行颠跟了出去。韦小宝心想：“小皇帝虽赏了黄马褂，我可还没在身上穿过一天。这件事没办妥，回京对小皇帝没交代，他一怒之下，说不定反悔，黄马褂就此不赏了。我也得跟去瞧瞧。”他和双儿两人跟着到了玉林坐禅的小庙之中。玉林对他们两人犹如没瞧见一般，毫不理会，径在蒲团上盘膝坐了。行痴在他身边的蒲团上坐下，行颠东张西望了一会，也在行痴的下首坐倒。玉林和行痴合十闭目，一动也不动，行颠却睁大了圆圆的环眼，向空瞪视，终于也闭上了眼睛，两手按在膝上，过了一会，伸手去摸蒲团旁的金杵，唯恐失却。
He turned and set off at once, and the two Brothers followed him, with Trinket and Doublet (whose presence the Venerable Shifu continued completely to ignore) trailing behind them. When they came to Yulin’s little hillside retreat, the Shifu sat down again cross-legged on his prayer-mat and recommenced his meditations. Wayward sat on the mat next to his Shifu and followed his example. Headlong took a good look around first, and then did likewise. Yulin and Wayward brought their hands together immediately and closed their eyes, and sat there totally motionless. Headlong kept his eyes wide open at first, and sat staring into space, then finally he too closed his eyes, letting his hands rest in his lap. After a few minutes, one of his hands strayed towards his cudgel, just to make sure it was still there.

韦小宝向双儿扮个鬼脸，装模作样的也在蒲团上坐下，双儿挨着他身子而坐。韦小宝虽非孙悟空，但性子之活泼好动，也真如猴儿一样，要他在蒲团上安安静静的坐上一时三刻，可真要了他命。但眼见老皇爷便在身旁，就此出庙而去，那是说什么也不肯的。他东一扭，西一歪，拉过双儿的手来，在她手心中搔痒。双儿强忍笑容，左手向玉林和行痴指指。
Trinket pulled a face at Doublet, and then he too went through a whole performance of sitting on a mat. Doublet sat next to him. Trinket was Restless Monkey Incarnate, and he would rather have died than sit motionless on a prayer-mat for more than a minute or two. But there was no question of running off and abandoning the Old Emperor. He kept wriggling around, and taking hold of Doublet’s hand and tickling her palm. She managed not to laugh, but pointed warningly in the direction of the meditating monks.

这么挨了半个时辰，韦小宝忽然心想：“老皇爷学做和尚，总不成连大小便也忍得住。待他去大小便之时，我便去花言巧语，骗他逃走。”想到了这计策，身子便定了一些。一片寂静之中，忽听得远处响起许多人的脚步声，初时还听不真切，后来脚步声越响越近，一大群人奔向清凉寺来。行颠脸上肌肉动了几下，伸手抓起金杵，睁开眼来，见玉林和行痴坐着不动，迟疑了片刻，放下金杵，又闭上了眼。
After an hour or so of this, Trinket suddenly had one of his brainwaves. The Old Emperor may be a monk, but surely even monks occasionally have to relieve themselves. . . . I’ll wait till he needs a piss, and then I’ll try and trick him into escaping.’ This new plan set his mind considerably at ease. After another period of meditative silence, they suddenly heard the unmistakable sound of tramping boots in the distance. It sounded as if a mighty horde of aggressors was on its way up towards the monastery. Headlong’s face twitched. He instinctively reached for his cudgel, and opened his eyes wide. He saw that his Master and Shifu Yulin were still frozen, and after a moment’s hesitation he let go of the cudgel and closed his eyes again.

只听得这群人冲进了清凉寺中，叫嚷喧哗，良久不绝。韦小宝心道：“他们在寺里找不到老皇爷，不会找上这里来么？且看你这老贼秃如何抵挡？”果然又隔了约莫半个时辰，大群人拥向后山，来到小庙外。有人叫道：“进去搜！”
Trinket could now quite clearly hear the sound of rampaging going on within the monastery. ‘When they can’t find him there,’ he thought to himself, ‘they’re bound to come up here. And what are you going to do about that, Bald Pate?’ Sure enough, less than an hour later, they heard the mob burst out onto the rear hill and begin making its way through the darkness towards the little temple. There were cries of ‘Search! Search!’

行颠霍地站起，抓起了金杵，挡在禅房门口。韦小宝走到窗边，向外张去，月光下但见黑压压的都是人头，回头看玉林和行痴时，两人仍是坐着不动。双儿悄声道：“怎么办？”韦小宝低声道：“待会这些人冲进来，咱们救了老皇爷，从后门出去。”顿了一顿，又道：“倘若途中失散，我们到灵境寺会齐。”双儿点了点头，道：“就怕我抱不起老……老皇爷。”韦小宝道：“只好拖着他逃走。”
Headlong now leapt to his feet with his cudgel in one hand, and stood barring the doorway. Trinket stole across to the window and looked outside. By the light of the moon, all he could make out was a crowd of heads. Back inside, Wayward and his Shifu were still sitting motionless. ‘What should we do?’ whispered Doublet. ‘In a minute,’ Trinket whispered back, ‘when they break in, we’ll escape with the Old Emperor out the back!’ After a brief pause he continued: ‘If we get separated, we’ll meet up again at the Holy Precinct Monastery.’ Doublet nodded.

蓦地里外面众人纷纷呼喝：“甚么人在这里乱闯？”“抓起来！”“别让他们进去！”“妈巴羔子的，拿下来！”人影一晃，门中进来两人，在行颠身边掠过，向玉林合十躬身，便盘膝坐在地下，竟是两名身穿灰衣的和尚。禅房房门本窄，行颠身躯粗大，当门而立，身侧已无空隙，但这两名和尚轻轻巧巧的窜了进来，似乎连行颠的衣衫也未碰到，实不知他们是怎生进房来的。外面呼声又起：“又有人来了！”“拦住他！”“抓了起来！”却听得砰蓬、砰蓬之声大作，有人飞了出去，摔在地下，禅房中却又进来两名和尚，一言不发，坐在先前进来的两僧下首。如此一对对僧人不断陆续进来。韦小宝大感有趣，心想不知还有多少和尚到来，再来几对，禅房便无隙地可坐了。但来到第九对后便再无人来。第九对中的一人竟是清凉寺的方丈澄光。韦小宝又是奇怪，又是欣慰：“这十七个和尚的武功，如果都跟澄光差不多，敌人再多，那也不怕。”外面敌人喧哗叫嚷，却谁也不敢冲门。
Brother Headlong guarded the doorway of the little temple single-handed against the yelling saffron-robed mob, his bulky frame all but blocking the entrance. In the ensuing confusion, by some miracle, nine pairs of grey-robed monks appeared as if from nowhere, succeeded in squeezing past him, and sat down cross-legged inside the temple. Trinket found all of this highly intriguing. Another monk in the place, and there wouldn’t be room to move. If the eighteen new arrivals were fighters of the same calibre as Father Aureole, they would be able to hold the building against all comers.

过了一会，一个苍老的声音朗声说道：“少林寺硬要替清凉寺出头，将事情揽到自己头上吗？”禅房内众人不答。隔了一会，外面那老者道：“好，今日就卖了少林寺十八罗汉的面子，咱们走！”外面呼啸之声此起彼伏，众人都退了下去。韦小宝打量那十八名僧人，年老的已六七十岁，年少的不过三十左右，或高或矮，或俊或丑，僧袍内有的突出一物，似是带着兵刃，心想：“他们是少林寺十八罗汉，那么澄光方丈也是十八罗汉之一了。玉林老贼秃有恃无恐，原来早约下了厉害的帮手保驾。这些和尚在这里坐禅入定，不知要搞到几时，老子可不能跟他们耗下去，坐啊坐的，韦小宝别坐得变成了韦老宝！”
Suddenly, above all the shouting, an old man’s voice could be heard outside, crying: ‘So the Shaolin monks want to take this on their heads, do they?’ Not a word came by way of reply from the eighteen monks within. ‘Very well, then,’ continued the old man’s voice from outside. ‘If the Eighteen Lohans of Shaolin are determined to make a show of this, we’d best be off!’ Just as he had advised, the crowd then disbanded. Trinket studied the new arrivals. Some of them were ancient, wizened bonzes well into their seventies and eighties, some of them were middle-aged monks. There were tall and short, good-looking and ugly; and judging from the protuberances sticking out through their gowns, they were all armed with weapons of some kind. ‘So these are the Eighteen Fighting Lohans of Shaolin! No wonder that old Bald Pate Yulin wasn’t scared! He’d got it fixed up all along! He knew he had this lot to back him up! This is too weird! I’m out of my depth! I’m wasting my time here!’

站起身来，走到行痴身前跪下，说道：“大和尚，有少林寺十八罗汉保驾，您大和尚是笃定泰山了。我这就要回去了，您老人家有什么吩咐没有？”行痴睁开眼来，微微一笑，说道：“辛苦你啦。回去跟你主子说，不用上五台山来扰我清修。就算来了，我也一定不见。你跟他说，要天下太平，‘永不加赋’四字，务须牢牢紧记。他能做到这四字，便是对我好，我便心中欢喜。”韦小宝应道：“是！”
He went over to Wayward, and knelt on the ground before him. ‘Your Holy Majesty, I don’t think I’m needed any more. I’d best be on my way. Do you have any instructions for me to take back?’ Wayward opened his eyes and gave a little smile. ‘I am obliged to you for your trouble. Please tell His Majesty not to bother coming to Wutai. He would only be disturbing my peace. Even if he were to come, I would not be able to see him. Tell him, if he wishes to keep the Empire at peace, he must remember one thing: never raise taxes. Tell him never to forget that. Then he will have done well by me, and I shall be happy.’ ‘Yes, Sire!’

行痴探手入怀，取了一个小小包裹出来，说道：“这一部经书，去交给你的主子。跟他说：天下事须当顺其自然，不可强求。能给中原苍生造福，那是最好。倘若天下百姓都要咱们走，那么咱们从哪里来，就回那里去。”说着在小包上轻轻拍了一拍。
Wayward reached into the bosom of his gown and produced a little package. ‘I want you to give this little Sutra to your Master. Tell him, in all things, to follow the course of Nature. Never try to force the outcome of events. If we Manchus can bring blessings and prosperity to the Chinese people, well and good. If not, and they want us to leave, then we should go back to the place from which we came.’ He patted the Sutra.

韦小宝记起陶红英的话来，心道：“莫非这又是一部《四十二章经》？”见行痴将小包递来，伸双手接过。行痴隔了半晌，道：“你去罢！”韦小宝道：“是。”爬下磕头。行痴道：“不敢当，施主请起。”韦小宝站起身来，走向房门，突然间童心忽起，转头向玉林道：“老和尚，你坐了这么久，不小便么？”玉林恍若不闻。韦小宝嘻的一笑，一步跨出门槛。
‘I know what this is,’ thought Trinket to himself, remembering Auntie Tao’s tale. ‘It’s another copy of the Sutra in Forty-Two Sectionsl’ He held out his hands to receive it. Wayward was silent a moment, then told Trinket to depart. Trinket made his way to the door, but just before leaving he turned to old Yulin and muttered: ‘Hey, old bonze, with all that sitting you have to do, don’t you ever need to piss?’

行痴道：“跟你主子说，他母亲再有不是，总是母亲，不可失了礼数，也不可有怨恨之心。”韦小宝回过身来答应了，心说：“这句话我才不给你传到呢。”行痴沉吟道：“要你主子一切小心。”韦小宝道：“是。”

韦小宝回到灵境寺，关上房门，打开包裹，果然是一部《四十二章经》，只不过书函是用黄绸所制。他琢磨行痴的言语，和陶红英所说若合符节。行痴说：“倘若天下百姓都要咱们走，那么咱们就从哪里来，就回那里去。”满洲人从关外到中原，要回去的话，自是回关外了，行痴在这小包上拍了一拍，当是说满洲人回到关外，可以靠了这小包而过日子。又想：“老皇爷命我将经书交给小玄子，我交是不交？我手中已有五部经书，再加上这一部，共有六部。八部中只差两部了。倘若交给小玄子，只怕就有五部经书，也是无用。好在他说，就是小玄子上五台山来，他也不见，死无对证。这是送上门来的好东西，若不吞没，对不起韦家祖宗。”但想小皇帝对自己十分信任，吞没他的东西，未免愧对朋友，对朋友半吊子，就不是英雄好汉了，反正这经书自己也看不懂，还是去交给好朋友的为是。
When Trinket arrived back at the Holy Precinct Monastery, he opened the little package. Sure enough, it was another copy of the Sutra, this time bound in yellow silk. ‘So should I give it to the Emperor or not?’ wondered Trinket. ‘I’ve got five copies already, and this one makes six. Two more, and I’ll have the whole set. Such a shame to give it away. Luckily, old Wayward said that even if the Emperor docs go to Wutai, he definitely won’t see him, so he’ll never know even if I don’t pass on the Sutra.’ But then he reflected that Kang Xi was his friend, and to pocket something belonging to a friend went against all the values of River and Lake. Perhaps he had better give it to him after all. Fat Dhuta and the Eighteen Lohans of Shaolin

次晨韦小宝带同双儿、于八等一干人下山。这番来五台山，见到了老皇爷，不负康熙所托，途中还得了双儿这样一个美貌温柔、武功高强的小丫头，心中甚是高兴。
The next morning, Trinket led Doublet, Wurtle, and the rest of the party down the mountain, feeling extremely pleased at the way things had turned out. He had not only succeeded in completing his Wutai mission, by finding and speaking to the Old Emperor, as Kang Xi had wished; he had also acquired a delightful new companion. Doublet was at the same time beautiful, sweet-natured, and a brilliant kungfu fighter.

走出十余里，山道上迎面走来一个头陀。这头陀身材奇高，与那莽和尚行颠难分上下，只是瘦得出奇。澄光方丈已经极瘦，这头陀少说也比他还瘦了一半，脸上皮包骨头，双目深陷，当真便如僵尸一般，这头陀只怕要四个并成一个，才跟行颠差不多。他长发垂肩，头顶一个钢箍束住了长发，身上穿一件布袍，宽宽荡荡，便如是挂在衣架上一般。
They had walked about three or four miles, when they came upon what looked like a pilgrim travelling in the opposite direction, going up the mountain. He was very tall, almost as tall as the crazy Brother Headlong. But Headlong was strongly built, whereas this man was quite extraordinarily skinny. His gruesomely cadaverous appearance made the scrawny old abbot, Father Aureole, seem positively fat by comparison. His head was an oblong box of bones, with a pair of cavernous eyes hollowed into it, and long hair dangling down to his shoulders, fastened around the forehead with a copper band. His loose cotton gown flapped around him as he walked, like a robe draped over a clothes-rack.

韦小宝见了他这等模样，心下有些害怕，不敢多看，转过了头，闪身道旁，让他过去。那头陀走到他身前，却停了步，问道：“你是从清凉寺来的么？”韦小宝道：“不是。我们从灵境寺来。”那头陀左手一伸，已搭住他左肩，将他身子拗转，跟他正面相对，问道：“你是皇宫里的太监小桂子？”这只大手在肩上一按，韦小宝登时全身皆软，丝毫动弹不得，忙道：“胡说八道！你瞧我像太监么？我是扬州韦公子。”
Somewhat daunted by this strange apparition, Trinket averted his gaze, and moved to the side of the road to let the ascetic pass. But the man stopped right in front of him, and asked: ‘Are you on your way down from Pure Coolness Monastery?’ ‘No,’ replied Trinket. ‘As a matter of fact, we’ve come from the Monastery of the Holy Precinct.’ The Dhuta (for so such ascetics were called) reached out his left hand, and placed it on Trinket’s shoulder. Then he twisted him forcibly around, and looked him in the face. ‘Would you by any chance be Laurel Goong-goong from the Imperial Palace?’ he asked. As he asked the question, he pressed his hand down on Trinket’s shoulder, causing the boy’s entire body to go limp and immobilizing him in an instant. ‘What a ridiculous suggestion!’ he cried. ‘Do I look like a eunuch? I’m Mr Wei from Yangzhou.’

双儿喝道：“快放手！怎地对我家相公无礼。”那头陀伸出右手，按向双儿肩头，道：“听你声音，也是个小太监。”双儿右肩一沉避开，食指伸出，疾点他“天豁穴”，噗的一声，点个正着。可是手指触处有如铁板，只觉指尖奇痛，连手指也险些折断，不禁“啊”的一声呼叫，跟着肩头一痛，已被那头陀蒲扇般的大手抓住。
‘Hands off my master!’ shouted Doublet. ‘How dare you treat him like that!’ The Dhuta reached out his right hand, and grasped her by the shoulder too. ‘You sound like a eunuch,’ he said. Doublet lowered her shoulder, and at the same time jabbed her index finger smartly at his Celestial Gully point, hitting the spot with her usual precision. But there was no give in the Dhuta’s body. It felt as hard as an iron plate. Instead, Doublet herself felt an excruciating pain. The impact had all but shattered her finger. She gave a cry, and in that same instant a searing pain shot through her shoulder as the Dhuta’s giant hand swooped down on it.

那头陀嘿嘿嘿的笑了三声，道：“你这小太监武功很好，厉害，真正厉害。”双儿飞起左腿，砰的一声，踢在他胯上，这一下便如踢中了一块大石头，大叫一声：“哎哟！”眼泪直流。那头陀道：“小太监武功了得，当真厉害。”双儿叫道：“我不是小太监！你才是小太监！哎哟！”那头陀笑道：“你瞧我像不像太监？”双儿叫道：“快放手！你再不放，我可要骂人啦。”那头陀道：“你点我穴道，踢我大腿，我都不怕，还怕你骂人？你武功这样高强，定是皇宫里派出来的，我得搜搜。”韦小宝道：“你武功更高，那么你更是皇宫里派出来的了。”那头陀道：“你这小太监缠夹不清。”左手提了韦小宝，右手提了双儿，向山上飞步便奔。两个少年大叫大嚷，那头陀毫不理会，提着二人直如无物，脚下迅速之极。于八等人只瞧得目瞪口呆，哪敢作声。
He chuckled darkly. ‘Not a bad fighter, for a little eunuch! Not at all bad!’ Doublet now delivered a flying kick with her left foot, catching him squarely in the groin. It was like kicking a rock. ‘Aiyo!’ she cried, the tears running down her cheeks. ‘Good move, little eunuch!’ said the Dhuta. ‘Excellent!’ ‘I’m not a eunuch!’ she protested. ‘You’re the one who’s a eunuch!’ ‘Do I look like a eunuch?’ said the Dhuta with a nasty-looking leer. ‘Get your hand off me!’ screamed Doublet, ‘ If you don’t let go, I’ll cry rape!’ Think I’m frightened of you?’ cried the Dhuta, and with Trinket in his left hand and Doublet in his right, he hoisted them both up into the air and set off up the mountain, striding at a great pace. Trinket and Doublet began screaming and shouting, but the Dhuta ignored them both, and began to run uphill at a phenomenal speed, carrying them with as much ease as if they were weightless. Wurtle and the bearers watched, transfixed with amazement.

那头陀沿山道走了数丈，突然向山坡上无路之处奔去，当真是上山如履平地。韦小宝只觉耳畔呼呼风响，心道：“这头陀如此厉害，莫非是山神鬼怪？”奔了一会，那头陀将二人往地下一放，向上一指，道：“倘若不说实话，我提你们到这山峰上，掷了下来。”所指处是个极高的山峰，峰尖已没入云雾之中。韦小宝道：“好，我说实话。”
The Dhuta took a precipitous path up the mountainside, scrambling up it as if it was a flat surface. Trinket heard the wind whistling past his ears as they flew along. This Dhuta’s like a cross between a troll and a mountain goat!’ he muttered to himself. After a while, the Dhuta deposited them on the ground, and pointed to a towering mountain ahead of them, its peak lost in a vista of foggy cloud. ‘If you don’t tell me the truth, I’ll take you up there and drop you from the very top.’ ‘All right, I’ll tell you the truth,’ replied Trinket promptly.

那头陀问道：“那就算你识相。你到底是什么人？这小子是什么人？”韦小宝道：“大师父，她不是小子……她是我的……我的……”那头陀道：“是你的什么人？”韦小宝道：“是我的……老婆！”这“老婆”二字一出口，那头陀和双儿都大吃一惊。双儿满脸通红。那头陀奇道：“甚么？甚么老婆？”韦小宝道：“不瞒大师父说，我是北京城里的富家公子，看中了隔壁邻居的这位小姐，于是……我们私订终身于后花园，她爹爹不答应，我就带了她逃出来。你瞧，她是个姑娘，怎么会是小太监，真是冤哉枉也。你如不信，除下她帽子瞧瞧。”那头陀摘下双儿的帽子，露出一头秀发，其时天下除了僧、道、头陀、尼姑等出家人，都须剃去前半边头发。双儿长发披将下来，直垂至肩，自是个女子无疑。
‘Smart lad!’ said the Dhuta. ‘So, who are you actually? And who is this little boy?’ ‘Well… as a matter of fact, Your Reverence, she isn’t a little boy . . . she’s my . . . my Well?’ ‘My . . . my wife!’ Both the Dhuta and Doublet started when they heard the word ‘wife’. Doublet flushed a rosy pink. ‘Your wife?’ asked the Dhuta suspiciously. ‘Yes! And now I really am telling you the truth,’ declared Trinket. ‘You see, I’m not really from Yangzhou: I’m actually from a very rich family in Peking, and I went and fell madly in love with the girl next door. We got secretly engaged in my garden, but her father wouldn’t let us get married, so we had to elope. How could a pretty girl like her be a eunuch? If you don’t believe me, take off her hat and see for yourself.’ This the Dhuta promptly did, uncovering a head of fine long hair. In those days, Chinese men had to shave the front half of their head and grow a pigtail, except for Buddhist monks and Dhutas (who shaved the whole head), and Taoist monks (who let their hair grow long). There was no doubt left in the Dhuta’s mind. Doublet was a member of the female sex.

韦小宝道：“大师父，求求你，你如将我们送交官府，那我可没命了。我给你一千两银子，你放了我们罢！”那头陀道：“如此说来，你果然不是太监了。太监哪有拐带人家闺女私逃的？哼哼，你小小年纪，胆子倒不小。”说着放开了他，又问：“你们上五台山来干甚么？”韦小宝道：“我们上五台山来拜佛，求菩萨保佑，让我落难公子中状元，将来她……我这老婆，就能做一品夫人了。”什么“私订终身后花园，落难公子中状元”云云，都是他在扬州时听说书先生说的。那头陀想了片刻，点头道：“那么是我认错人了，你们去罢！”韦小宝大喜，道：“多谢大师。我们以后拜菩萨之时，求菩萨保佑，保佑你大师将来也……也做个大菩萨，跟文殊菩萨、观音菩萨平起平坐。”携了双儿的手，向山下走去。
‘Holy Father,’ Trinket continued, ‘please don’t land us in trouble! We’ll be put to death. I’ll give you a thousand taels to let us go!’ ‘You’re obviously not a eunuch,’ mused the Dhuta out loud. ‘No eunuch would have the guts to elope with a girl. Hm, you seem quite a brave little fellow . . .’ He let go of him. ‘So what are you doing here on the Wutai Mountains?’ ‘We came to pray to Lord Buddha, and to ask for his blessing: I want to do well in my exams,’ said Trinket, ‘and then she— my wife—can be a proper lady.’ Needless to say, all this stuff about a ‘secret engagement’ and ‘doing well in the exams’ was something Trinket had picked up from the Yangzhou storytellers. The Dhuta pondered this for a moment. Finally he said: ‘I seem to have mistaken you for somebody else. Off you go now, both of you!’ Trinket was delighted. Thank you very much, Holy Father,’ he said. ‘We’ll certainly remember you in our prayers.’ He took Doublet by the hand and they set off down the mountain again.

只走得几步，那头陀道：“不对，回来！小姑娘，你武功很是了得，点我一指，踢我一脚。”说着摸了摸腰间“天豁穴”，问道：“你这武功是谁教的？是什么家数？”双儿可不会说谎，涨红了脸，摇了摇头。韦小宝道：“她这是家传的武功，是她妈妈教的。”那头陀道：“小姑娘姓什么？”韦小宝道：“这个，嘻嘻，说起来有些不大方便。”那头陀道：“什么不方便，快说！”双儿道：“我们姓庄。”
They had only walked a few steps when the Dhuta cried out after them: ‘Wait a minute! There’s something not quite right here! Come back, both of you! You, little girl, you’re not a bad fighter. You caught me with your finger right on the Celestial Gully, and landed me a very nasty kick in the groin. . . . Not bad.’ He was rubbing his Vital Point while he was saying this. He continued: ‘Who taught you your kungfu? And which School is it?’ Doublet was not accustomed to lying. She flushed and shook her head. ‘It’s a family tradition. Her mother taught her,’ Trinket told him. ‘What’s her mother’s name?’ ‘Well. . . I’m afraid I really can’t tell you that.’ ‘Why not? Go on, tell me her name!’ ‘My family name is Zhuang,’ said Doublet.

那头陀摇头道：“姓庄？不对，你骗人，天下姓庄的人中，没有这样武功高手，能教了这样的女儿出来。”韦小宝道：“天下武功好的人极多，你又怎能都知道？”那头陀怒道：“我在问小姑娘，你别打岔。”说着轻轻在他肩头一推。
‘Zhuang?’ repeated the Dhuta, shaking his head. That’s not right, you’re lying to me! I’ve never heard of a Shifu called Zhuang.’ There are so many Shifus in this world . . .’ put in Trinket. ‘Who asked you? Don’t interrupt!’ said the Dhuta angrily, tapping Trinket on the shoulder.

这一推使力极轻，生怕这小孩经受不起，手掌碰上韦小宝肩头，只觉他顺势一带一卸，虽无劲力，所用招式却是一招“风行草偃”，移肩转身，左掌护面，右掌伏击，居然颇有点儿门道。那头陀微觉讶异，抓住了他胸口。韦小宝右掌戳出，一招“灵蛇出洞”，也是使得分毫不错，噗的一声，戳在那头陀颈下，手指如戳铁板，“啊哟”一声大叫。
He had only tapped lightly, for fear of hurting the boy. But the moment his hand made contact with Trinket’s shoulder, he sensed an immediate counter-motion, an almost impalpable shifting of Inner Force. Trinket had used the move known as Grass Bending in the Wind, twisting his shoulder, turning his body around, then raising his left hand to guard his face, while preparing his right for a sudden attack. The Dhuta was taken aback by this well-executed move. He snatched at Trinket’s chest, and Trinket instantly jabbed with his right hand, a move known as Mystic Snake Quits Its Lair. He struck with precision at the Dhuta’s neck, but it was like driving his hand into an unyielding piece of iron. He screamed with the pain.

双儿双掌飞舞，向头陀攻去。那头陀掌心发劲，已将韦小宝胸口穴道封住，回身相斗。双儿窜高伏低，身法轻盈，但那头陀七八招后，两手已抓住她双臂，左肘弯过一撞，封住了她穴道，转身问韦小宝：“你说是富家公子，怎地会使辽东神龙岛的擒拿功夫？”
Doublet now flew into the attack with both hands. The Dhuta succeeded in closing the Vital Points on Trinket’s chest, then turned around to face his new opponent. Doublet crouched low and leapt high into the air, moving and striking with extraordinary speed and dexterity, but the Dhuta was more than a match for her. He ended up seizing hold of both her hands, and closed her points with a corkscrew motion of his left elbow. He turned to Trinket. ‘So—you said you were a rich young man from Peking. How come you know the Catch-Can of the Mystic Dragon School of Liaodong?’

韦小宝道：“我是富家公子，为什么不能使辽东神龙岛功夫？难道定要穷家小子，才能使么？”口中敷衍，拖延时刻，心念电转：“辽东神龙岛功夫，那是什么功夫？是了，海老乌龟说过，老婊子假冒武当派，其实是辽东蛇岛的功夫。那神龙岛，多半便是蛇岛。不错，老婊子跟神龙教的人勾勾搭搭，他们嫌‘蛇’字不好听，自称为‘神龙’。小玄子的功夫是老婊子教的，我时时和小玄子拆招比武，不知不觉间学上了这几下擒拿手法。”
‘Is there a law against it? Are only poor people allowed to practise it?’ answered Trinket, playing for time. But he was thinking to himself: ‘What does he mean by the Mystic Dragon School, I wonder? Ah … yes, the Old Devil once told me about the Old Whore only pretending to use Wudang moves, when actually she was using Snake Island karate. I bet Mystic Dragon Island is just a fancy name for Snake Island. It must be! They call themselves Dragons because Snakes would sound too common. Misty learned some of his stuff from the Old Whore, so he must have passed it on to me. That’s where I got it from.’

那头陀道：“胡说八道，你师父是谁？”韦小宝心想：“如说这功夫是老婊子所教，等于招认自己是宫里的小太监。”当即说道：“是我叔叔的一个相好，一个胖姑娘柳燕姑姑教的。”那头陀大奇，问道：“柳燕？柳姑娘是你叔叔的相好？你叔叔是什么人？”韦小宝道：“我叔叔韦大宝，是北京城里有名的风流公子，白花花的银子一使便是一千两，相貌像戏台上的小生一样。那胖姑娘一见就迷上他了。胖姑娘常常三更半夜到我家里来，花园围墙跳进跳出。我缠住要她教武功，她就教了我几手。”
‘Well?’ said the Dhuta. ‘Who is your Shifu?’ Trinket’s thoughts ran on: ‘I can’t tell him that the moves were taught me by the Old Whore. If I do that, I’m done for: that’s as good as confessing that I’m a Palace Eunuch.’ So instead he replied: ‘I was taught a bit by one of my uncle’s girlfriends, a fat lady called Liu Yan.’ The Dhuta was visibly thrown by this. ‘Liu Yan? A girlfriend of your uncle’s? What uncle?’ ‘His name’s Wei, Treasure Wei.’ (Trinket to the power of ten!) ‘He’s a very smart Peking gentleman. A very good-looking man, who likes to throw his money around. The fat lady fell for him at first sight, and since then she’s been coming to our house all the time, jumping in and out over the garden wall in the middle of the night. I kept pestering her to teach me kungfu, so she taught me a thing or two.’

那头陀将信将疑，问道：“你叔叔会不会武功？”韦小宝哈哈大笑，道：“他会屁武功？他常常给柳燕姑娘抓住了头颈，提来提去，半点动弹不得。我叔叔急了，骂道：‘儿子提老子。’柳燕姑姑笑道：‘就是儿子提老子！孙子提爷爷也不打紧。’”他绕着弯子骂人，那头陀可丝毫不觉，追问柳燕的形状相貌，韦小宝竟说得分毫不错，说道：“这个胖姑姑最爱穿红绣鞋。大师父，我猜你爱上了她，是不是？几时你见到她，就跟她一起睡觉，睡了永远不起来好了。”那头陀哪知柳燕已死，这话似是风言风语，其实是毒语相咒，怒道：“小孩子家胡说八道！”但对他的话却是信了，伸手在他小腹上轻轻一拍，解他穴道。不料这一记正拍在他怀中那部《四十二章经》上，拍的一声，穴道并未解开。
The Dhuta was almost inclined to believe him. ‘What about your uncle? Does he know any kungfu?’ ‘My uncle? You must be joking!’ Trinket burst out laughing. ‘Auntie Liu was always grabbing him by the collar, and dragging him all round the house.’ The Dhuta asked a whole series of questions concerning Sister Swallow’s shape and appearance, which Trinket was able to answer with total accuracy, adding that she loved to wear red embroidered shoes. This last detail clinched it. The Dhuta was now convinced of the truth of Trinket’s story. He reached out his hand and tapped him lightly on the midriff, intending to open his Vital Point and send him on his way. But as bad luck would have it, his hand never touched the point. It hit instead upon the very spot where Trinket had secreted the Sutra.

那头陀道：“甚么东西？”韦小宝道：“是我从家里偷出来的一大叠银票。”那头陀道：“吹牛！银票哪有那么多的？”探手到他怀里一摸，拿了那包裹出来，解开来赫然是一部经书。他一怔之下，登时满脸堆欢，叫道：《四十二章经》，《四十二章经》！急忙包好了，放入自己怀里，抓住韦小宝胸口，将他高高举起，厉声喝道：“哪里来的？”
‘What have we here?’ asked the Dhuta. ‘Just a wad of banknotes I stole from home.’ ‘Rubbish! It’s much too thick!’ The Dhuta reached forward, extracted the packet from Trinket’s inner pocket, and unwrapped it. He was stunned by what he saw. The Sutra! The Sutra!’ he shouted, a big grin spreading all over his face. He hurriedly wrapped the Sutra up again, and placed it in the bosom of his own gown. He grasped Trinket by the chest, and lifted him up into the air. ‘Where did you get this?’ he yelled at him.

这一句话可不易答了，韦小宝笑道：“嘻嘻，你问这个么？说来话长，一时之间，哪说得完。”他拖延时刻，要想一番天衣无缝的言语，骗过这头陀。要说经书从何而来，胡乱捏造个原由，自是容易之极，但经书已入他手，如何骗得回来，可就难了。那头陀大声问道：“是谁给你的？”
This was no easy question. ‘Well. . . it’s a … a long story,’ stammered Trinket nervously. Til need some time to explain everything He was playing for time again, trying to figure out a story that would not only convince the Dhuta of the Sutra’s origins (that was easy enough), but also persuade him to relinquish possession of it. ‘Who gave it to you?’ the Dhuta asked loudly.

韦小宝身在半空，突然见到山坡上有七八名灰衣僧人向上走来，看模样便是清凉寺后庙所见少林十八罗汉中的人物，转头一看，又见到了几名，连同西首山坡上来的几名，共是十七八名，心下大喜，暗道：“贼头陀，你武功再强，也敌不过少林十八罗汉。”那头陀又道：“快说，快说！”
Trinket from his vantage point in mid-air caught sight of a party of seven or eight monks in grey climbing up the mountainside. He was soon able to identify them as some of the Eighteen Shaolin Lohans whom he had seen in the temple behind the Pure Coolness Monastery. When the Dhuta swivelled him in a new direction, he saw a few more clambering up from the west. He counted. Yes, there were altogether eighteen of them. Trinket cheered silently to himself: ‘Damn you, you putrid Dhuta! You’ll never beat the Eighteen Lohans of Shaolin, not in a month of Zen Sundays!’ ‘Tell me, quickly!’ the Dhuta barked. ‘Where did you get it from?’

眼见韦小宝东张西望，顺着他目光瞧去，见山坡上东、北、西三面缓缓上来的十余名和尚，却也不放在心上，问道：“那些和尚来干甚么？”韦小宝道：“他们听说大师父武功高强，十分佩服，前来拜你为师。”那头陀摇头道：“我从来不收徒弟。”大声喝道：“喂，你们快快都给我滚蛋，别来啰唆！”这一声呼喝，群山四应，威势惊人。
He noticed Trinket looking around and, following his line of vision, spotted the monks climbing slowly from the east, north, and west. But he did not seem particularly concerned. ‘What are they doing up here?’ he asked nonchalantly. ‘The fame of your kungfu has probably reached them, and they want to be your disciples!’ Trinket taunted him. ‘I don’t take disciples,’ the Dhuta said, somewhat obtusely, shaking his head. ‘Hey, you bonzes,’ he bellowed. ‘Scram! Go away!’ His mighty voice echoed across the valley.

那十八名僧人恍若不闻，一齐上了山坡。一名长眉毛的老僧合十说道：“大师是辽东胖尊者么？”韦小宝身在半空，听了这句话，忍不住哈哈大笑。这头陀身材之瘦，世间罕有，这老和尚问他是不是胖尊者，那多半是讥刺于他了。不料那头陀大声道：“我正是胖头陀！你们想拜我为师吗？我不收徒弟！你们跟谁学过武功？”那老僧道：“老衲是少林寺澄心，忝掌达摩院，这里十七位师弟，都是少林寺达摩院的同侣。”
But the monks continued climbing until finally they reached the spot where the Dhuta was standing. One of them, an old monk with especially long eyebrows, placed his palms together, and said: ‘Reverend Father, are you the renowned Fat Dhuta from Liaodong?’ Trinket, still dangling in mid-air, couldn’t help laughing. The old monk was surely mocking old Bag-of-Bones. To his great surprise the Dhuta replied loudly in the affirmative. ‘Yes, I am the Fat Dhuta. And I don’t take disciples. Who are you?’ ‘I am Brother Cordial of the Shaolin Monastery,’ replied the old monk. ‘I have the honour of presiding over the Dharma Hall. These are my seventeen Brothers, who all hail from the same place.’

胖头陀“啊”的一声，缓缓将韦小宝放了下来，说道：“原来少林寺达摩院的十八罗汉通统到了。你们不是想拜我为师的。我一个人可打你们不过。”澄心合十道：“大家无冤无仇，都是佛门一派，怎地说到个‘打’字？‘罗汉’是佛门中圣人，我辈凡夫俗子，如何敢当此称呼？武林中朋友胡乱以此尊称，殊不敢当。辽东胖瘦二尊者，神功无敌，我们素来仰慕，今日有缘拜见，实是大幸。”说到这里，其余十七名僧人一齐合十行礼。胖头陀躬身还礼，还没挺直身子，便问：“你们到五台山来，有什么事？”
The Dhuta put Trinket down. ‘Ah. … So you are the Eighteen Lohans of Shaolin. Well, if it’s a fight you’re after, I’m afraid I can’t oblige. You can hardly expect me to take all of you on single-handed.’ ‘We have no cause to fight. We are all believers in the same faith,’ protested Brother Cordial, still holding his palms together. ‘It is our most excellent karma to meet you today. We have long heard tell of the unmatched kungfu prowess of the Two Dhutas of Liaodong—yourself and your brother-in-arms, the Thin Dhuta. As for ourselves, we are unworthy of the name we bear. The Eighteen Lohans of old were holy men. We were merely given their name as a small mark of esteem by our friends in the Martial Arts fraternity.’ The other seventeen monks brought their palms together and bowed. Fat Dhuta bowed back. ‘What brings you here to Wutai?’ he asked.

澄心指着韦小宝道：“这位小施主，跟我们少林寺颇有些渊源，求大师高抬贵手，放了他下山。”胖头陀略一迟疑，眼见对方人多势众，又知少林十八罗汉个个武功惊人，单打独斗是毫不在乎，他十八人齐上就对付不了，便道：“好，看在大师面上，就放了他。”说着俯身在韦小宝腹上揉了几下，解开了他的穴道。韦小宝一站起，便伸出右掌，说道：“那部经书，是这十八罗汉的朋友交给我的，命我送去……送去少林寺，交给住持方丈，你还给我罢？”
‘There is a karmic bond between our Shaolin Monastery and this young gentleman,’ said Brother Cordial, pointing to Trinket. ‘We would like to ask you to show him mercy and release him.’ Fat Dhuta hesitated a moment, reflecting that he was greatly outnumbered. These were formidable fighters whom he could only hope to handle in single combat. ‘Very well. I shall set him free out of respect for Your Holiness!’ He bent down and opened Trinket’s point by rubbing lightly on his midriff. Trinket stood up at once and reached out his right palm. ‘Give me back the Sutra,’ he said to the Dhuta. ‘It was given to me by a friend of these Eighteen Lohans. He asked me to take it … to the Shaolin Monastery and hand it over to the Abbot. So I’d like it back!’

胖头陀怒道：“甚么？这经书跟少林寺有甚么相干？”韦小宝大声道：“你夺了我的经书，那是老和尚叫我去交给人的，非同小可，快快还来！”胖头陀道：“胡说八道！”转身便向北边山坡下纵去。三名少林僧飞身而起，伸手往他臂上抓去。胖头陀不敢和众僧相斗，侧身避开了三僧的抓掌，他身形奇高，行动却是轻巧无比。少林三僧这一抓都是少林武功的绝顶，竟然没碰到他衣衫。但胖头陀这么慢得瞬息，已有四名少林僧拦在他身后，八掌交错，挡住了他去路。胖头陀鼓气大喝，双掌一招“五丁开山”推出，乘着这股威猛之极的势道，回头向南，疾冲而前。
‘What?’ Fat Dhuta screamed with fury. ‘What’s the Sutra got to do with the Shaolin Monastery?’ ‘Never you mind! You stole it from me!’ Trinket had raised his voice. ‘Hand it over or else!’ ‘Nonsense!’ cried Fat Dhuta, turning around and setting off rapidly down the north face of the mountain. Three of the Shaolin monks instantly leapt to their feet and tried to snatch him by the arms. Fat Dhuta dared not take them on, but eluded them effectively despite his great height by stepping nimbly to one side and dodging their threefold attack. This form of snatch is a branch of kungfu at which Shaolin monks excel. But the monks failed even to touch the hem of his gown. In an instant, four more monks had positioned themselves behind the Dhuta, barring his way with their interwoven open palms. Fat Dhuta drew in a lungful of air and, letting out an ear-piercing scream, he thrust both palms forwards in the powerful move known as the Five Founding Fathers. Taking advantage of its phenomenal force, he spun round and dashed off towards the south.

四名少林僧同时出掌，分击左右。胖头陀双掌掌力和四僧相接，只觉左方击来掌力甚是刚硬，右方二僧掌力中却含有绵绵柔劲，不由得心中一惊，双掌运力，将对方掌力卸去，便在此时，背后又有三只手抓将过来。胖头陀一瞥之间，见到左侧又有二僧挥拳击到，当即双足一点，向上跃起，但见背后三僧伸出的手掌各各不同，分具“龙爪”“虎爪”“鹰爪”三形，心下登时怯了，大袖急转，卷起一股旋风，左足落地，右手已将韦小宝抓起，叫道：“要他死，还是要他活？”
The four monks behind him opened their palms simultaneously, and attacked from left and right. Meanwhile, Fat Dhuta caught a glimpse of three more snatching attacks coming at him from behind, as well as two karate blows on his left. He instantly leapt to his feet and threw himself kicking into mid-air. But the wide variety of claw-like snatches behind him—the Dragon, the Tiger, the Hawk—struck terror into his heart. He flailed his sleeves like a whirlwind, then landed on his left foot, seizing hold of Trinket with his right hand. ‘Do you want him dead or alive?’ he cried.

十八少林僧或进或退，结成两个圆圈，分两层团团将他围住。澄心说道：“这位小施主那部经书，干系重大，请大师施还，结个善缘。我们感激不尽。”胖头陀右手将韦小宝高高提起，左掌按在他天灵盖上，大踏步向南便走。这情势甚是分明，倘若少林僧出手阻拦，他左掌微一用力，韦小宝立时头盖破裂。挡住南方的几名少林僧略一迟疑，念声“阿弥陀佛”，只得让开。胖头陀提着韦小宝向南疾行，越走越快。
The Lohans—all eighteen of them—formed two circles, one inside the other. Fat Dhuta was trapped in the very centre. The Sutra is very important to this young gentleman,’ said Brother Cordial. ‘So please be so kind as to return it to him. If you do this virtuous deed, we will all appreciate your kindness.’ Fat Dhuta dangled Trinket high in the air with his right hand and, placing his left hand on the very crown of the boy’s head, he broke through the double circle and strode off down the south face of the mountain. The gravity of the situation was pretty clear. If the monks tried to stop the Dhuta, he would crush Trinket’s head simply by applying a little extra pressure with his left hand. The monks standing in his path showed a momentary hesitation, but finally withdrew to one side. Fat Dhuta went hurtling onwards to the south with Trinket, running faster and faster.

少林寺十八罗汉展开轻功，紧紧跟随。这时双儿被封闭的穴道已得少林僧解开，眼见韦小宝被擒，心下惊惶，提气急追。她拳脚功夫因得高人传授，颇为了得，可是毕竟年幼，内力修为和十八少林僧相差极远，加上身矮步短，只赶出一二里，已远远落后，她心中一急，便哭了出来，一面哭，一面仍是急奔。眼见胖头陀手中提了一人，奔势丝毫不缓，少林僧竟然赶他不上。再奔得一会，胖头陀提着韦小宝，向正南的一座高峰疾驰而上。十八少林僧排成一线，自后紧追。双儿奔到峰脚，已是气喘吁吁，仰头见山峰甚高，心想这恶头陀将相公捉到山峰顶上，万一失足，摔将下来，恶头陀未必会摔死，相公哪里还有命？
The Eighteen Lohans glided closely behind him, hovering above the ground and moving at what seemed superhuman speed. At this moment, Doublet, whose points had already been opened by the Shaolin monks, seeing that Trinket had been carried off, hurried in pursuit. She was a formidable fighter for her age, but not equal to the Shaolin monks in terms of her Inner Force. She found herself lagging a long way behind them. She was suddenly overcome by a sense of hopelessness, and burst into tears. Ahead of her she could see Fat Dhuta carrying Trinket with him, easily outrunning every single one of the Shaolin monks. Fat Dhuta was now rushing with Trinket towards a high peak to the south. The Lohans spread out in a line chasing after them. By the time Doublet had reached the foot of the mountain, she was already out of breath. She looked up at the precipitous mountainside, wondering what terrible fate awaited her master.

正惶急间，忽听得隆隆声响，一块块大石从山道上滚了下来，十八少林僧左纵右跃，不住闪避。原来胖头陀上峰之时，不断踢动路边岩石，滚下阻敌。十八少林僧怎能让岩石砸伤？可是跟他相距，却更加远了。澄光方丈和皇甫阁动手时胸口受伤，内力有损，又落在十七僧之后。双儿提气上峰，叫道：“方丈大师，方丈大师！”澄光回过头来，站定了等她，见她奔得上气不接下气，神色惊惶，安慰她道：“别怕！他不会害你公子的。”怕她急奔受伤，拉住她手，缓缓上山。双儿心中稍慰，问道：“方丈，他……他会不会伤害相公？”澄光道：“不会的。”他话是这么说，可是眼见胖头陀如此凶狠，又怎能断定？这山峰是五台山的南台，幸好山道曲折，转了几个弯，胖头陀踢下的石块便已砸不到人了。待得双儿随着澄光走上南台顶，只见十七名少林僧团团围住了一座庙宇，胖头陀和韦小宝自然是在庙内。
Suddenly a great rumbling interrupted her thoughts, and she saw a series of big rocks come rolling down the mountain. The Lohans evaded them by jumping to either side. Fat Dhuta was trying to deter his opponents from closing in, but his missiles failed to hit their targets. Doublet took a deep breath before setting off up the peak. The peak they were climbing was the southernmost peak of the Wutai Mountains. There are five main peaks on Wutai, and at the top of each of them is a monastery, each dedicated to a different manifestation of the Bodhisattva Manjusri, patron saint of the whole range. This one, criss-crossed with a maze of winding paths, was known as the Brocade Peak. Once Doublet reached the top, she saw the Shaolin monks positioned outside the monastery called the Monastery of Universal Salvation. Fat Dhuta and Trinket had already entered.

五台山共有五座高峰，峰顶各有一庙。五台山是佛教中文殊菩萨演教之场，峰顶每座庙中所供文殊名号不同，以文殊菩萨神通广大，以不同世法现身。东台望海峰，建望海寺，供聪明文殊；北台业斗峰，建灵应寺，供无垢文殊；中台翠岩峰，建演教寺，供儒童文殊；西台挂月峰，建法雷寺，供狮子文殊；南台锦绣峰，建普济寺，供智慧文殊。众人所登的山峰便是锦绣峰，那座庙便是普济寺。双儿叫了几声：“相公，相公！”不闻应声，拔足便奔进寺去。双儿直冲进殿，只见胖头陀站在大雄宝殿滴水檐口，右手仍是抓着韦小宝。双儿扑将过去，叫道：“相公，恶和尚没伤了你吗？”韦小宝道：“你别急，他不敢伤我的。”胖头陀怒道：“我为什么不敢伤你？”韦小宝笑道：“你如动了我一根寒毛，少林十八罗汉捉住了你，将你回复原状，再变成又矮又胖，那你可糟了。”胖头陀脸色大变，颤声道：“什么回复原状？你……你……怎么知道？”
‘Master! Master!’ shouted Doublet, running directly into the monastery grounds, where she found Fat Dhuta standing under the eaves of the Great Buddha Hall, with Trinket still firmly grasped in his right hand. Doublet dashed forwards. ‘Master,’ she cried, ‘did he hurt you?’ ‘He wouldn’t dare,’ said Trinket. That’s what you think?’ bellowed Fat Dhuta furiously. ‘If you dare to remove even one hair of my head,’ said Trinket with a highly provocative smile, ‘the Eighteen Shaolin Lohans will surely catch you, and change you back into the fat little dwarf you once were. Then you’ll be in trouble!’ The colour drained from Fat Dhuta’s face. ‘What are you talking about?’ he asked in a trembling voice. ‘How . . . how … do you know?’

其实韦小宝一无所知，只见他身形奇高极瘦，名字却叫做“胖头陀”，随口乱说，不料误打误撞，竟似乎说中了他的心病。韦小宝鉴貌辨色，听他语音中含有惊惧之情，当即嘿嘿冷笑，道：“我自然知道。”胖头陀道：“谅他们也没这本事。”突然之间，胖头陀右足飞出，砰的一声巨响，将阶前一个石鼓踢了起来，直撞上照壁，石屑纷飞，问双儿道：“你来作什么？活得不耐烦了？”
In fact, Trinket knew nothing. He had simply been improvising (in his usual fashion) his own explanation for the strange contradiction between Fat Dhuta’s skinny appearance and his bulky name. He seemed to have stumbled upon the Dhuta’s innermost secret by pure chance, and could sense the fear in the man’s voice. ‘I just know,’ Trinket replied with an icy sneer. ‘But the monks would never do me any harm,’ said Fat Dhuta. Without warning, he aimed a terrific kick with his right leg at a drum-shaped stone block, which flew with a great crash directly into the screen wall facing the gate of the monastery and instantly shattered into pieces, showering shards of stone everywhere. The Dhuta turned to Doublet and bellowed: What are you doing here? Do you want to die?’

双儿道：“我跟相公同生共死，你如伤了他半分，我跟你拚命。”胖头陀怒道：“他妈的，这小鬼头有甚么好？你这女娃娃倒对他有情有义？”双儿脸上一红，答不出来，道：“相公是好人，你是坏人。”只听得外面十八名少林僧齐声口宣佛号：“阿弥陀佛，阿弥陀佛！胖尊者，请你把小施主放了，将经书还了他罢！你是武林中赫赫有名的英雄好汉，为难一个小孩子，岂不贻笑天下？”
‘If he lives I live, if he dies I die!’ came the brave response. ‘If you hurt him the least bit, I’ll fight you till my last breath!’ Tarmady!’ blazed the Dhuta. ‘What’s so special about this little brat? Why do you care so much about what happens to himT Doublet flushed and hesitated before finally replying: ‘My master is a good man, and you are wicked—that’s why!’ ‘Amida Buddha! Amida Buddha!’ The voices of the Eighteen Lohans could be heard chanting outside. ‘Honourable Fat Dhuta, please release the young gentleman, and give him back the Sutra! If you harm a child, you will be reviled on River and Lake!’

胖头陀怒吼：“你们再啰唆不停，老子可要不客气了。大家一拍两散，老子杀了这小孩儿，毁了经书，瞧你们有什么法子。”澄心道：“胖尊者，你要怎样才肯放人还经？”胖头陀道：“放人倒也可以，经书可无论如何不能交还。”寺外众僧寂静无声。
‘Stop bothering me with your nonsense!’ growled the Dhuta. ‘Or I’ll really give you something to worry about! I’ll kill the child and destroy the Sutra.’ ‘Your Reverence, what are your terms for releasing the boy and returning the Sutra?’ asked Brother Cordial. ‘I can set him free, but I’m not going to return the Sutra, no matter what happens.’ The Eighteen Lohans outside all fell silent.

胖头陀四顾殿中情状，筹思脱身之计。突然间灰影闪动，十八名少林僧窜进殿来。五名少林僧贴着左壁绕到他身后，五名少林僧沿右壁绕到他身后，顷刻之间，又成包围之势。胖头陀怒道：“有种的就单打独斗，一个个来试试老子手段，你们就是车轮大战，老子也不放在心上。”澄光合十道：“请恕老衲无礼，我们可要一拥齐上了。”胖头陀提起左足，轻轻踏在韦小宝头上，嘿嘿冷笑。
Fat Dhuta looked carefully all around the hall, figuring out how to make his escape. But suddenly a series of grey figures flashed before his eyes. The Eighteen Lohans had sneaked into the hall. Five of them were moving along the left-hand wall behind his back, another five along the right-hand wall. Once again he was surrounded. ‘If you have the nerve, I’ll fight you in single-handed combat!’ he bellowed. He raised his left foot and rested it on Trinket’s head, giving a scornful sneer. Turtle Stele

韦小宝闻到他鞋底的烂泥气息，又惊又怒，他这只臭脚在自己头上一搁，脑子竟也似胡涂了，一时无计可施，眼珠乱转，要在殿上找些什么惹眼之物，胡说八道一番，引开胖头陀的目光，只消他稍一疏神，少林僧便有相救之机。可是他脑袋给踏在脚下，只看得到向外的一面，但见院子里有只大石龟，背上竖着一块大石碣。
Breathing in the smell of the dirt on the Dhuta’s sole, Trinket was both fearful and angry. Here he was, having his head trodden on by a smelly shoe, confused and unable to figure out what to do— his eyes darted around looking for some eye-catching object in the hall, anything around which he could concoct some drivel to attract Fat Dhuta’s attention. Once he was distracted, then the Lohans could come to the rescue. Unfortunately Trinket’s head was pinned to the ground and his field of vision was limited to what lay out in the courtyard. There he saw a big stone turtle with a large upright stone tablet on its back: an engraved stele with a long inscription.

韦小宝道：“胖尊者，你爹爹老是爬在院子里，背上压着几万斤的大石头，那不太辛苦吗？你也不救他一救，也真不孝。”胖头陀怒道：“甚么我爹爹爬在院子里，满嘴胡说。”韦小宝道：“那《四十二章经》共有八部，你只拿得到一部，得不到其余七部，单是一部经书，又有什么用？”胖头陀急问：“另外七部在哪里？你知不知道？”韦小宝道：“我自然知道。”
‘Fat Dhuta,’ he called out, ‘your dad’s out there crawling around the courtyard, with a big boulder on his back! Don’t you think it’s a bit tough on him? Aren’t you going to save him? You’re not much of a son, are you!”What are you blathering on about? What’s all this about my dad crawling in the courtyard?’ replied Fat Dhuta angrily.’ And there are eight Sutras altogether, so what’s the point of getting just one without the other seven?’ continued Trinket.Where are the other seven?’ asked Dhuta anxiously. ‘Do you know?’ ‘Of course!’

胖头陀道：“在哪里？快说，你如不说，我一脚踏碎了你脑袋。”韦小宝道：“我本来不知，刚才方知。”胖头陀奇道：“刚才方知，那是什么意思？”
‘Where? Tell me! Or I’ll squash your brain under my foot.’ ‘I didn’t know until just a second ago . . .’ ‘A second ago? What are you trying to say?’

韦小宝伸长脖子，瞧着石碣。那石碣上刻满弯弯曲曲的篆文，韦小宝自然不识，他却假装诵读碑文，缓缓的道：“《四十二章经》，共分八部，第一部藏在河南省什么山什么寺之中。那几个字我不认识。”胖头陀问道：“什么字？”见他目光凝视院子中的石碣，奇道：“这块石头上刻明白了？”韦小宝不理，作凝神读碑之状，道：“第二部藏在山西省什么山的什么尼姑庵中，胖老兄，这几个字我不认得，字又刻得模糊，你文武全才，自己去瞧个明白。”
Trinket craned his neck to get a proper look at the stele. It was covered in rows and rows of squiggly seal-script characters, not one of which he could decipher (needless to say). This did not deter him in the slightest. There are in all,’ he began to improvise, mimicking to perfection the tone of voice of someone reading from some ancient inscription, ‘eight copies of the Sutra in Forty-Two Sections. Of these, the first copy is hidden in such-and-such Monastery on such-and-such Mountain in Henan Province—I’m afraid there are one or two bits I can’t quite make out there . . .’ He made a great performance of squinting into the courtyard to get a better view of the inscription. The second copy is hidden in such-and-such Nunnery on such-and-such Mountain in Shanxi Province. … Fat Dhuta, I’m afraid I don’t know the characters and they’re rather worn. You’re so clever at everything, I think you should try to have a look yourself.’

胖头陀信以为真，俯身提起韦小宝，走到殿门口，细看石碣，碣上所刻的篆文，说是文字，自己可一字不识，但说不是文字，又刻在石碣上作甚？只听韦小宝继续念道：“第三部在四川什么山？这字我又不识了。”胖头陀早就听人说过，《四十二章经》共有八部，必须八部齐得，方有莫大效用，至于藏在何处，他更一无所知，听韦小宝这么说，已无半分怀疑，当即松脚，拉了他起来，问道：“第四部藏在哪里？”
Fat Dhuta picked Trinket up by the scruff of the neck and edged his way closer to the doorway, from which vantage point he was able to get a clearer view of the stele. He peered at the inscription. It was certainly writing of some sort, but the Dhuta was quite unable to read it. He had never learned seal-script. Trinket meanwhile had begun again: The third copy is on such-and-such Mountain in Sichuan Province—I’m afraid I can’t make that one out at all.’ Fat Dhuta had heard that there were eight copies of the Sutra, and that if (and only if) one could collect all eight of them one might be able to do something rather special (what it was exactly he had no idea). He also had absolutely no clue as to where they were, and no reason to doubt Trinket’s charade. He relaxed his foot and dragged Trinket to his feet. ‘And the fourth copy?’

韦小宝眯着眼凝望石碣，脑袋先向左侧，又向右侧，摇了摇头，道：“我看不清楚。”胖头陀提起他身子，向石碣跨了三步，相距已近，满脸都是询问之色。韦小宝道：“我头上痒得很。”胖头陀道：“什么？”韦小宝道：“这庙里有跳蚤，在我头发里咬我，胖老兄，你给我捉了出来。头皮痒得厉害，眼睛就瞧不清楚。”胖头陀除下他帽子，伸出一只巨掌，五根棒槌般的大手指在他发中搔了几下，道：“好些了吗？”韦小宝道：“不行，那跳蚤咬我左边头皮，你却搔右边，越搔越痒。”胖头陀便去搔他左边头皮，韦小宝道：“啊哟，跳蚤跳到我头颈里了，你瞧见么？”胖头陀明知他是在作怪，仍是放松了他手腕，只左手轻轻按住他肩头，陀他逃脱，道：“你自己搔罢！”韦小宝道：“啊哟，这他奶奶的跳蚤好厉害，定是三年没吃人血了，本来矮矮胖胖的，现在饿得又瘦又瘪，拚命来给老子为难。”说着左手伸入衣领，用力搔痒。
Trinket squinted, and wagged his head from side to side. ‘I just can’t make it out Fat Dhuta yanked him up, took three large steps forward, and deposited him right in front of the stele. ‘I’ve got a terribly itchy scalp!’ complained Trinket. ‘What?’ There are fleas in this place, and they’re biting me to death! Fatty old friend, give my head a bit of a scratch. I’m itching too much to read the writing!’ Fat Dhuta removed Trinket’s hat and began scratching his scalp with his massive fingers. ‘Is that better?’ ‘No, over to the left! That’s where they’re biting me. You’re too far over to the right!’ Fat Dhuta tried to oblige, but then Trinket protested that one of the fleas had jumped down his neck. The Dhuta gave up, released his wrist, and told him to scratch for himself. The little blighter,’ exclaimed Trinket. ‘It obviously hasn’t had a meal for three or four years, it must be starved of blood. Once upon a time it was a fat, juicy, bouncing little thing, now it’s all skin and bones . . .’

胖头陀知他绕个弯儿，又来骂自己是跳蚤，只装作不知，问道：“第四部经书藏在哪里？”韦小宝道：“嗯，第四部经书，藏于什么山少……少林寺的达……达什么院啊？”胖头陀吃了一惊，道：“藏在少林寺的达摩院？”韦小宝见他对少林十八僧十分忌惮，而这些少林僧又说是达摩院的，便故意出个难题，作弄他一下，料想他纵有天大的胆子，也不敢到少林寺达摩院去盗经。韦小宝说道：“这是‘摩’字么？我可不识得。胖老兄，你连这个难字都认得，又何必叫我读？啊，是了，你是考考我。说来惭愧，每一行中，我倒有几个字不识。”胖头陀斜眼察看少林众僧，脸色怔忡不定，问道：“第五部藏在哪里？”少林寺是武林中的大门派，韦小宝曾听海大富说过，又听他说皇太后冒充武当派，皇太后则说海大富是崆峒派，武当、崆峒，想来也是两个大门派了，于是将第五部、第六部说成分藏武当、崆峒两山之中。胖头陀脸色越来越难看。韦小宝说第七部经书是云南沐王府中的人得了去，第八部则是在“云南什么西王的王府”之中。白寒枫曾给他吃过苦头，这么说可以给沐王府找些麻烦；吴三桂平西王府中好手如云，连师父也甚为忌惮，胖头陀如敢去惹事生非，定会吃个大大的苦头。
Fat Dhuta tried to ignore Trinket’s taunts. ‘Well, where’s the fourth copy?’ Trinket strained his eyes once more. The fourth copy is on … such-and-such Mountain … in the … Dharma Hall of… the Shaolin Monastery Fat Dhuta started. The Shaolin Monastery?’ Trinket knew he was scared of the Eighteen Lohans. He could see him glancing uneasily out of the corner of his eye. ‘And the fifth?’ Trinket remembered Old Hai and the Old Whore talking about the Wudang and Kongdong Mountains and their respective Schools of kungfu, so he decided to bury the fifth and sixth copies somewhere on their mystic peaks. Fat Dhuta’s face was beginning to take on a scowling expression. The seventh copy, Trinket said, had fallen into the hands of the Mu Family, while the eighth was with some Satrap or other in Yunnan Province. … (If Fatty tried to beard Satrap Wu in his lair, thought Trinket, he’d be in for a bit of a scrap!)

不料胖头陀脸色大变，问道：“你说第八部经书是在平西王府中？”韦小宝道：“这个字我不识，不知是不是平西王。”胖头陀大怒，猛喝：“胡说八道！这块石碑没一千年，也有五百年。吴三桂有多大年纪了？几百年前的碑文，怎么会写上吴三桂的平西王？”
This last invention of Trinket’s suddenly brought a new expression to Fat Dhuta’s face. ‘Did you say the Satrap?’ he growled. Trinket hedged: ‘I couldn’t quite make it out, but I think so . . .’ Fat Dhuta was getting angry. ‘Rubbish! That stone must be at least five hundred years old, and Satrap Wu’s still alive!’

那石碣颜色乌黑，石龟和石碣上生满了青苔，所刻的文字斑驳残缺，一望而知是数百年前的古物。韦小宝不明这个道理，信口开河，扯到了吴三桂身上。他心中暗叫：“糟糕，糟糕！”嘴头兀自强辩：“我说过不识得这个字，是你说平西王的，说不定古时候云南有个狗西王、猫西王、乌龟西王呢。胖老兄，我跟你说，这些字弯弯曲曲，很是难认，你识得就识得，不识就不识，假装识得，读成了平西王吴三桂，这里众位大和尚个个学问高深，你乱读白字，岂不笑歪了他们的嘴巴？”这番话倒也极有道理，说得胖头陀一张瘦脸登时满面通红。他倒并不生气，点了点头，说道：“这些蝌蚪字，我是一字不识，原来不是平西王。下面又写着些什么字？”韦小宝寻思：“好险！抢白了他一顿，才遮掩过去。可得说几句好听的话，教他开心开心，他将‘蛇岛’说成是‘神龙岛’，又认得肥猪柳燕，多半是神龙教中的人物。”侧头看了半晌，道：“下面好像是‘寿与天……天……天……’天什么啊？”
It was true. The stone, and the stone turtle it sat upon, were dark and worn and moss-covered, and must have been several hundred years old at least. ‘Drat!’ thought Trinket, aware that he had put his foot in it rather badly. He improvised again frantically: ‘I told you I couldn’t quite make it out. … It might be some other Satrap, not Satrap Wu at all! There must have been one in the olden days. Satrap Pooh, or Loo, or something! Wait a bit: there’s some more writing underneath . . .’ Fat Dhuta’s curiosity got the better of his anger (and his scepticism). ‘Well, what does it say?’ Time to play the Snake Island card, Trinket calculated. ‘It’s really squiggly. … I can hardly make it out. Let me see now, something about Mystic Dragons. . . . Then there’s something about “Long Life to Our Great Leader Hong”

胖头陀神色登时十分紧张，道：“你仔细看看，寿与天什么？”韦小宝道：“好像是一个……一个……嗯……一个‘齐’字，对了，是‘寿与天齐’！”胖头陀大喜，双手连搓，道：“果然有这几句话，还有什么字？”韦小宝指着石碣，说道：“这些字古里古怪的，当真难认，是了，那是一个‘洪’字，是‘洪教主’三字，又有‘神龙’二字！你瞧，那是‘神通广大’四字。”胖头陀“哗”的一声大叫，跳了起来，说道：“当真洪教主有如此福份，寿与天齐？这千年石碑上早已写上了？”韦小宝道：“上面写得有，这是……这是唐太宗李世民立的碑，派了秦叔宝、程咬金立的，碑上写得明明白白，唐朝有个上知千年，下知千年的军师，叫做徐茂功，他算到千年之后，大清朝有个神龙教洪教主，神通广大，寿与天齐。”扬州茶馆中说书先生说隋唐故事，他是听得多了，什么程咬金、徐茂功的名字，烂熟于胸。其实徐茂功是唐朝开国大将徐绩，即与李靖齐名的英国公李绩，绝非捏指一算、便知过去未来的牛鼻子军师，韦小宝却哪里知道？他只求说得活龙活现，骗得胖头陀晕头转向，十八少林僧便可乘机救他出去。至于“洪教主神通广大，寿与天齐”云云，那是在庄家的大宅之中，听得章老三等神龙教教众说的。果然胖头陀一听之下，抓头搔耳，喜悦无限，张大了口合不拢来。韦小宝道：“这块大石头后面，不知还写了些甚么。”胖头陀道：“是！”绕到石碣后去察看。
Fat Dhuta went into a paroxysm of joy. ‘I knew it! A miracle! It was prophesied in ancient times!’ ‘Yes, I think you’re right,’ said Trinket. ‘Look down there, down in the left-hand corner. It says: “These words were spoken by the Great General Xu of the Mighty Tang dynasty, and this stone was erected by the Founder of the dynasty …” So it’s a prophesy, made many years ago: one day, many days in the future, during the conquest of the Qing Tartars, a Great Leader will arise on Snake Island, and Long Life and Blessings will be his!’ Trinket had hit the jackpot. Fat Dhuta was hopping around with uncontrollable joy. ‘I wonder what’s written on the back of the stone,’ said Trinket. Fat Dhuta walked behind the stone tablet to have a look.

韦小宝一个箭步，向后跳出。胖头陀一惊，忙伸手去抓。两边四名少林僧同时挥掌拍出。胖头陀只得挥拳抵挡。韦小宝已跳到少林僧的身后。顷刻间又有四名少林僧拥上。八名少林僧足下不停，绕着胖头陀急奔，手上不断发招，也不管这一招是否击中对方，一击便走，此上彼落，十六条手臂分从八个方位打到，正是一个习练有素的阵法。胖头陀守势甚是严密，但以一敌八，立时便感不支。只听得啪啪两声，一名少林僧和胖头陀各中一掌。那少林僧跳出圈子，另有一名僧人补了进来。再斗一会，胖头陀腿上被踢了一脚，他双臂伸直，转了一圈，将八名少林僧逼得各自退开两步，叫道：“且住！”八僧又各退两步。胖头陀道：“今日寡不敌众，经书就让给你们罢！”伸手入怀，摸出了经书。
This was what Trinket was waiting for. He leapt up and ran for it. Fat Dhuta tried to grab him, but four of the Shaolin monks intercepted him, two on each side. He parried with his bare fists, and four more of the Lohans threw themselves into the fray. By now Trinket was safely out of reach. There were now eight Lohans surrounding Fat Dhuta in a circle, striking out at him in a whirlwind of blows, each taking the other’s place in rotation. It was clearly a formation they had mastered from lifelong practice. Fat Dhuta fought well, but he was hopelessly outnumbered. Eventually he conceded defeat and cried out: ‘Enough! You can have the Sutra!’

澄心左手一挥，八名少林僧踏上两步，和胖头陀相距不过三尺，各人提掌蓄势。胖头陀并不理会，伸手将经书交过。澄心丹田中内息数转，周身布满了暗劲，左手三指捏诀，攻守俱备之后，这才伸出右手，慢慢将经书接过。不料胖头陀全无异动，交还了经书，微微一笑，说道：“澄心大师，你们少林寺十八罗汉名满天下，十八人打我一个，未免不大光彩罢！”
At a command from Brother Cordial the eight Lohans moved their circle three feet further away from Fat Dhuta. He held out the Sutra. Brother Cordial, having first circulated his Inner Force and strengthened his Cinnabar Field, braced three fingers of his left hand in preparation for some deadly sudden attack, held out his right hand, and slowly took hold of the Sutra. To the surprise of all watching, Fat Dhuta made no attempt at foul play, but handed the Sutra straight to Brother Cordial with a smile. ‘Brother Cordial, it seems a little cowardly for famous fighters like yourselves to take me on—eighteen against one!’

澄心将经书放入怀中，合十躬身，说道：“得罪了。少林僧单打独斗，不是胖尊者的对手。”左手一挥，众僧一齐退开，唯恐他又来捉韦小宝，五六名僧人都挡在他身前。胖头陀道：“韦施主，我有一事诚心奉恳，请你答允。”韦小宝道：“甚么事？”胖头陀道：“我想请你上神龙岛去，做几天客人。”韦小宝吃了一惊，道：“什么？要我去神龙岛？这种地方……”胖头陀道：“小施主的经书已由澄心大师收去，转呈少林方丈。小施主来到神龙岛，我们合教上下，决以上宾之礼恭敬相待，见过洪教主后，定然送小施主平安离岛。”
‘You must excuse us,’ said Brother Cordial, bringing his palms together and bowing, having first placed the Sutra safely in the pocket of his gown. ‘I’m afraid we would none of us have been a match for you in single combat.’ Again he made a gesture with his left hand, signalling the monks to take another step backwards. Some five or six of them were standing to the side guarding Trinket, for fear that Fat Dhuta might once again try to carry him off. ‘Mr Wei,’ said Fat Dhuta, ‘I have a request.’ ‘What is it?’ ‘I would like to invite you to our island as an honoured guest of the Mystic Dragons.’ Trinket was startled at the idea. ‘What? Me go to the Mystic Dragon Island? Not likely.’ ‘Your Sutra is now in Brother Cordial’s keeping, and he will take it to the Abbot of the Shaolin Monastery,’ continued Fat Dhuta. ‘Come to the island, and our Sect members will treat you as one of our most distinguished guests. After you have met our Leader, I promise to bring you back safe and sound.’

他见韦小宝扁了扁嘴，显是决不相信自己的话，便道：“澄心大师，请你作个见证。胖头陀说过的话，可有不作数的？”澄心知这头陀行事邪妄，但亦无重大恶行，他胖瘦二头陀言出必践，倒是早有所闻，说道：“胖尊者言出有信，这是众所周知的。只不过韦施主身有要事，恐怕未必有空去神龙岛罢。”韦小宝道：“是啊，我忙死了，将来有空，再去神龙岛会见胖尊者和洪教主就是。”胖头陀忙道：“该说洪教主和他老人家下属的胖头陀。第一，天下无人可以排名在他老人家之上，先说旁人名字，再提洪教主，那是大大不敬。”韦小宝问道：“那么皇帝呢？”胖头陀道：“自然是洪教主在前，皇帝在后。第二，在教主他老人家面前，不得提什么‘尊者’、什么‘真人’的称呼。普天之下，唯洪教主一人为尊。”
Trinket looked very doubtful, and pulled a face. Fat Dhuta turned to Brother Cordial. ‘Brother Cordial, please be my witness. Have I ever broken a promise?’ ‘We all know that you always keep your promise. The problem is Mr Wei. He has very important matters to attend to.’ ‘Yes,’ cried Trinket. ‘I’m terribly busy. Another day, when I have the time, I’ll come and visit you and your Great Leader.’ ‘No, no, no. . . . Please!’ said Fat Dhuta hurriedly. ‘You’ve got it the wrong way round! You must say Leader Hong and his subordinate Fat Dhuta. In that order! No one in the whole world should ever be mentioned before our Great Leader! It would be highly disrespectful!’ ‘Even the Emperor?’ asked Trinket. ‘Even the Emperor,’ replied Fat Dhuta. ‘Another thing: in the Leader’s presence no one else has the right to be called by tides like Dhuta or Lohan or Holy One. He is the one true Holy One in this world.’

韦小宝一伸舌头，道：“洪教主这么厉害，我是更加不敢去见他了。”胖头陀道：“洪教主仁慈爱众，恩泽被于天下，像小施主这等聪明伶俐的少年英雄，他老人家见了一定十分欢喜。小施主神龙岛之行，一定满载而归。教主他老人家大有恩赐，那是不必说了，说不定他老人家一高兴，传你一招半式，从此小施主纵横天下，终身受用不尽了。”
Trinket stuck out his tongue. ‘Sounds like I’m better off keeping out of this Leader’s way!’ he muttered inaudibly to himself. ‘Our Leader is full of benevolence and love, his mercy reaches into the farthest corners of the earth. Our Leader is sure to admire a young hero such as yourself. He is certain to shower with you gifts, and, if he is pleased, he may even reward you by teaching you a secret kungfu move or two. Such knowledge would give you power; it would be something to treasure for the rest of your days.’

他这番话说得极是诚恳、热切之意，见于颜色。本来他对韦小宝完全不瞧在眼内，曾伸脚踏在他头上，但这时满口“小施主”，又说甚么“聪明伶俐的少年英雄”，生怕韦小宝听不清楚，将一条竹篙般的身子弯了下来，就着他说话。韦小宝记起陶红英的言语，在庄家看到章老三等一干人举止，又想起皇太后和柳燕、男扮女装假宫女的模样，对神龙教实是说不出的厌恶，相较之下，所识的神龙教人物之中，倒是这个胖头陀还有几分英雄气概，可是他恃强夺经，将自己提来提去，忽然间神态大变，邀自己去神龙岛作客，定然不怀好意，莫瞧他这时说话客气，那是因为打不过少林僧而已，只要少林僧一走，定然又是强凶霸道，又有谁能制得住他？当下摇头说道：“我不去！”
Fat Dhuta talked like a true fanatic. While he was speaking he was bent double and holding his mouth right next to Trinket’s ear. Trinket did not like the sound of what he heard at all. Then Auntie Tao’s remarks about the Mystic Dragon Sect flashed through his mind, and with them a host of images—the Mystic Dragon riders at the ‘haunted’ Zhuang mansion; the Empress Dowager and her sinister associates (Sister Swallow, and the man-maid), all of whom had some secret connection with the Mystic Dragons. He found himself feeling a sudden sense of revulsion towards the whole lot of them. By comparison, Fat Dhuta seemed positively decent. But Trinket still didn’t trust him. There was something suspicious about his sudden change of attitude, from outright hostility to fawning flattery. This invitation of his might well turn out to be another sinister plot. Once the Lohans were out of the way, he might easily revert to his former behaviour. Trinket shook his head. ‘No, I’m not going!’

胖头陀一张瘦脸上满是懊丧之色，慢慢站直身子，向身周的十八名少林僧看了一眼，缓缓的道：“小施主，我的武功跟他们十八位大和尚相比，那是如何？”韦小宝道：“各有所长。”胖头陀怒道：“甚么各有所长？如果一对一的比拚，难道他们能胜得过我？”韦小宝道：“一对一，说不定是你赢。一对十八，那一定是你输了，这才叫各有所长哪。倘若一对一也是你输，那么你还长个屁！你不过是身材长些而已。”胖头陀微微一笑，道：“像我这样武功高强的人，你见过没有？”韦小宝道：“当然见过！你的武功也不过马马虎虎，比你高强十倍之人，我也见过不少。”胖头陀大怒，跳上一步，伸手向他抓去。四名少林僧同时伸掌挡住。胖头陀道：“你说谁的武功比我更高？”

韦小宝一时为之语塞，倒想不起曾见过有谁比他武功更高，师父的武功是极高的了，也未必胜得过他。胖头陀得意起来，道：“你瞧，你说不出了，是不是？”韦小宝道：“甚么说不出，我是不想说，只怕吓坏了你。武功高出你甚多之人，第一位，是天地会总舵主陈近南。我曾见他在北京城里跟人打架，双手抓住四名头陀，每个头陀都有二百来斤重，他双足一点，便飞身跳过城墙，你跟他相比，可相差太远了。”胖头陀哼了一声，他也素闻陈近南之名，但决不信他能手提四人、飞身跳过城墙，说道：“吹牛！”

韦小宝道：“第二位武功高强之人，是江南一位娇滴滴的小脚少奶奶。”他说到这里，向双儿瞧去。双儿连连摇手，要他莫说。韦小宝续道：“这位少奶奶曾和三十六个武当派的道士打架，三十六个道士围住了她，使出一种甚么……甚么阵法来……”胖头陀问道：“武当派的阵法，空手还是使剑的？”韦小宝道：“使剑的。”胖头陀道：“那是真武剑阵。”韦小宝道：“是了，你胖大师见多识广，知道是真武剑阵，那时候三十六把宝剑围住了那位少奶奶，剑光闪闪，水也泼不进去。那位少奶奶左手抱着孩子，右手是空手……”胖头陀大奇，说道：“她左手抱着孩子跟武当派比武？”韦小宝道：“那有什么希奇？她抱着的是一对双生子，都是男孩儿，很胖的……”他有意夸张庄家少奶奶的武功，又将孩子的数目加上一倍，续道：“……她嘴里哄着孩儿：‘两个乖宝宝，别哭，你们瞧妈妈变把戏。’一面将三十六名道士手里的宝剑都夺了下来，又将这些道士都点中了穴道，一个个站在那里，好似泥菩萨一般，动也不能动。那位少奶奶抱了孩子，让他们去抓老道士的胡子。老道士干瞪眼生气，两个孩子却笑得很是开心。”武当派跟少林派齐名，武功各有千秋，韦小宝是知道的。

他见胖头陀斗不过十八名少林僧，便说那少奶奶打败了三十六名道士，武功谁强谁弱，那也不用多说了。胖头陀听得如痴如狂，叹了口气道：“天下竟有这样神奇的武功！”韦小宝见居然骗信了他，甚是得意，道：“不瞒你说，这位少奶奶，就是我的干娘。”双儿初时听他说江南有一个少奶奶，还道说的是庄家的三少奶，后来听他说那位少奶奶有一对孪生儿子，又是他干娘，才知另有其人。胖头陀却又是一惊，道：“是你干娘？她姓什么？武林中有这样厉害的人物，我怎地没听见过？”韦小宝笑道：“武林中厉害的人物多着呢。像我这个老婆。”说着向双儿一指，道：“你瞧她小巧玲珑，娇滴滴的模样，怎知她一身武功？”双儿满脸飞红，道：“相公你别瞎说。”胖头陀跟双儿交过手，这样小小一个姑娘，居然身手了得，若非亲见，也真难以相信，点头道：“说得是。小施主既然不肯赴神龙岛，那也没法了，众位请罢！”

韦小宝道：“大师先行！”他似乎是客气，其实是要胖头陀先行，他若向东，自己便向西，他如往北，自己往南。胖头陀摇摇头，说道：“施主先请。我要将这石碑上的碑文拓了去。”韦小宝暗暗好笑，心想自己信口胡吹，居然骗得他信以为真。
Fat Dhuta’s emaciated face darkened. ‘Since you refuse to visit our island,’ he said gloomily, ‘I shall have to bid you farewell.’ Trinket politely said goodbye, trying to urge Fat Dhuta to leave first, so that he could set off in the opposite direction. Fat Dhuta shook his head uncooperatively ‘No, you go ahead. I still have work to do. I’m going to make a rubbing of the inscription.’ Poor Dhuta! He actually believed in the stele—or rather in Trinket’s off-the-cuff, garbled version of it! Trinket couldn’t help chuckling softly to himself as he went on his way.

注：

一、本回回目录自查慎行古体诗，平仄与近体律诗不同。

二、顺治四后。端敬皇后董鄂氏及康熙生母孝康皇后，与顺治合葬孝陵。废后及孝惠皇后（即本书中的皇太后）另葬孝东陵。“孝康”及“孝惠”都是到雍正、乾隆年间才加的谥号，康熙时还没有这样称呼。但通俗小说不必这样严格遵守历史事实。

三、顺治出家五台山一事，清代民间盛传。称为“清代四大疑案”之一。其余三大疑案是顺治皇太后下嫁摄政王、雍正夺嫡、乾隆出于海宁陈家。据官书记载，顺治因染天花而死，然而官书中疑点甚多，以致后人颇多猜测。清初大诗人吴梅村有《清凉山赞佛诗》四首，肯定与董鄂妃有关，颇有人认为隐指顺治因伤心爱妃之逝，而至五台山出家。诗云：“西北有高山，云是文殊台。台上明月池，千叶金莲开，花花相映发，叶叶同根栽。王母携双成，绿盖云中来（按：双成指女仙子董双成）。汉主坐法宫，一见光徘徊。结以同心合，授以九子钗……携手忽太息，乐极生微哀。千秋终寂寞，此日谁追陪？……”（言董鄂妃得顺治宠幸，顺治有人生无常之悲。全诗甚长，不俱录。）

“伤怀惊凉风，深宫鸣蟋蟀。严霜被琼树，芙蓉凋素质。可怜千里草，萎落无颜色。（按：“千里草”即“董”字，指董鄂妃逝世。）……南望仓舒坟（以曹操幼年夭折的儿子邓哀王曹仓舒比荣亲王），掩面添凄恻。戒言秣我马，遨游凌八极。（述顺治以爱妃逝世，内心伤痛及生出世之想。）八极何茫茫，曰往清凉山。此山蓄灵异，浩气供屈盘……名山初望幸，衔命释道安，预从最高顶，洒扫七佛坛……中坐一天人，吐气如旃檀。寄语汉皇帝，何苦留人间？……唯有大道心，与石永不刊。以此护金轮，法海无波澜（言顺治心生上五台山之志。）尝闻穆天子，六飞聘万里……盛姬病不救，挥鞭哭弱水。汉皇好神仙，妻子思脱屣……宠夺长门陈，恩倾清城李。琇华即修夜，痛入哀蝉诔。苦无不死方，得令昭阳起……持此礼觉王，贤圣总一轨。道参无主妙，功谢有为耻，色空两不住，收拾宗风里。”（觉王，即释迦牟尼。归结为皈依佛法，以禅宗求解脱。）

四、顺治在位时即拜玉林为师学佛。“玉林国师年谱”云：顺治十六年，世祖请师起名，师书十余字进呈，世祖自择“痴”字，上则用禅宗龙池祖法派中“行”字，法名“行痴”。玉林为“通”字辈，名“通琇”，字玉林，其弟子皆以“行”字排行。