The Deer And The Cauldron 36

The Deer And The Cauldron 36
第三十六回　犵鸟蛮花天万里 朔云边雪路千盘

The Secret Passage

两人吃了些鹿肉干，便躺在江岸边休息，等到二更时分，悄悄走向城寨。四下里寂静无声，这一晚月色甚好，望见那城寨是用大木材和大石块建成，方圆着实不小，决非一朝一夕之功。韦小宝心想：“这城寨早就建在这里了，并非有人偷看了我地图，告知了罗刹人，再到这里来建城。”眼见自己和双儿的影子映在地下，不禁栗栗危惧，暗想城头若有罗刹兵守着，几枪打来，韦小宝变成韦死宝了。当下扯了扯双儿，伏低身子，察看动静。只见城寨东南角上有座小木屋，窗子中透出火光，看来是守兵所住。韦小宝在双儿耳边低声道：“咱们到那边瞧瞧。”两人慢慢向那木屋爬去。刚到窗外，忽听得屋内传出几下女子的笑声，笑得甚为淫荡。韦小宝和双儿对望一眼，均感奇怪：“怎么有女人？”
When they had eaten a little dried venison, they lay under the bank, making themselves as comfortable as they could, and rested; then, at about nine o’clock, they got up and began stealthily making their way towards the fort. It was a bright moonlit night and, as they drew nearer, they could see the huge stones and massive timbers of which the walls were made. Clearly this was no recent structure and had taken a long time to build. Trinket now felt sure that the Russians who built it could not possibly have known about the map and its closely’guarded secret. He had not been reckoning with the moonlight and suddenly realized that the long shadows they were casting were making them an easy target for anyone on the walls with a firearm. He could see a wooden guardhouse on the south’east corner of the fort with a single window from which, through a chink in the shutters, a little light was gleaming. Pulling Doublet after him, he ran to take cover there and reconnoitre. As they crouched in the shadows beneath the window, they heard a little giggling laugh and looked at each other with the same unspoken question: What was a woman doing there?

韦小宝伸眼到窗缝上张望。当地天寒风大，窗缝塞得密密的，甚么都瞧不见，屋内却不断传出人声，一男一女，又说又笑，叽哩咕噜的一句也不懂。韦小宝知道这双罗刹男女在不干好事，心中一动，伸臂将双儿搂在怀里，双儿听到屋内的声音，似懂非懂，隐隐知道不妥，给韦小宝搂住后，生怕给屋内之人发觉，不敢稍动。韦小宝得其所哉，左臂更搂得紧了些，右手轻轻抚摸她脸蛋。双儿身子一软，靠在他怀里。不料地下结满了冰，韦小宝得趣忘形，足下一滑，站立不定，砰的一响，脑袋重重撞在木窗之上，忍不住“啊哟”一声，叫了出来。屋内声音顿歇，过了一会，一个男子声音喝问起来。韦小宝和双儿伏在地下，一时不知如何是好，只听得门闩拔下，木门推开，一人手提灯笼，向门外照看。韦小宝轻跃而起，挺匕首戮入了他胸膛。那人哼也没哼，便即软软的瘫了下去。双儿抢先入屋，只见房中空空荡荡地不见有人，奇道：“咦，那女人呢？”
Trinket raised his head to peep, but the crack was too narrow for him to see inside. They could hear a murmur of two people talking, a man and a woman, punctuated with more little laughs. It was fairly clear what they were up to. Listening to them provoked amorous feelings in Trinket, who put both his arms round Doublet and tried to give her a kiss; but Doublet feared his untimely fooling might make a racket and pushed him off. This unfortunately had the opposite effect to the one intended, for the spot they were standing on was slippery with compacted snow and the movement caused Trinket to pitch forward, hitting his head with considerable force on the wooden wall and crying out in pain. The talking in the guardhouse ceased instantly, and after a moment or two of expectant silence, a man’s voice called out questioningly. Trinket and Doublet crouched down even lower, hardly daring to breathe. A few moments later there was the sound of a bolt being drawn, the wooden door opened noisily, and a man came out and stood in the doorway, holding up a lantern and peering to left and right. Almost without thinking, Trinket leapt up and plunged his dagger in the man’s chest. His body went limp and he collapsed without a groan and lay still. At once Doublet rushed inside. A moment later Trinket heard her call out in surprise”Where’s the woman gone?’

韦小宝跟着进来，见房中有一张炕，一张木桌，一只木箱，桌上点了一枝熊脂蜡烛，那女人却已不知去向，说道：“快找，别让她去报讯。”眼见房中除了大门之外，别无出路。他将死人拉了进来，关上大门。见那死人是个外国兵士，下身赤裸，没穿裤子。韦小宝抬头向梁上一望，不见有何异状，说道：“一定是在这里。”抢到箱边，揭开箱盖，跟着身子向旁一闪，以防那罗刹女人在箱里开枪。过了一会，不见动静。双儿道：“箱子里也没有，这可真奇了。”韦小宝走近看时，见箱中放满了皮毛，伸手一掏，下面也都是皮毛。忽然间闻到一阵浓香，显是女子的脂粉香气，说道：“这里有点儿靠不住。”将皮毛抓出来抛在地下，箱子底下赫然是个大洞，喜道：“在这里了！”双儿道：“原来这里有地道。”韦小宝道：“赶快得截住那罗刹女子。她一去报信，大队外国强盗涌来，可乖乖不得了。”迅速脱下身上臃肿的皮衣，手持匕首，便从洞口钻了进去。他对外国兵是很怕的，外国女人却不放在心上。那地道斜而向下，只能爬行，他瘦小灵活，在地道中爬行特别迅捷，爬出十余丈，便听得前面有声。他手足加劲，爬得更加快了，前面声音已隔得甚近，左手前探，用力去抓，碰到一条光溜溜的小腿。那女子一声低叫，忙向前逃。
He dragged the man’s body inside and closed the door. It was a Russian soldier, in his uniform but without the breeches, the lower half of the body being completely naked. He looked around. The room was bare except for a brick kang, a table on which a bear’s’grease lamp was burning, and a wooden chest. The only way out was the door, and there was no one in the rafters overhead. With infinite care and dagger poised at the ready he opened the wooden chest, only to find that there was nothing in it but a heap of furs, though he had been fully expecting a Russian woman with a pistol to leap out and fire at him. However, when he removed the furs, he found that the chest had a large square hole in the bottom. It was the entrance to a secret passage.This is where she’s gone,’ he said. ‘We must try to catch her before she gives the alarm.’Quickly removing his bulky fur’lined gown and still cautiously holding the dagger in his right hand, he let himself down through the hole and found himself in a passage which for a while sloped downwards and then levelled out into a fairly narrow tunnel, too low for anything but crawling to be possible. After advancing a few yards in the darkness, he heard a slight noise ahead and increased the speed of his crawling. The noise was much closer now. He reached out a hand and touched a smooth bare leg. It was the woman, for when he took hold of it, she let out a little cry.

韦小宝大喜，心想：“我如一剑刺死了你，不算英雄好汉。好男不与女斗，中国好男不与罗刹鬼婆斗。外国男鬼见得多了，外国女鬼是甚么模样，倒要好好瞧上一瞧。”将匕首插回剑鞘，冲前丈余，两手抓住了那女子小腿。那女子在地道中不能转身，拚命向前爬行。这女子力气着实不小，韦小宝竟拉她不住，反而给她拖得向前移了丈许。韦小宝双足撑开，抵住了地道两边土壁，才不再给她拉前。突然之间，那女子用力一挣，韦小宝手上一滑，竟然给她挣脱。那女子迅即向前，韦小宝扑了上去，一把抱住她腰，突然头顶空了，却是到了一处较为宽敞的所在。那女子两声低笑，转过头来，向他吻去，黑暗之中，却吻在他鼻子上。
Trinket couldn’t bring himself to stab her, so he slipped the dagger back in his boot. A hero isn’t supposed to hurt women, and in any case he was curious to know what she would be like. He had seen quite a few Russian men by now, but never a Russian woman. This one must have been very strong, for when she found that turning in the narrow tunnel was impossible, she struggled on forwards, pulling Trinket after her. He managed to stop himself by bracing his feet against the tunnel’s walls, but as he did so she slipped from his grasp and swiftly crawled on ahead. However, being small, Trinket could crawl even faster, and was soon almost on top of her and holding her round the waist with both his arms. She gave a little laugh, wriggled round, and tried to kiss him, but in the darkness only succeeded in kissing the tip of his nose.

Princess Sophia

韦小宝只觉满鼻子都是浓香，怀中抱着的那女子全身光溜溜地，竟然一丝不挂，又觉那女子反手过来，抱住了自己，心中一阵迷迷糊糊，听得双儿低声问道：“相公，怎么了？”韦小宝唔唔几声，待要答话，怀中那女子伸嘴吻住了他嘴巴，登时说不出话来。
They had reached, without knowing it, the other end of the tunnel, for simultaneously they both became aware that they could raise their heads without bumping them. Trinket also became aware that the woman he was holding hadn’t got a stitch on. He could smell the perfume on her body as she rose to her knees to embrace him. When Doublet, still crawling towards them in the tunnel, called out ‘Master, are you all right?’, the woman stifled any response by kissing him passionately on the mouth. He could easily have succumbed to temptation, but just at that moment a voice somewhere above them quenched any amorous thoughts he might have had, like a bucket of icy water poured over his head.

忽听得头顶有人说道：“我们得知总督来到雅克萨，因此赶来相会。”这句话钻入耳中，宛似一桶冰水当头淋将下来，说话之人，竟然便是神龙教洪教主。怎么洪教主会在头顶？自己怀中抱着的这个罗刹女子，怎么又如此风骚亲热？他生平所逢奇事着实不少，但今晚在这地道中的遭遇，却是从所未有，匪夷所思。怀中抱的是温香软玉，心中想的是洪教主要抽筋剥皮。他胆战心惊之下，急忙放开怀中女子，便欲转身逃走，那知这女子竟紧紧搂住了他，不肯松手。韦小宝大急，在她耳边说道：“叽哩咕噜，唏哩花拉，胡里胡涂。”这几句杜撰罗刹话，只盼她听得懂。那女子轻笑两声，在他耳边低声说了几句话，料想必是正宗罗刹话，跟着伸手过来，在他腮帮子上重重扭了一把。便在这时，听得头顶一个男人叽哩咕噜的说了一连串外国话。他声音一停，另一人道：“总督大人说：神龙教教主大驾光临，他欢迎得很，没有过来迎接，很是失礼，请洪教主原谅。总督大人祝贺洪教主长命百岁，多福多寿，事事如意，盼望跟洪教主做好朋友，同心协力，共图大事。”韦小宝心道：“这传话的人没学问，把‘仙福永享、寿与天齐’传成了长命百岁，多福多寿。”只听洪教主道：“敝人祝贺罗刹国皇上万寿无疆，祝贺总督大人福寿康宁，指日高升。敝人竭诚竭力，和罗刹国同心协力，共图大事。从此有福共享，有难共当，双方永远不会背盟。”那传话的人说了，罗刹国总督跟着又叽哩咕噜的说之不休。韦小宝在那女子身边低声问道：“你是谁？为甚么不穿衣服？”那女子低声笑道：“你是谁？为甚么，衣服穿？”说着便来解韦小宝的内衣。韦小宝在这当口，哪有心情干这风流快活勾当？他听过汤若望、南怀仁说中国话，这时听这罗刹女子会说中国话，倒也不奇，忙道：“这里危险得很，咱们快出去。”那女子低声道：“不动，不动！动了，就听见了。”
‘We hurried to meet you here as soon as we heard that Your Excellency was coming to Albazin’ said the familiar voice. It was the Leader. Trinket’s first impulse was to escape, but the woman only held him tighter, murmured incomprehensibly into his ear, and pinched his cheek. Overhead a man’s voice could be heard speaking in what was presumably Russian. This was followed by another voice speaking Chinese, clearly an interpreter’ ‘His Excellency the Governor greatly welcomes the visit of the august Mystic Dragon Leader and expresses his apologies for not having arrived sooner to meet him. He looks forward with very much pleasure to our fruitful collaboration in this great enterprise.’ Then the Leader made some complimentary remarks about the Russian ’emperor’ and about His Excellency the Governor, which were followed by a lot more Russian in the other voice. It began to seem that the civilities in Chinese and Russian would drone on interminably. Desperate to escape, Trinket pleaded with the woman, speaking in a low voice in her ear’ ‘Look, it’s dangerous here. We’ve got to get away.’ He was forgetting that she was unlikely to understand Chinese; but surprisingly enough she did. ‘Not move! Not move!’ she said. ‘Moving, can hear!’

她说的虽是中国话，但语气生硬，听来十分别扭。韦小宝当下不敢稍动，耳听得洪教主和那罗刹国总督商议，如何吴三桂在云南一起兵，双方就夹攻满清，所定方略，果然和那蒙古人大胡子罕帖摩所说全然一样。说到后来，洪教主又献一计，说道罗刹国若从辽东进攻，路程既远，沿途清兵防守又严，不如从海道在天津登陆，以火器大炮直攻北京，当可比吴三桂先取北京。那总督大喜，连称妙计，说洪教主如此忠心，将来一定划出中国几省，立他为王。洪教主没口子的称谢。韦小宝又惊又怒，心想：“洪教主这家伙也是大汉奸，跟吴三桂没半点分别。他这计策倒毒辣得很，我得去禀告小皇帝，在天津海口多装大炮，罗刹国兵船来攻，就砰嘭，砰嘭，轰他妈的。”只听洪教主说道：“总督大人远道来到中国，我们没甚么好东西孝敬，这里是大东珠一百颗，貂皮一百张，人参一百斤，送给总督大人，另外还有贡品，呈给罗刹国皇上。”韦小宝听到这里，心道：“这老狗居然备了这许多礼物，倒也神通广大。”突然觉得脸上一热，那女子将脸颊贴了过来，跟着又觉她伸手来自己身上摸索。韦小宝低声道：“你摸我，我也不客气了。”伸手向她胸口摸去。那女子突然格的一声，笑了出来。
He had heard the Jesuits speaking perfect Chinese to the Emperor in Peking, without the slightest trace of an accent. Her accent was atrocious! He was glad that he was there, however, when the Leader began getting round to the purpose of his visit. He had come to advise the Russians that, as the northern approaches to the Capital were well’defended, an attack by the overland route through Liaodong would be much more costly than if they were to take the much longer sea route and make a naval attack on Tianjin.Tamardy! This man is as big a traitor as Satrap Wu!’ thought Trinket. ‘Somehow or other I must get back to the Emperor. If we had cannon lined up and waiting for them in Tianjin, we could blow these Losha foreigners into the sea!’He listened again. This time the Leader appeared to be offering presents.’I’m afraid after our long journey this is all we have to offer Your Excellency’ one hundred orient pearls, one hundred sables, and one hundred catties of ginseng.’At this point Trinket’s attention was distracted by the woman’s groping in a distinctly improper manner at his clothing.’Two can play at that game!’ he thought, and felt one of her breasts, causing her to let out a little shriek of laughter.

这一下笑声颇为不轻，洪教主登时听见了，但想总督大人房中藏了个女子，事属寻常，当下诈作没有听见，说了几句客套话，说道明天再行详谈，便告辞了出去。韦小宝突然听得头顶拍的一声，眼前耀眼生光，原来自己和那女子搂抱着缩在一只大木箱中，箱盖刚给人掀开。
The laugh was clearly audible in the room above, but the Leader, supposing it not unusual for a person in the Governor’s position to have a woman concealed on the premises, pretended not to have heard, merely making some excuse for breaking off the discussion with the suggestion that they should continue it next day, after which he politely took his leave, accompanied by the Governor’s Chinese interpreter. Immediately following his departure there was a loud bang as the lid of a large chest immediately over their heads, just like the one from which they had entered the secret passage, was thrown violently open, temporarily blinding them with light.

那女子嘻嘻娇笑，跳出木箱，取一件衣衫披在身上，对韦小宝笑道：“出来，出来！”韦小宝慢慢从木箱中跨了出来。只见一个身材魁梧的外国军官手按佩剑，站在箱旁。那女子笑道：“还有一个！”双儿本想躲在箱中，韦小宝倘若遇险，便可设法相救，听她这么说，也只得跃出。韦小宝见那女子一头黄金也似的头发，直披到肩头，一双眼珠碧绿，骨溜溜地转动，皮色雪白，容貌甚是美丽，只是鼻子却未免太高了一点，身材也比他高了半个头。韦小宝从来没见过外国女子，瞧不出她有多大年纪，料想不过二十来岁。她笑吟吟的瞧着韦小宝，说道：“你，小孩子，摸我，坏蛋，嘻嘻！”
Chuckling lubriciously and with careless unconcern, the woman stepped nimbly from the chest, picked up a gown, which she seemed to know would be there, and wrapped it round herself. ‘Come out! Come out!’ she called; and with much hesitation Trinket cautiously followed.’One more!’ said the woman; so Doublet, who had been hoping to lie in the tunnel concealed and only rush out if Trinket should need her help, was obliged to climb out too. She had with her Trinket’s fur’lined gown, which he hurriedly wrapped around himself.The young woman had golden hair which came down over her shoulders, lively, greenish’coloured eyes, and a very fair complexion. In fact, she was extremely beautiful but for her nose, which to Trinket’s way of thinking stood out far too prominently from her face. She was half a head taller than him. It was hard to judge her age, because she was the first foreign woman he had ever seen, but he guessed that she “was probably about twenty. ‘You, leettle boy’ she said, looking roguishly at Trinket. ‘Feeling me, naughty Naughty boy!’ She seemed very amused.

那总督沉着脸，叽哩咕噜的说了一会。那女子也是叽哩咕噜的一套。那总督神态恭敬，鞠了几个躬。那女子又说起话来，跟着手指韦小宝。那总督打开门，又将那中国人传译叫了进来，一男一女不住口的说话。韦小宝见屋中陈设了不少毛皮，榻上放了好几件金光闪闪的女子衣服，看那女子露出雪白的一半酥胸，两条小腿，肤光晶莹，心想：“刚才把这女人抱在怀里，怎地只这么马马虎虎的摸得几下，就此算了？抓到一副好牌，却忘了吃注。我可给洪教主吓胡涂了。”忽听那传译说道：“公主跟总督问你，你是甚么人？”
The Governor, however, (it was he who had thrown the lid of the chest open) looked like thunder and spoke rapidly to the woman in Russian. She answered him volubly in the same language, whereupon he suddenly became deferential and bowed several times. Then the woman spoke to him again and he went to the door, opened it, and called to the interpreter to come in again. The interpreter first listened to some instructions given him by the Governor in Russian and then addressed Trinket in Chinese’ ‘The Princess and His Excellency want to know who and what you are.’

韦小宝奇道：“她是公主吗？”那传译者道：“这位是罗刹国皇帝的御姊，苏菲亚公主殿下，这位是高里津总督阁下，快快跪下行礼。”韦小宝心想：“公主殿下，那有这般乱七八糟的？”但随即想到，康熙御妹建宁公主的乱七八糟，实不在这位罗刹公主之下，凡皇帝御姊御妹，必定美丽而乱七八糟，那么这公主必是真货了，于是笑嘻嘻的请了个安，说道：“公主殿下，你好，你真美貌之极，好像是天上仙女下凡。我们中国，从来没有你这样的美女。”苏菲亚会说一些最粗浅的中国话，听了韦小宝的说话，知是称赞自己美丽，登时心花怒放，说道：“小孩子，很好，有赏。”
‘Is she a princess?’ Trinket asked incredulously. ‘This lady is Her Highness the Princess Sophia, elder sister of the Russian emperor. The gentleman is General Golitsyn, the Governor of Albazin. You’d better kneel’ said the interpreter. She seemed a funny sort of princess to Trinket; but then he thought of Kang Xi’s sister, Princess Ning, and concluded that perhaps all emperors had sisters who were a bit crazy. He made her a very deep salutation in the Manchu style, kneeling on one knee and touching the ground with the knuckles of his right hand. ‘Pleased to meet you, Your Highness’ he said, smiling all over his face. ‘You’re as beautiful as an angel. There aren’t any ladies as pretty as you in China.’ The Princess knew enough Chinese to get the general idea of this compliment and was immensely pleased. ‘Chinese boy, very good!’ she said. ‘I give.’

走到桌边，拉着抽屉，取了十几枚金币，放在韦小宝手里。韦小宝道：“多谢。”伸手过来，烛光之下，见到公主五根手指真如玉葱一般，忍不住伸手抓住，放在嘴边吻了一吻。那传译大惊，喝道：“不得无礼！”那知道吻手之礼，在西洋外国甚是通行，原是对高贵妇女十分尊敬的表示，韦小宝误打误撞，竟然行得对了。只不过吻手礼吻的是女子手背，他却捉住了苏菲亚公主的手掌，乱吮手指，显得颇为急色。苏菲亚格格娇笑，竟不把手抽回。苏菲亚笑问：“小孩子，干甚么的？”韦小宝道：“小孩子，打猎的。”突然门外一人朗声说道：“这小孩子是中国皇帝手下的大臣，不可给他瞒过了。”正是洪教主的声音。
She went across to a bureau and, taking some gold pieces from a drawer, she handed them to Trinket. Ten gold pieces. Trinket thanked her and, because the hand that gave them was so soft and white, he impulsively leaned down and kissed it. The interpreter was deeply shocked, perhaps not having yet learned that kissing a lady’s hand was, to a Russian, the height of good manners. It’s true that Russians kiss the back of the hand, not, as Trinket had done, the palm; but the gesture was appreciated nevertheless and the Princess was quite ravished. ‘You leettle boy’ she asked, ‘doing what?’ ‘I’m a hunter’ said Trinket. High Diplomacy, High Stakes ‘No, he’s not!’ a voice called out loudly from somewhere on the other side of the door. ‘That boy is an important minister at the Chinese Emperor’s Court. Don’t believe a word he says!’ It was the Leader, of course.

韦小宝只吓得魂飞天外，一扯双儿的衣袖，便即向门外冲出。一推开门，只见洪教主双手张开，拦在门口。双儿跳起身来，迎面一拳。洪教主左手格开，右手一指己点在她腰里，双儿嗯的一声，摔在地下。韦小宝笑道：“洪教主，你老人家仙福永享，寿与天齐。夫人呢，她也来了吗？”洪教主不答，左手抓住了他后领，提进房来，说道：“启禀公主殿下，总督大人：这人叫做韦小宝，是中国皇帝最亲信的大臣，是皇帝的侍卫副总管、亲兵都统、钦差大臣、封的是一等子爵。”那传译将这几句话译了。苏菲亚公主和总督脸上都现出不信的神色。苏菲亚笑道：“小孩子，不是大臣。大臣，假的。”
This time Trinket was so scared that he lost his wits. Seizing hold of Doublet, he charged towards the door, as if the route to his destruction was the exit to escape. Needless to say, the door opened to reveal the Leader barring their way, who, when Doublet leapt at him and attempted to strike, easily parried a blow that would have put anyone else out of action and disabled her with a swift jab at her waist. As she sank with a little moan to the floor, Trinket automatically started on the usual litany of flattery and praise’ ‘Long Life to Our Leader! Blessings be on Him! And how is Madame’ Has she come too’ . . .’ But the Leader, not deigning to reply, simply picked him up by the collar and marched with him into the room. ‘Your Highness, Your Excellency,’ he said, ‘I beg to inform you that this person is Trinket Wei’ Viscount Wei, a minister in high favour with the Chinese Emperor, Deputy Commander of the Imperial Guard, Vice’Commander of Armies in the Field, and Imperial Plenipotentiary.’ This was haltingly translated by the interpreter. The Princess and the Governor looked incredulous. ‘Leettle boy’ said the Princess laughing, ‘not great minister. Minister, not true.’

洪教主道：“敝人有证据。”回头吩咐：“把这小子的衣服取来。”只见陆高轩提了一个包袱进来，一打开，赫然是韦小宝原来的衣帽服饰。韦小宝大为惊奇：“这些衣服怎地都到了他手里？洪教主当真神通广大。”洪教主吩咐陆高轩：“给他穿上了。”陆高轩答应了，抖开衣服，便给韦小宝穿上。这些衣衫连同黄马褂，都在树林中给荆棘扯破了，但穿在身上，显然十分合身，戴上帽子和花翎，果然是个清廷大官。这些衣帽若不是韦小宝自己的，世上难有这等小号的大官服色。韦小宝笑嘻嘻的道：“洪教主，你本事不小，我沿路丢掉衣衫，你就沿路的拾。”洪教主吩咐陆高轩：“搜他身上，看有甚么东西。”韦小宝道：“不用你搜，我拿出来便是。”从怀里掏出一大叠银票，数额甚巨。那总督在辽东已久，识得银票，随手翻了几下，大为惊奇，对公主叽哩咕噜，似乎是说：“这小孩果然很有些来历，身边带了这许多银子。”洪教主道：“这小鬼狡狯得很，搜他的身。”陆高轩将韦小宝身边所有物事尽数搜了出来，其中有一道康熙亲笔所写的密谕，着令：“钦差大臣、领内侍卫副大臣、兼骁骑营正黄旗满洲都统、钦赐巴图鲁勇号、赐穿黄马褂、一等子爵韦小宝前赴辽东一带公干，沿途文武百官，听候调遣。”这道谕旨上盖了御宝。那传译用罗刹话读了出来，苏菲亚公主和高里津总督听了，都啧啧称奇。
‘Permit me to show you proof’ said the Leader, and turning his head, he called to someone in the next room’ ‘Bring in the brat’s clothes!’ Doctor Lu came in carrying a bundle, which he undid to reveal, somewhat the worse for wear, the uniform Trinket had been wearing on campaign, with all his insignia, including the peacock’s feather and the yellow jacket. They were obviously his, because they would only have fitted a person of his size. Heaven knows how the Leader and his agents had got hold of them. ‘Better have him searched’ suggested Doctor Lu. ‘No need’ said Trinket. ‘I’ll do it myself.’ He took out the big wad of banknotes from inside his fur’lined gown. Golitsyn knew about banknotes from his experience on the frontier. He took the notes from Trinket, riffled through them and, having ascertained that they were all of a very high denomination, handed them back to him. He said something to the Princess in Russian, and for a few moments there was a brief exchange between them. They were clearly impressed and believed that the boy must, after all, be a person of some consequence.

洪教主道：“启禀公主：中国皇帝，是个小孩子，喜欢用小孩做大官。这个小孩，跟中国小皇帝游戏玩耍，会拍马屁，会吹牛皮，小皇帝喜欢他。”苏菲亚不懂“拍马屁、吹牛皮”是甚么意思，问了传译之后，嘻嘻笑道：“我也喜欢人家拍马屁，吹牛皮，”韦小宝登时大喜。洪教主的脸色却十分难看。苏菲亚又问：“中国小皇帝，几岁？”韦小宝道：“中国大皇帝，十七岁。”苏菲亚笑道：“罗刹大沙皇，是我弟弟，也是小孩，二十岁，不是头老子。”韦小宝一怔：“甚么头老子？啊，她说错了，把老头子说成头老子。”便指指她，说道：“罗刹美丽公主，不是头老子，很好。”指指自己，道：“中国大官，不是头老子，很好！”指指洪教主，道：“中国坏蛋，是头老子，不好！不好！”苏菲亚笑得弯下腰来。那罗刹国总督是个三十岁左右的年轻人，也大声笑了起来。洪教主却铁青了脸，恨不得举掌便将韦小宝杀了。
‘I must explain to Your Highness’ said the Leader. ‘The Chinese Emperor is very young. He likes to have young people about him. And this boy knows how to suck up to him. That’s how he’s come to hold these important posts.’ The Princess could understand most of this, but ‘suck up’ puzzled her. ‘What is “suck up” please?’ When it was explained to her at some length by the interpreter, she beamed’ ‘I like suck up.’ She turned to Trinket and asked him another question’ ‘How old Chinese Emperor?’ The Chinese Emperor is seventeen’ Trinket told her. ‘My brother, Tsar of Russia, also boy. Twenty’ said the Princess. ‘Not old man.’ ‘You, young person’ said Trinket, pointing to the Princess, ‘he, young person’ (pointing to Golitsyn), ‘I’ he said pointing to himself, ‘Chinese great official, also young person. Very good. He,’ (he pointed to the Leader), ‘Chinese bandit, old man. Very, very bad.’ The Princess found this vastly amusing and broke into peals of laughter. Golitsyn, seeing her amused, joined in the laughter, though he was all of thirty. The Leader looked as if he would like to kill Trinket with a single blow, but dared not.

苏菲亚问道：“中国小孩子大官，到这里来，甚么做？”韦小宝道：“中国皇帝听说罗刹国的大人来到辽东，派我来瞧瞧。皇上知道罗刹国皇帝也不是头老子，知道罗刹公主是仙女下凡，派小人前来送礼，送给公主和总督大人大东珠两百颗，人参两百斤。不料路上遇到这个大强盗，把礼物抢了去……”韦小宝话没说完，洪教主已怒不可遏，提起右掌，便向韦小宝头顶劈落。韦小宝先前在箱子中听到洪教主送了不少珍贵礼物给总督，于是拿来加上一倍，说成是皇帝送的。他口中述说之时，全神贯注瞧着洪教主，一见他提起手掌，当即使开九难所授“神行百变”轻功，溜到了苏菲亚公主身后。只听得豁喇一声大响，一张木椅给洪教主掌力击得倒塌下来。高里津吃了一惊，拔出短铳，将铳口指住洪教主，喝令不得乱动。刚才韦小宝那番话说得太长，公主听不懂，命传译传话，听完后向洪教主笑道：“你的礼物，抢他的，自己要一半，不好！”洪教主急道：“不是。这小子最会胡说，公主千万不可信他的。”
‘You Chinese boy big official come here, what do?’ asked the Princess. The Chinese Emperor heard that the Russians had appointed a great general as governor in the East.’ Trinket had too much to explain this time to be able to keep up his amusing attempt at pidgin. ‘He knew that the young Russian emperor had a sister who was beautiful as an angel, so he sent me with gifts for the princess and the governor’ two hundred orient pearls and two hundred catties of ginseng. Unfortunately on the way here I was held up by bandits who robbed me of all the gifts . . .’The Leader could contain himself no longer. This was to accuse him not only of stealing the gifts he had just presented, but also of holding back half of what he had stolen. Trinket anticipated his reaction and dodged behind the Princess just as a wooden chair crashed down on the spot where he had been standing. Golitsyn forestalled a second attack by covering him with a pistol. The Leader knew that, against a firearm, all his great strength and skill were of no avail and retreated to the door.This is all nonsense’ he said. ‘Her Highness must not believe the boy.’

他见罗刹总督以短铳指着自己，虽然西洋火器厉害，但以他武功，也自不惧，只是正当图谋大事之际，要倚仗罗刹国大力支撑，不能因一时之忿而得罪了总督，当下慢慢退到门边，并不反抗。高里津收起了短铳，说了几句。传译道：“总督大人请洪教主不必气恼，他知道这小孩子胡说。苏菲亚公主秘密来到东方，中国皇帝决不会知道。中国皇帝也不会送礼给罗刹国总督。”洪教主怒气顿息，微笑道：“总督大人英明，见事明白，果然不会受这小子蒙骗。”高里津问起韦小宝的来历。洪教主将他如何杀了大臣鳌拜、如何送御妹到云南去完婚、如何吹牛拍马、作恶多端、以致深得康熙宠幸等情加油添酱的说了，最后说道：“这小子是小皇帝的左右手，咱们杀了这小子，小皇帝一定大大不快活。咱们起兵干事，成功起来也快得多。”他一面说，传译不停的译成罗刹语。苏菲亚公主笑吟吟的瞧着韦小宝，大感兴味，似乎洪教主说得韦小宝越是十恶不赦，她听来越开心。
Golitsyn put away his pistol and addressed a few words in Russian to the interpreter, who then translated them for the Leader”His Excellency says that the august Leader is not to distress himself. He knows that the boy is lying about the presents. Her Highness’s visit to the East was a secret one which the Chinese Emperor could not possibly have known about. And the Chinese Emperor would be most unlikely to send presents to His Excellency.’The Leader was mollified, and when Golitsyn went on to ask for more information about Trinket, gave a brief sketch of his career, beginning with the assassination of Oboi, taking the opportunity to blacken him as much as possible, and concluding with the suggestion that it would be greatly in Russia’s interest to put him to death. He was the Chinese Emperor’s favourite, and the Emperor’s distress if he was eliminated would greatly assist the Russians in their campaign. All this was translated sentence by sentence into Russian. Unfortunately for the Leader, in neither Golitsyn’s nor Princess Sophia’s case was his narrative having the desired effect. In the Princess’ case, the more she heard of Trinket’s enormities, the more she seemed amused. Golitsyn’s reaction was rather different.

高里津沉吟半晌，问道：“中国皇帝很喜欢这小孩？”洪教主道：“不错。否则他小小年纪，怎会做这样的大官？”高里津道：“这小孩不能杀，送信给中国皇帝，叫他拿大批金银珠宝，来换他回去。”苏菲亚大喜，在高里津左颊上轻轻一吻，说了几句话。这几句话那传译不译出来，想来是赞他聪明。韦小宝心下暗喜：“只要不杀我就好，要小皇帝拿些金银珠宝来赎，那容易得很。”洪教主神色不愉，却也无可奈何。韦小宝将那叠银票分成了三叠，一叠送给苏菲亚公主，另一叠送给高里津，从第三叠中抽了两张一百两的出来，送给那传译，其余的揣入了自己怀中。苏菲亚、高里津、和那传译都很喜欢。苏菲亚要那传译数过，一共是多少银两，命他设法派人去关内兑换银子。一数之下竟是十万两有余，无意之间发了一笔大财，不由得心花怒放，抱住韦小宝，在他两边面颊上连连亲吻，说道：“银子够多啦，放了这孩子回去罢！”韦小宝心想此刻放了自己，非给洪教主抽筋剥皮不可，忙道：“这样美丽的公主，我从来没见过，想多看几天。”苏菲亚格格娇笑，说道：“我们，明天，回莫斯科去了。”
‘Did you say he is the Chinese Emperor’s great favourite?’ he said reflectively.’Oh, yes’ said the Leader. ‘A person so young would otherwise never have been given such responsibilities.’The boy must not be killed’ said Golitsyn decisively. ‘We must write to the Chinese Emperor and demand a large ransom for him.’ The Princess was delighted and planted a big kiss on Golitsyn’s cheek. Trinket thought he would make a start on the ransom himself, dividing his wad of notes into three parts, one part of which he offered ceremoniously to the Princess and one part to Golitsyn. The third part he put back in his inner pocket after extracting a one hundred’tael note from it and handing it to the interpreter. When Golitsyn told the Princess what the notes were worth, she kissed Trinket on both his cheeks and told him it was enough. ‘Tomorrow to Moscow we go back’ she said.

韦小宝哪知莫斯科在甚么地方，说道：“美丽公主，去莫斯科，小孩子大官，也去莫斯科。美丽公主，去天上月亮，小孩子大官，也去天上月亮。”苏菲亚见他说话伶俐，讨人欢喜，点头道：“好，我带你去莫斯科。”高里津眉头微皱，待要阻止，随即微笑点头，说道：“很好，我们带你去莫斯科。”向洪教主挥了挥手。洪教主只得告辞，出门时向韦小宝怒目而视。韦小宝向他伸伸舌头，扮个鬼脸，说道：“洪教主仙福永享，寿与天齐。”洪教主怒极，带了陆高轩等人，迳自去了。
Trinket had no idea where Moscow was, but he told her he would follow a woman as beautiful as she was to the moon. She nodded approvingly, sure that she would find this extraordinary boy an entertaining companion on her journey. But Golitsyn frowned. He was about to object, but then something occurred to him and he smiled and nodded too. ‘Good. We’ll let you go to Moscow then,’ he said affably. He waved a hand dismissively at the Leader, who was obliged to take his leave, glowering as he went at Trinket, who retaliated by pulling a face and sticking his tongue out at him.

To Moscow

罗刹国皇帝称为沙皇，今年二十岁，名叫西奥图三世，苏菲亚是他姊姊。这位西奥图三世生有残疾，行动不便，国家大事，经常在卧榻之上处理裁决。罗刹风俗与中华礼义之邦大异，男女之防，向来随便。苏菲亚生性放纵，又生得美貌，朝中王公将军颇多是她情人。高里津总督英俊倜傥，很得公主欢心。他奉派来到东方，在尼布楚、雅克萨两地筑城，企图进窥中国的蒙古、辽东等地。雅克萨城所在之处，便是满洲八旗的藏宝地。此处地当两条大江合流的要冲，满洲人和罗刹人竟不约而同的都选中了。公主天性好动贪玩，听说东方神秘古怪，加之思念情人，竟万里迢迢的从莫斯科追了来。苏菲亚虽然喜欢高里津，却做梦也没想过甚么坚贞专一。这日在高里津卧房中发现了一个地道，好奇心起，下去探察。这地道通到雅克萨城外，与哨岗联络，本是总督生怕城中有变，以备逃脱之用。苏菲亚见到那守兵，出言挑逗，便跟他胡天胡地起来。
Princess Sophia, unlike her younger brother, the Russian Tsar Theodore the Third, a twenty’year’old invalid who seldom left his bed, was an active, ambitious young person. Beautiful and emancipated, she had little use for conventional morality, and had dispensed her favours to most of the better’looking noblemen at the Russian court. Her particular favourite, however, was Golitsyn, and when Golitsyn was sent out east to build the forts of Albazin and Nerchinsk and keep a watchful eye on the frontier, the Princess, partly from a curiosity to see something of the fabled Orient, and partly because she was missing her lover, had recently, on an impulse, made the secret journey to meet him in Albazin. But though Golitsyn was the main object of her affection, she felt in no way inhibited from pursuing any other diversion that might come her way. One such was the unfortunate sentry whom Trinket had killed. While alone in the chamber she shared with Golitsyn, she had found the entrance to the secret passage he’d had made to escape by in case of emergency (a mutiny of the garrison, for example), and had climbed in out of curiosity. Having found this man in the room at the end of the tunnel, she had at once set about seducing him.

这时她听韦小宝说要跟去莫斯科，觉得倒也有趣，便带了他和双儿同行。苏菲亚有一队二百名哥萨克兵护卫，有时乘马，有时坐雪橇，在无边无际的大雪原中日日向西。如此行得二十余日，离雅克萨城已然极远，洪教主再也不会追来，韦小宝一问去莫斯科竟然尚有四个多月，不由得大吃一惊，说道：“那不是到了天边吗？再走四个多月，中国小孩变成外国头老子了。”苏菲亚道：“那你想回北京去吗？你看厌我了？”韦小宝道：“美丽公主就是看一千年、一万年，也看不厌。不过去得这样远，我害怕起来了。”苏菲亚这二十几日中跟他说话解闷，多学了许多中国话。韦小宝聪明伶俐，也学了不少罗刹话。两人旅途寂寥，一个本非贞女，一个也不是君子；一个既不会守身如玉，另一个也不肯坐怀不乱，自不免结下些雾水姻缘。这时苏菲亚听说他要回北京去，不由得有些恋恋不舍，说道：“我不许你走。你送我到莫斯科，陪我一年，然后让你回去。”
Now she had got Trinket to divert her, and taking him at his word when he said that he was eager to follow her, she made arrangements for him and Doublet to accompany her on the journey back to Moscow.They travelled, sometimes by troika, sometimes on horseback, with an escort of two hundred Cossacks. At first the days passed pleasantly enough with the Princess trying to teach Trinket a little Russian while at the same time improving her Chinese, and, as might have been predicted, the two of them were soon lovers. But when they had already been journeying through the monotonous, snow’covered steppe for three weeks or more and Trinket, confident that they were now safely beyond Leader Hong’s reach, asked hopefully if they would soon be in Moscow, he was horrified to be told that it would take another four months to get there.’Four months!’ he said. ‘It must be at the end of the world. By the time we arrive I shall be an old man!”You tired already then of me?’It was clear that the Princess was offended. He had already learned something of her temper and knew that if seriously upset she was quite capable of having him beheaded on the spot. He hastened to assure her that he was blissful in her company but merely frightened by the great distance.’I not allow you to go’ she said petulantly. ‘Reaching Moscow, you stay with me ONE YEAR, then to China go back.’

韦小宝暗暗叫苦，这些日子相处下来，已知公主性格刚毅，倘若不听她话，硬是要走，她多半会命哥萨克兵杀了自己，当下满脸笑容，连称十分欢喜。到得傍晚，悄悄去和双儿商量，是否有脱身的机会。双儿道：“相公要怎么办，我听你吩咐便是。”韦小宝眼望茫茫雪原，长叹一声，摇了摇头，知道两人倘若逃走，如不带足粮食，就算苏菲亚不派人来追，在这大雪原中也非冻死饿死不可。以前在辽东森林雪原之中，虽然荒僻寒冷，还可打猎寻食，这时却连雀鸟也极少，有时整整行走一日，雪地中见不到一只野兽的足迹，更不用说梅花鹿了。无可奈何之下，只得伴随苏菲亚西去。韦小宝初时还记挂小皇帝怎样了，吴三桂有没有造反，阿珂那美貌小妞不知是不是在昆明，洪教主和方怡又不知在哪里。在大雪原中又行得一个多月，连这些念头也不想了，在这冰天雪地之中，似乎脑子也结成了冰。好在他生性快活，无忧无虑，有时和苏菲亚说些不三不四的罗刹笑话，有时对双儿胡诌些信口开河的故事，却也颇不寂寞。
Trinket groaned inwardly. When he and Doublet were on their own, he had discussed with her the possibility of escaping and both had concluded that escape would be useless, as it would be quite impossible for them to get back to China on their own. On those vast empty steppes they would quickly get lost and perish in the snow. At first he thought much about the Emperor and Satrap Wu’s threatened rebellion, about Ah Kor in Yunnan and Fang Yi and all the others back in China; but then the snow seemed to freeze out his memories and he became resigned and began to be cheerful again, devoting whole days at a time to storytelling and stupid Russian jokes.

Russian Affairs of State

这一日终于到了莫斯科城外。那时已是四月天时，气候渐暖，冰雪也消融了。但见那莫斯科城城墙虽坚厚巨大，却建造得十分粗糙，远望城中房屋，也是污秽简陋，别说不能跟北京、扬州这些大城相比，较之中土的中小城市，也远为不及。只几座圆顶尖塔的大教堂倒还宏伟。韦小宝一见之下，登时瞧不起罗刹国：“狗屁罗刹国，甚么了不起？拿到我们中国来，这种地方是养牛养猪的。亏这公主一路上还大吹莫斯科的繁华呢。”离莫斯科数十里时，公主的卫队便已飞马进城禀报。只听得号角声响，城中一队火枪兵骑马出来。罗刹人性喜侵占兼并，是以国土广大，自东至西，达数万里之遥，人种复杂。国中精锐的军队一是哥萨克骑兵，东征西战，攻城掠地，压服各族人民；另一是火枪营，火器犀利，是拱卫京师的沙皇亲兵。火枪手驰到近处，苏菲亚吃了一惊，只见众官兵头上都插了黑色羽毛，火枪上悬了一条条黑布，那是国有大丧的标记，忙纵马上前，高声问道：“发生了甚么事？”火枪营队长翻身下马，上前躬身说道：“启禀公主：皇上蒙上帝召唤，已离开了国家人民，上天堂去了。”苏菲亚心中悲痛，流下泪来，问道：“那是甚么时候的事？”
A day finally came when they were approaching the outskirts of Moscow. Already it was May; the weather was getting warmer and the ice and snow had melted. From what he could see so far, Moscow, apart from its great walls and a few churches with onion’shaped domes, appeared to be a primitive, squalid place, not to be compared even with one of China’s small inland cities, let alone Peking or Yangzhou. He marvelled that during the journey the Princess had been constantly harping on its splendours, and began to take a very contemptuous view of both Russia and the Russian people. When they were about a mile from the city, some of the Cossacks galloped on ahead to give notice of the Princess’ arrival. After an interval a bugle sounded and a company of musketeers came riding towards them. The Princess observed that all were wearing black plumes in their hats and had black bands fastened to their muskets-the symbols of national mourning. She rode up to the captain and demanded to know what had happened. The captain dismounted and bowed’ ‘Your Highness, it has pleased Almighty God to summon His Imperial Majesty to heaven.’ The Princess at once began weeping. ‘When did this happen?’ she asked.

那队长道：“公主倘若早到四天，就可跟皇上诀别了。”苏菲亚虽然早知沙皇兄弟身子衰弱，命不长久，但乍闻凶耗，仍是不胜伤感，伏在鞍上大哭起来。韦小宝见公主忽然大哭，一问传译，才知是罗刹国皇帝死了，心头一喜：“罗刹国皇帝仙福不享，国里总要乱一阵子子，要派兵去打中国，就没这么容易。”苏菲亚等一行随着那队长进城，便要进宫。那队长道：“皇太后吩咐，请公主到城外猎宫休息。”苏菲亚又惊又怒，喝道：“甚么皇太后？那个皇太后管得着我？”那队长左手一挥，火枪手提起火枪，对住了随从公主的卫队，缴下了他们的刀枪，吩咐众卫士下马。公主怒道：“你们想造反吗？”
‘If Her Highness had arrived four days earlier, she could have taken her leave of him’ the captain replied. The Princess had known that her brother was not destined to live long, but was still grief’stricken to hear of his death, and bowing down over her saddle, she wept for him very bitterly. Trinket, of course, having gathered that the Russian Tsar was dead, rejoiced to think that the chances of a Russian invasion of China were diminishing. When she had sufficiently recovered herself, the Princess and her train followed the company of musketeers into the city with her Cossack escort in the rear. At the entrance to the palace the captain dismounted and barred the way’ ‘The Tsarina has given orders that Her Highness should retire to the Imperial Hunting Lodge outside the city.’ The Princess’ shock was quickly followed by rage. ‘What Tsarina?’ she shouted. ‘Who is this Tsarina to give me orders?’ At a signal from the captain the musketeers levelled their weapons at the Cossacks and made them dismount and lay down their arms. The Princess was furious. ‘Is this mutiny?’ she screamed.

那队长道：“皇太后怕公主回京之后，不奉新皇谕旨，因此命小将保护公主。”苏菲亚胀红了脸，怒道：“新皇？新皇是谁？”那队长道：“新皇是彼得一世陛下。”苏菲亚仰天大笑，说道：“彼得？彼得是个十岁小孩子，他会做甚么沙皇？你说的甚么皇太后，就是娜达丽亚了？”那队长道：“正是。”苏菲亚的父亲阿莱克修斯•米海洛维支沙皇娶过两位皇后。第一位皇后子女甚多，前皇西奥图三世和苏菲亚公主都是她所生，另有个小儿子叫做伊凡。第二位皇后娜达丽亚年轻得多，只生了一个儿子，便是彼得。苏菲亚道：“你领我进宫，我见娜达丽亚评道理去。我弟弟伊凡年纪比彼得大，为甚么不立他做沙皇？朝里的大臣怎样了？大家都不讲理么？”那队长道：“小将只奉皇太后和沙皇的命令，请公主别见怪。”说着拉了苏菲亚坐骑的马缰，折而向东。
‘The Tsarina feared that when you were back in Moscow you would be unwilling to submit to the orders of the new Tsar, so she has ordered us to take you under our protection,’ said the captain. The Princess was scarlet’faced with anger’ ‘New Tsar’ Who is this new Tsar?’ ‘His Imperial Majesty Peter the First’ said the captain. The Princess threw back her head and laughed’ ‘Peter is a child of ten, how can he possibly be Tsar’ I suppose the Tsarina you are talking about is his mother Natalia.’ ‘Just so’ said the captain. The Princess’ father, Tsar Alexius Mikhailovich, had married twice. Princess Sophia was one of several children he had had by his first wife. His second wife Natalia had only borne him this little boy, Peter. ‘Take me inside and I shall have this out with Natalia’ said the Princess imperiously. ‘My brother Ivan is older than Peter; they should have made him Tsar. What are the boyars at court doing’ Have they all taken leave of their senses?’ ‘Your Highness must forgive me, I am only doing my duty’ said the captain, and taking her horse by the bridle he began turning it round, so that it faced away from the entrance to the palace.

苏菲亚怒不可遏，她一生之中，有谁敢对她这样无礼过，提起马鞭，夹头夹脑的向那队长头上抽去。那队长微微一笑，闪身避开，翻身上了马背，带领队伍，拥着公主，连同韦小宝和双儿，一起送入了城外猎宫。火枪队在宫外布防守卫，谁也不许出来。苏菲亚公主大怒若狂，将寝室中的家具物件砸得稀烂。猎宫的厨子按时送来酒水食物，也都给苏菲亚劈面摔去。如此过得数日，眼见猎宫外的守御丝毫不见松懈，苏菲亚把队长叫来，问他要把自己关到甚么时候。那队长道：“皇太后吩咐，请公主在这里休息，等到彼得一世陛下庆祝登基五十周年，就放公主出去，参加庆典。”苏菲亚大怒，说道：“你说甚么？彼得庆祝登基五十周年，岂不是要把我在这里关上五十年？”
The Princess’ fury knew no bounds. Never in her whole life had she been treated so cavalierly. She raised her riding’whip and began lashing out wildly at his head and shoulders; but he dodged the blows, laughing, and jumped on his horse again. The musketeers closed round the Princess, Trinket, and Doublet, and trotted off behind the captain, keeping the three of them prisoners in their midst. By this stage there was no sign of the Cossacks. When they reached the Imperial Hunting Lodge, in the countryside at some distance from the city, the Princess, Trinket, and Doublet were hustled into an apartment and a heavy guard placed on all the exits. The musketeers showed every sign of staying. The Princess was by now almost demented with rage. She set about smashing up almost everything in the room that could be broken, and when the chef on the lodge’s staff brought in wine and food for her dinner, she threw the lot in his face. She kept up this behaviour for several days; then, when she saw that there was no relaxation in the restraint placed on her freedom, she summoned the captain to her and demanded to know how long she was to be kept a prisoner. The Tsarina’s orders are that Her Highness should reside here until the fiftieth anniversary of the Tsar’s enthronement. She will then be permitted to take part in the celebrations,’ the captain replied. ‘You mean you are going to keep me shut up here for fifty years?’ said the Princess.

那队长微笑道：“小将今年四十岁了，相信不能再侍候公主五十年。过得十年、十五年，定有更年轻的队长来接替。”苏菲亚想到要在这里给关上五十年，登时不寒而栗，强笑道：“你过来，队长，我瞧你可生得挺英俊哪。”想以美色相诱，让这队长拜倒石榴裙下，胡里胡涂的放了自己出去。那队长深深鞠了一躬，反而退后一步，说道：“公主请原谅。皇太后有旨：火枪营的官兵之中，倘若有人碰到了公主的一根手指，立刻就要斩首。杀了队长，副队长升上；杀了副队长，第一小队的小队长升上。大家想升官，监视得紧紧的。”原来皇太后素知苏菲亚美貌风流，若无这项规定，只怕关她不住。那队长退出后，苏菲亚无计可施，只有伏床痛哭，不住口的大骂皇太后。
The captain smiled. ‘I am already forty, Your Highness. No doubt in ten or fifteen years’ time I shall be retiring and another will take my place.’ The Princess felt a cold shudder pass through her, but forced herself to smile. ‘But you look younger than that, captain. You are a very handsome man,’ she said in her most winning manner. ‘Why be so formal’ Why don’t you come a little closer?’ The captain bowed and retreated several paces. ‘Forgive me, Your Highness, but I have orders not to do so. The Tsarina has said that if any officer lays a finger on Your Highness, he is to be instantly beheaded and his post given to the next in command.’ The Tsarina knew her enemy and had taken every precaution against the Princess’ wiles. When the captain had gone, the Princess threw herself face downwards on the bed and wept into the pillow, raising her head from time to time only to utter maledictions against the detestable Tsarina.

Trinket gives Counsel

韦小宝在猎宫中给关了多日，眼见公主每日里只是大发脾气，监守的火枪手也十分粗暴无礼，心想鬼子的地方果然鬼里鬼气，和双儿商量了几次，总觉逃出猎宫当可办到，要回中土去，却是难上加难。倘若无人带领，定会在大草原中迷失。别说要乘车骑马走上四五个月方回得到北京，多半只走得四五天，就已晕头转向、不辨东西南北了。两人无计可施，韦小宝只好满口胡柴，博得双儿一笑，聊以遣怀。这日正在说唐僧带了孙悟空、沙和尚、猪八戒到西天取经。韦小宝道：“我跟你打赌，唐僧到的西天，一定没莫斯科远。所以哪，我比唐僧还厉害。你如不信，跟你赌甚么？”双儿毫无赌兴，说道：“相公说比唐僧还厉害，就比唐僧厉害好了，我不跟你赌。我可没猪八戒厉害。”说着抿嘴一笑。忽听得那边公主房中，又是一阵摔物、擂床、顿足、哭泣之声。韦小宝叹了口气，说道：“我去劝劝，老是哭闹，有甚么用？”走到公主房中，说道：“公主，你别哭，我说个笑话给你听。”苏菲亚俯伏在床，双足反过来乱踢，哭道：“我不听，我不听。我要沙里扎进地狱去，要沙里扎娜达丽亚进地狱去。
The days went by and Trinket was beginning to find their confinement very hard to bear. The Princess’ tantrums continued unabated and the behaviour of the guards towards the two oriental foreigners in their midst was contemptuous and insulting. As there was no point in trying to escape, he whiled away the time by telling Doublet stories he had picked up in the past from watching plays and listening to professional storytellers. One day as he was in the midst of a story about Monkey from The journey to the West, the sounds of weeping and crashing furniture were becoming all too audible from the Princess’ bedroom. ‘I suppose I’d better go and talk to her,’ he said, breaking off. ‘What good does it do, her carrying on like this?’ He put on a smiling face and went in to her. ‘Don’t cry, Princess!’ he said. ‘Let me tell you a funny story.’ ‘Not want funny story,’ she said. ‘Want Tsarina in hell.’

韦小宝不懂“沙里扎”是甚么意思，一问原来是“沙皇的妈妈”，登时大为高兴，说道：“我道沙里扎是甚么恶人，原来就是皇太后。我跟你说，中国的沙里扎，叫做老婊子，也是个大大的恶人，后来我想了个法子，将她赶出皇宫去了。皇帝十分开心，就封我做中国大官。”苏菲亚大喜，翻身坐起，问道：“你用甚么法子？”韦小宝心想：“我赶走老婊子，只因她是假太后。你这罗刹老婊子，却是货真价实的沙里扎，我那法子自然不管用。”说道：“我这法子是串通了小皇帝，对付中国沙里扎。”苏菲亚皱眉道：“彼得很爱他妈妈，不会听我的话去反对沙里扎。除非……除非……”摇摇头，从床上起来，赤了一双脚，在地毡走来走去，咬紧了牙思索。韦小宝道：“我们中国有过一个女皇帝，叫做武则天。这女皇帝娶了许许多多男皇后、男老婆，快活得很。公主哪，我瞧你跟她倒差不多，不如自己来做女沙皇。”苏菲亚心中一动，这件事她可从来没想到过，罗刹国从来没女沙皇，她一直认为女子是不能做沙皇的。中国既有女皇帝，罗刹国为甚么不能有女沙皇？她自被囚在猎宫中之后，惊惧愤怒，脑中所不停盘旋的，只是如何逃出宫去，就算再到东方雅克萨，去跟高里津总督在一起，也比给皇太后监禁着好得多，这时忽然听到韦小宝说起“女沙皇”，眼前陡然间出现了一个新天地。她转过身来，眼中放出光彩，双手按住韦小宝肩头，在他左颊上轻轻一吻，微笑道：“我如做了女沙皇，就封你为皇后。”
‘What does “Tsarina” mean?’ Trinket asked her. ‘Tsarina, wife of dead Tsar.’ ‘Oh,’ said Trinket. ‘We had one of them in China. I called her “the Old Whore”. I found a way of getting rid of her. The Emperor was very pleased.’ ‘How get rid of Russian Old Whore?’ the Princess asked. ‘I got rid of the Chinese Old Whore with some help from the Emperor,’ said Trinket. The Princess shook her head. ‘Not good,’ she said. ‘Peter very fond of mother.’ At least she’s stopped misbehaving, thought Trinket. The Princess had got up and was pacing up and down on the carpet in her bare feet, frowning and thinking hard. There was once a woman in China who made herself Emperor,’ said Trinket. ‘She was called Wu Zetian. She had lots of good’looking men as her man’wives. I reckon you’ve got a lot in common with her. You ought to make yourself a Lady Tsar.’ The Princess was delighted with the idea. She placed her hands on his shoulders and kissed his left cheek. ‘When I Lady Tsar, I make you man’wife.’

韦小宝吓了一跳，心想：“这可万万使不得。”忙道：“我，中国人，做不得罗刹国男皇后，你封我做大官罢。”苏菲亚道：“你又做皇后，又做大官。”韦小宝心想：“眼前不知性命是不是能保，却在穷快活，又封我做皇后，又做大官。”苏菲亚道：“你快给我想个法子，怎么让我做女沙皇。”
‘Oh no,’ said Trinket in alarm. ‘You couldn’t have a Chinese one. You could make me a great lord.’ ‘Great lord and man’wife,’ said the Princess. ‘Now, how make me Lady Tsar?’

韦小宝皱起眉头，说到军国大事，他的见识实在平庸得很，和康熙固然天差地远，也远远及不上陈近南、索额图、吴三桂等人，说道：“公主，这种事难得很，我可不会想了。我即刻回去北京，请问我们的小皇帝，让他给出个主意，然后我带一批大本事的人回来，捉住那沙里扎罗刹老婊子，又捉住彼得小沙皇，这就大功告成了。”他说到“大功告成”四字，忍不住搂住苏菲亚，吻了她一下。苏菲亚“唔”了一声，说道：“不成，不成！你回去北京，再来莫斯科，一年也不够，我，已经死了，上天堂了。”韦小宝心想这话倒也不错，叹了口气，说道：“美丽公主，上天堂，中国小孩子大官，也跟着上天堂了。”苏菲亚轻轻将他一推，说道：“中国小孩，就会说话骗人，哄人欢喜，没用，拍……拍牛屁，吹马皮。”韦小宝听她把“拍马屁、吹牛皮”说成了相反，不由得哈哈大笑，随即见她脸有鄙夷之色，显是瞧不起自己，暗暗恼怒，寻思：“有甚么法子让她做女沙皇？武则天那女皇帝不知是怎么做成的？咱们不妨在罗刹国也来个印板，就可惜离北京太远，没法子问小皇帝或是索大哥。”韦小宝的学问，一是来自听说书，二是来自看戏，自从做了大官之后，说书是不大听了，戏却看了不少，但武则天怎生做上了女皇帝，这故事偏偏没听过、看过。

他眼望窗外，怔怔的出神，心中闪过许多说书和戏文中的故事：“女皇帝不知道，男皇帝是怎么做成的？朱元璋是打出来的天下，手下有大将徐达、常遇春、胡大海、沐英……”这是评话“大明英烈传”中的故事；又想：“李自成带兵打到北京，我师父的爸爸崇祯皇帝就上吊死了，李自成自己做了皇帝。清兵兵打走李自成，顺治老皇爷就做上了皇帝。吴三桂想做皇帝，就得起兵造反。看来不论是谁要做皇帝，都得带了兵大战一场，只杀得沙尘滚滚，血流成河，尸骨如山。”一想到打仗，登时便觉害怕。又想：“我们给关在这里，又有甚么兵？打甚么仗了？如果不打仗，做不做得成皇帝呢？”他对中国历史的知识有限之极，只知道不打仗而做皇帝的，只是康熙小皇帝一人，那是老皇爷出家而让位给他的。这法子当然不能学样。再想：看过的许多戏文之中，有一出《斩黄袍》，宋朝皇帝赵匡胤杀了大将郑恩，他妻子起兵为夫报仇。赵匡胤打不过，只好苦苦哀求，脱下黄袍来让她一刀斩为两截，算是皇帝的替身，好让郑夫人出气，皇帝大大出丑。有一出《鹿台恨》，纣王无道，姜太公帮周武王起兵，逼得纣王在鹿台上烧死，周武王做了皇帝。（韦小宝自然不知道，那时候还没有皇帝。）曹操这大白脸奸臣是怎么做了皇帝的呢？有一出戏文《逍遥津》，曹操带兵逼死了汉甚么帝，自己就做了皇帝，他手下大将有个张甚么、许甚么，都是很厉害的。（韦小宝记错了，曹操没有做皇帝。）刘备怎么做皇帝的？不知道，一定是关公、张飞、赵云给他打出来的。总而言之，要做皇帝，非打不行。就算做了皇帝，如果打不过人家，皇帝还是会给人家抢去做，就算不抢去，也会出丑倒霉。说书先生说《水浒传》，“林教头火併王伦”，晁盖要做强盗头子，串通林冲，杀了梁山泊上原来的大头子王伦。可见就算做强盗头子，也是要打。苏菲亚见他咬牙切齿，捏紧了拳头，虚打作势，笑问：“你干甚么？”韦小宝一怔，从沉思中醒觉过来，说道：“要做皇帝，一定得打。”苏菲亚一呆，问道：“打？跟谁打？”
Trinket knew nothing of strategy or statecraft, having always, in situations requiring such knowledge, relied on others, like Kang Xi, Songgotu, or the Helmsman, to tell him what to do. He was totally unqualified to answer the Princess’ question, yet she was waiting impatiently for an answer and showing dangerous signs that a tantrum was on the way. ‘You must give me a bit of time to think,’ he said, and went and stood by the window, gazing out vacantly and seeking for inspiration. All that he knew of Chinese history derived from the highly coloured, fictionalized accounts given in the theatre and the narratives of professional raconteurs. He turned over in his mind what he could remember of stories about the founders of various dynasties. The only thing they seemed to have in common was that each had involved a lot of fighting and bloodshed. He turned to the Princess’ ‘To be an Emperor you have to fight.’ ‘Fight who?’ she asked.

韦小宝道：“自然跟罗刹老婊子打。”苏菲亚听他说过几次“罗刹老婊子”，不懂“老婊子”三字是甚么意思，正要询问，忽然房门推开，那火枪营队长走进房来，一把抓住韦小宝胸口，叽哩咕噜说了一阵子话，将他抓了出去，又存他屁股上重重踢了一脚。那队长哈哈大笑，第二脚又向他踢去。韦小宝大怒，忽然纵起，一个筋斗翻了过来，已骑在那队长颈中，正是当日洪教主所授的救命三招之一“狄青降龙”。这一招他并未练熟，倘若用以对付武学高手，差得还远，但这罗刹队长怎会中土武功？韦小宝虽然毛手毛脚的一翻一跃，居然还是得手，双手食指压上他两眼，喝道：“不许动！眼睛，死了！”他不知罗刹话如何说“不许动，否则挖出你的眼珠。”只好说：“眼睛，死了！”那队长悟性倒还不低，居然懂得，大惊之下，当即不动。韦小宝右手拉扯他右耳，叫道：“走！”便如骑马一样，骑着他走回公主房中，叫道：“关门！火枪，拿。”
‘The Russian Old Whore, of course.’ At that moment the captain, who must have been spying on them, burst into the room, grabbed hold of Trinket by the front of his jacket, and began jabbering at him in Russian. Then he hustled him from the room and, when they were outside, kicked him really hard in the bottom. He would have given him a second kick, but Trinket, angrier than he had ever been before, thought of one of the tricks that the Leader had taught him’ he somersaulted onto the captain’s shoulders so that he was straddling his neck from behind, at the same time pressing his thumbs against the man’s temples and holding a finger against each of his eyes. He didn’t know how to tell him in Russian that if he moved he would gouge his eyes out, so he just said, ‘Eyes, kill!’ The captain had enought wit to understand what he meant and offered no resistance. ‘Now, walk!’ said Trinket, and using his ears like reins, he steered him back into the room. ‘Shut door, pistol take!’ he shouted to the Princess.

苏菲亚又惊又喜，忙关上了门，从队长身边抽出短枪，抵住他背心。韦小宝从他肩头跃下，解下他腰带来绑了双足，再解下他裤带，反绑了他双手。那队长裤带一去，裤子登时跌落，露出光光的下身。苏菲亚和韦小宝哈哈大笑。那队长胀红了脸，咬牙切齿，愤怒之极。
Surprised and pleased, the Princess hastened to close the door, removed the pistol from the captain’s belt, and pointed it at him. Then Trinket jumped nimbly down from his shoulders, tied his hands behind him with his sash, and undid the belt of his breeches to tie his feet with. As he did so, the man’s breeches fell down. Trinket and the Princess both laughed, for he was wearing nothing underneath. The captain’s face turned scarlet and he was almost spitting with anger.

房门轻轻推开，双儿探头进来，问道：“相公，没事吗？”韦小宝招手叫她进来，又关上了房门。双儿见到那队长狼狈的情状，又是好笑，又是奇怪。苏菲亚问韦小宝：“捉住队长，有甚么用？”韦小宝捉住这队长，只是出于一时气愤，没想到有甚么用，听苏菲亚问及，灵机一动，说道：“叫他带兵造反。”他不会说罗刹话的“造反”，用中国话说了。又道：“叫他杀沙里扎，杀沙皇，你，做女沙皇。”苏菲亚不懂中国话“造反”是甚么意思，但“杀沙里扎，杀沙皇，你，做女沙皇”的话却是懂的，一怔之下，随即大喜，向那队长叽哩咕噜的说了起来。
Just at that moment the door was pushed gently open and Doublet peeped in. ‘Are you all right, Master?’ she said. Then catching sight of the captain, she too burst out laughing. But what were they to do now’ The Princess, speaking in her fractured Chinese, pointed out that kidnapping the captain was CHAPTER 22 not going to help them very much. For a moment Trinket was stumped. He had acted in anger without really thinking about the consequences. Suddenly he had an inspiration. ‘Tell him to start a mutiny’ he said. The Princess didn’t understand the Chinese word he used, so he said’ Tell him, kill Tsarina, kill Tsar. You, make Lady Tsar.’ The Princess at first seemed a little startled, but then she looked pleased.

韦小宝听着两人大说罗刹话，不知所云，只见那队长不住摇头，料想他不肯答应，叫道：“他不听话，杀了。”从靴筒中拔出匕首，在那队长左颊上一刮，嗤的一声响，登时刮下了一大片胡子。苏菲亚笑道：“好锋利的短剑。”那队长吓得面如土色，心想：“这小蛮子原来有把短剑藏在皮靴里，真是古怪，当时没搜了出来。”苏菲亚问他：“到底肯不肯投降？拥我为女沙皇？”那队长道：“不是我不肯拥戴公主，我部下决计不会听令的。莫斯科有二十营火枪队，我们只有一营，就算造反，也打不过其余的十九营。”苏菲亚一听，这话倒也有理，但要对韦小宝解释，一时却也说不明白，只得大打手势，说到二十营火枪队时，十根手指不够用，只好除下鞋子，连十根脚趾也用上了，这才凑足二十营之数。韦小宝好容易明白了，心想这件事倒好生为难，坐在椅上，苦苦思索：“这队长不肯造反，杀了他也是无用。”对苏菲亚道：“队长不肯，叫副队长来造反。”苏菲亚道：“副队长？”韦小宝道：“对，叫副队长来。”苏菲亚把队长推到门边，用火枪指住他后心，说道：“叫副队长来！你如警告了他，我立刻就开枪。”
She started talking volubly to the captain in Russian, then he answered in Russian and they appeared to be arguing. Trinket couldn’t understand what they were saying, but he saw the captain several times shaking his head. He bent down and took the dagger from his boot. ‘If he won’t obey you, kill him!’ he said, waving the dagger under the captain’s nose; and with a deft stroke he cut off his left moustache. The Princess laughed, but the captain cursed himself for not having searched Trinket more thoroughly. What the captain had been telling the Princess was that his was only one of twenty companies of musketeers, and that even if he did start a mutiny, the other nineteen companies in Moscow, rather than joining in with them, would probably wipe them out. It cost the Princess a great deal of effort to explain all this to Trinket. In her demonstration she had need to use not only all of her fingers but also her toes. In the end she made it clear to him that by killing the captain he would accomplish nothing. Tell him to call in the adjutant’ he said. The Princess couldn’t see the point of this, but decided to do as he said. ‘Call for the adjutant’ she told the captain. ‘And don’t give him any warning, or I shall blow your brains out.’

那队长无奈，只得大声呼喝，叫副队长进来。过了一会，副队长推门进来。双儿早已躲在门后，副队长一进门，双儿伸指在他背心戳了几下，登时点中了他穴道，动弹不得。双儿喜道：“相公，外国鬼子的穴道倒是一样的，我还怕鬼子的穴道不同。”韦小宝笑道：“外国鬼子一样的有眼睛，有鼻子，有手有脚，自然也有穴道。”从副队长腰间拔出佩刀，对苏菲亚道：“你叫他，杀队长造反，他不肯，叫小队长来杀他。”苏菲亚心想此计甚妙，对副队长道：“你杀了队长，带领火枪营，做队长，听我命令。你不肯杀队长，我叫小队长来杀了你和队长，由小队长做队长。你杀不杀？”韦小宝道：“双儿，你解开他身上穴道，腿上的穴道可解不得。”双儿依言解了他上身穴道，将佩刀交在他手里。
The captain had no choke but to obey. Since he was tied up hand and foot, he shouted from where he stood that he needed the adjutant inside the room. After a brief interval there was a brisk knock and the door opened. Trinket had arranged for Doublet to be waiting in readiness behind it and, as the adjutant walked inside, she stepped up behind him and immobilized him with a couple of jabs to the spine. ‘Now’ Trinket said to the Princess, ‘tell him to kill the captain and start a mutiny. Tell him that if he won’t, we shall get one of the lieutenants to kill him.’ The Princess got the idea. ‘I want you to kill the captain’ she told him in Russian. ‘You are to take command in his place and after that carry out any other orders I shall give you. If you refuse to do this, I shall call in the senior lieutenant and tell him to kill you both. And I shall give the command to him. Will you do this for me?’ ‘Undo the point for his top half’ Trinket told Doublet, and when she had done so, he unsheathed the sword that the adjutant was wearing at his side and put it into his hand.

苏菲亚又问了一次。那队长破口大骂，连声恐吓。副队长平时和队长素有嫌隙，要他起兵造反，本是不敢，但听队长骂得恶毒，又想：“我若不杀你，那第一小队的小队长想做队长，也必杀你，反而连我也杀了。”当即提起佩刀，擦的一刀，砍下了那队长的脑袋。这一刀砍下，苏菲亚、韦小宝、双儿三人齐声叫好。不过苏菲亚叫的是罗刹话“赫拉笑！”韦小宝和双儿叫的自然是中国话了。苏菲亚拉住了副队长的手，连声称赞他英勇忠义，立即升他为火枪营队长，说道：“你坐下，咱们仔细商量。”副队长皱起了眉头，指着韦小宝和双儿道：“这两个外国小孩子，使了魔术，我下身动不了。”苏菲亚对韦小宝道：“请你，魔法，去了！”
The captain began cursing and swearing, though the fear could be heard in his voice. ‘Look’ said the adjutant, who had never got on with the captain and didn’t like the things he was saying, ‘I haven’t much choice but to kill you. If I don’t, it’s both of us, and there’s no point in that.’ He took a swipe with his sword at the captain and succeeded in half’severing his head. The Princess took his hand, having satisfied herself that the captain was dead, and praised his loyalty. ‘Sit down’ she said. ‘I want to discuss things with you.’ The adjutant frowned. ‘I can’t’ he said. The foreign children have bewitched me.’ ‘Please’ said the Princess looking towards Trinket, ‘magic, make going.’

双儿微微一笑，解开了副队长下身穴道。苏菲亚吩咐副队长：“你去传三个小队的小队长和副小队长进来，我要中国小孩子使魔法，每个人手动脚不动。”又跟韦小宝和双儿说了。副队长应命而去。过不多时，六名正副小队长排队站在门外。副队长一个个叫进房来，双儿逐个点了六人腰间的“志舍穴”和大腿的“环跳穴”。苏菲亚道：“副队长决心拥我为女沙皇，我们要出兵去杀了沙里扎，你们服不服从？”六名正副小队长眼见队长尸横就地，早知大事不妙，听苏菲亚这么说，更是心惊肉跳，面面相觑，谁也不敢开口。
Doublet smilingly obliged. The Princess then told the adjutant that she wanted him to order the junior officers to come in, entering the room one at a time. She wanted to see the foreign child bewitch them, she explained. When all six-three lieutenants and three ensigns-had severally entered the room and been immobilized by Doublet and were standing before her in a row, unable to move hand or foot, she addressed them as follows’ The adjutant wants to make me a Lady Tsar. We want to lead the men into Moscow and kill the Tsarina Natalia. Are you willing to help us?’ The six men had known that something was dreadfully wrong when they entered the room and saw the captain’s body lying on the floor. Now, hearing this proposition from the Princess, they looked at each other with ashen faces, too horrified to speak.

Mutiny

韦小宝心想：“满清来中国抢江山，鞑子兵搞‘扬州十日’，杀人放火，奸淫掳掠，老皇爷就此做成了皇帝。他妈的，我叫他们搞‘莫斯科十日’，搞得天下大乱，越乱越好。和尚打伞，无法无天！若不如此，怎抢得到皇帝做？”对苏菲亚道：“你叫大家进莫斯科城打仗，杀人、放火，答应他们做将军大官，有很多很多金子银子，大家抢美女做老婆！”苏菲亚一想不错，对副队长道：“你去召集全体火枪手。我来跟他们说话。”六百多名火枪手集合在猎宫广场。副队长派了十二名火枪手进来，将给点了穴道的六名正副小队长抬到广场。
All this talk of killing to make a new emperor had put Trinket in mind of the stories he had so often heard about the Ten Days of Yangzhou-the ten days of rape and arson and pillage perpetrated by the invading Tartars in his native city as a preliminary to the enthronement of a new Manchu emperor in Peking. Tamardy!’ he thought. ‘Why don’t we have a Ten Days of Moscow’ If we want a new kind of Russian emperor, the more rioting we have here the better!”Why don’t you tell the musketeers to go into Moscow and kill and burn and pillage to their heart’s content?’ he advised the Princess. Tell them they can all become lords or generals or something. Tell them they can have all the money they want and all the beautiful women for their wives.’This struck the Princess as an excellent idea. She told the adjutant to assemble the entire company of musketeers in the courtyard so that she could address them. When the men had assembled, she had the six immobilized officers carried out and stood up facing them like a row of statues.

苏菲亚站在阶石上，大声说道：“火枪手们，你们都是罗刹国的勇士，为国家立过很大功劳。可是你们的饷银太少了，你们没有美丽的女人，没有钱花，酒也喝不够，住的屋子太小，太不舒服。莫斯科城里有很多有钱人，他们有好大的屋子，有很多仆人，有很多美丽的女人，你们没有。这公平不公平啊？”
Then she climbed on a mounting-block and began to harangue them in a ringing voice that all of them could hear.It was a piece of rabble-rousing rhetoric that would have done credit to an impoverished revolutionary. There were fat merchants and idle nobles over there in Moscow, living idle lives in their luxurious mansions. They dressed in silks and furs. They monopolized the beautiful women. They ate the choicest food and drank expensive wines. They kept the finest horses in their stables, etcetera. While they, brave men, sweated and bled for their country, were poorly paid, ate wretched food, were subjected to every hardship, every inconvenience, etcetera, etcetera. Was this just? Was it fair?’

众火枪手一听，齐声叫道：“不公平！不公平！”苏菲亚道：“那些有钱人又肥又蠢，吃得好像一头头肥猪，如果跟你们比武，打得过你们么？这些富翁的枪法难道胜过了你们？他们的刀法难道胜过了你们？他们为国家、为沙皇立过功劳么？”她问一句，众火枪手就大声回答：“年特！”韦小宝只听众人一声“年特”又是一声“年特”，他知道在罗刹话中，这是“不”的意思，他不懂苏菲亚的话，还道公主劝火枪手造反，大家不肯听从，不禁担忧。苏菲亚又道：“你们都应当做将军，做富翁！你们个个应当升官发财。”众火枪手大声欢呼。有的问道：“苏菲亚公主，你有甚么法子让我们升官发财？”苏菲亚道：“你们想不想做将军？”众火枪手叫道：“要做啊。”苏菲亚道：“你们想不想有很多很多钱？”众火枪手道：“当然要啊！”苏菲亚又问：“你们想不想美丽的女人？”众火枪手都轰笑起来，叫道：“要！要！要！”苏菲亚道：“好！你们大家去莫斯科城里，跟其他十九营的火枪手说，是我苏菲亚公主下的命令，我是女沙皇，全罗刹国都听我的话。我准许你们，每一个火枪手，可以挑一家有钱人家，跟那个肥猪大富翁比武，谁杀得了他，那个富翁的大房子，他的金子银子，他的美丽女人、马车、骏马、衣服、仆人、婢女、美酒，甚么都是这个勇敢火枪手的。你们有没有勇气？是不是男子汉，大丈夫？敢不敢去杀人、抢钱、抢女人？”众火枪手齐声大叫：“敢，敢，敢！杀人、抢钱、抢女人，有甚么不敢？”苏菲亚大喜，叫道：“那好得很，我还怕你们是胆小鬼，不敢去干大事！快拿伏特加酒来！喂，你们到地窖里去，把最好的伏特加酒都拿来。”这沙皇猎宫的地窖之中，藏有数十年的陈酒，名贵之极，原是专供沙皇、皇后、公主、皇子以及王公大臣享用，这些火枪手本来哪能尝上一口？苏菲亚这命令一下，众兵士轰然大乐，登时便有数十人奔去取酒。片刻间，众兵在广场之上，将一瓶瓶伏特加酒敲去瓶颈，抢了痛饮，欢声大叫：“苏菲亚，女沙皇，乌拉，乌拉，乌拉！苏菲亚，女沙皇，乌拉，乌拉，乌拉！”罗刹话中，“乌拉”即是“万岁”之意，韦小宝虽然不懂，但见众兵欢呼畅饮，不住大叫“苏菲亚，女沙皇，乌拉”，料想是热诚拥戴。他拉拉苏菲亚的衣袖，说道：“叫他们，十二个小队长，杀了，不会退回来。”
As this was all in Russian, there was not a word of it that Trinket understood; but the roar of ‘Nyet Nyetl’ that answered her question he understood only too well, having heard it rather more often than he could have wished.The Princess went on to propose the remedy. They should go into Moscow and persuade their comrades in the other nineteen companies to join in their enterprise; tell them it was the express wish of the Princess Sophia, who was now their Lady Tsar, that they take all the gold, fine clothes, wine, horses, and beautiful women from the rich, idle pigs of the city. ‘Have you the courage for this?’ she asked. ‘Do you dare?’ ‘We do! We do!’ they cried. The Princess knew that the vaults of the Hunting Lodge contained a large stock of the finest old vodka that was reserved for the exclusive use of the Tsars and their favourite boyars. She asked for it to be fetched up and distributed to the men. As bottle after bottle was emptied, the men’s enthusiasm began visibly to increase. ‘Hurrah for the Lady Tsar!’ one of them ventured; and soon all of them were cheering’ ‘Long life to the Lady Tsar! Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah!’ This was a word that Trinket didn’t know. He tugged at the Princess’ sleeve. ‘Tell them to kill the six officers,’ he said in her ear. ‘If they do that, they’ll know they’ve got to go through with it’ there’ll be no turning back for them then.’

苏菲亚连连点头，朗声叫道：“罗刹国英俊强壮的勇士们，大家听了：我吩咐你们去杀富翁，抢钱、抢女人，可是沙里扎不许，派了这些坏蛋来，要治你们的罪！”说着向六名正副小队长一指。当下便有十余名火枪手抽出佩刀，大叫：“杀了坏蛋！”十几把长刀砍将下来，立时将六名正副小队长砍死。罗刹人本来暴烈粗野，喝了伏特加酒后，全身发烧，眼见得六名小队长血肉横飞，更是不可抑制，大叫：“杀坏蛋去，抢钱、抢女人去！”苏菲亚道：“你们去向莫斯科城中十九营的火枪手说，大家一起干，哪一个队长不许，立刻杀了。哪一个贵族、将军、大臣不许，立刻杀了，把他家里的金子银子、美丽的妻子女儿，通统拿来分了。那些坏蛋的房子，放火烧了。”众兵大声欢呼，纷纷抽出长刀，背负火枪，牵过坐骑，翻身上马。过了一会，便听得蹄声急促，群向莫斯科城奔去。
She nodded enthusiastically. With vodka inside them the men were easily suggestible. Who was holding them back from this brave undertaking, she asked them. She pointed to the six officers behind her. These are the ones who say you shouldn’t do it.’ Two of the assembled musketeers-named Vobolsky and Chironov-with more of an eye for the main chance than most, at once shouted enthusiastically ‘Kill the buggers!’, and a dozen of them with drawn sabres scrambled forward and swiftly hacked the unfortunate men to death. ‘Off with you to Moscow, then!’ cried the Princess. ‘Tell the men in the other companies to join you. If any of their officers tries to stop you, kill him! If boyars, or generals, or ministers of state give you trouble, kill them! Their gold and silver, their wives and daughters are yours. Take them, and then set fire to their houses!’ The men dashed off to get ready, then, having mounted their horses, with their muskets slung on their backs, they galloped off, cheering wildly, for the city.

苏菲亚对副队长道：“你也去抢啊，有甚么客气？最要紧的，不可跟别的火枪营冲突，大家一起抢。你带人冲进克里姆林宫，把沙里扎和彼得捉了起来。宫里的金银珠宝，美丽宫女，叫大家尽量抢好了，都是我赐给你们的。”副队长大喜，应命上马而去。
The Princess noticed the adjutant hanging back. ‘You go, too,’ she said. ‘Don’t be shy! See that the men don’t quarrel with the other companies, but act together. Take a group you can trust with you into the Kremlin and arrest Peter and the Tsarina. Any treasure or pretty women you can find there, you have my permission to take.’ The adjutant brightened considerably at this ana, muimung his horse, galloped off to join the others.

苏菲亚叹了口气，只觉全身无力，坐倒在阶石上，说道：“好累！”韦小宝道：“我扶你进去歇歇。”苏菲亚摇摇头，过了一会，说道：“咱们上碉楼去瞧瞧。”这猎宫全以粗麻石砌成，碉楼高逾八九丈，原为瞭望敌情之用。罗刹国立国之前，本是莫斯科的一个大公国，莫斯科大公爵翦平群雄，自立为沙皇。前朝沙皇生怕在出猎之时仇敌乘机偷袭，因此在莫斯科城外造了这座猎宫，以备仓卒遇敌之时守御待援。苏菲亚带了韦小宝和双儿登上碉楼，向西望去，隐隐见到莫斯科城中灯火点点，黑夜之中，十分宁静。苏菲亚担忧起来，说道：“怎么不打？他们，怕了？”韦小宝不明罗刹兵的性格，不知会不会上阵退缩，只得安慰她道：“不怕，不怕。”苏菲亚又问：“你怎知道叫兵士杀人、抢钱、抢女人，就可以，杀沙里扎，杀彼得？”韦小宝微笑道：“中国人，向来这样。”他想到了当年在扬州城中，听得老年人所说满清兵攻城的情形。清兵入关之后，在江苏等地遇到汉人猛烈抵抗，扬州尤其坚守不下。清军将帅就允许士兵破城之后，可以奸淫掳掠，一共十天。这“扬州十日”，实是惨酷无比。韦小宝自幼生长扬州，清兵如何攻城不克，主帅如何允许部卒抢钱抢女人，清兵如何奋勇进攻，这些故事从小听得多了。后来在北京，又听人说起当年李自成的部下如何在北京城里抢钱抢女人，张献忠又如何总是先答应部下，城破之后，大抢三天。看来要造反成功，便须搞得天下大乱，要天下大乱，便须让兵士抢钱抢女人。因此眼见火枪营士兵不敢造反，他自然而然的将“抢钱抢女人”五字真言说了出来。果然罗刹兵和中国兵一般无异，这五字秘诀，应验如神。等了良久，黑暗中忽见莫斯科城里升起一团火焰。苏菲亚大喜，叫道：“动手了！”搂住韦小宝又吻又跳。韦小宝喜道：“他们放火了，这就行啦。杀人放火，定要连在一起干的。”
Now that they had all gone, the Princess felt drained and sat down, exhausted, on the stone mounting’block. ‘Let me help you inside,’ said Trinket. ‘You ought to lie down and rest.’ ‘No,’ said the Princess. ‘We’ll go up to the watch’tower and see what happens.’ The Imperial Hunting Lodge had a high tower which a former Tsar, fearing that while he was hunting some rival might take advantage of his absence to start an uprising, had built as a lookout point from which to survey the city. The Princess, Trinket, and Doublet now climbed to the top of this tower and looked out towards the west. It was already dark and they could see the lights of Moscow in the distance. It all looked as tranquil and peaceful as on any other night and the Princess soon became impatient. However, after what seemed like several hours of fretful watching, they detected a growing patch of brightness in one part of the city. The fires had started! The Princess threw her arms round Trinket and kissed him. Soon several fires seemed to have broken out in the west half of the city and a dull red pall of smoke covered much of the eastern half. The Princess clapped her hands. ‘Killing now!’ she cried delightedly. ‘You, clever boy with plan!’

过不多时，但见莫斯科城中火头四起，东边一股黑烟，西边一片火光。苏菲亚拍手大叫：“大家在杀人放火了。小宝，你真正聪明，想的计策真妙。”韦小宝微微一笑，心想：“说到杀人放火，造反作乱，我们中国人的本事，比你们罗刹鬼子可大上一百倍了。这些计策有甚么稀奇？我们向来就是这样的。”苏菲亚道：“你叫大家杀了正队长，杀了小队长，大家只好一直干下去了，再想回头也不行了。小孩子，真聪明，中国大官，了不起。”韦小宝道：“这叫做投名状。”苏菲亚道：“甚么，丢命上？”韦小宝哈哈大笑，说道：“是，丢了性命，拚命上啊。”心中暗骂罗刹人没学问。中国人绿林为盗，入伙之时，盗魁必命新兄弟去做件案子，杀一个人。这人犯了杀人大罪之后，从此不会去出首告密。《水浒传》中林冲上梁山泊入伙，王伦叫他去杀人做案，缴一个“投名状”。韦小宝听说书听得多了，熟知这门规矩，心想：“我们中国人的法子，罗刹鬼子一窍也不通，看来这些罗刹人虽然凶狠横蛮，倒也不难对付。”苏菲亚眼见莫斯科城中火头越来越旺，四处蔓延，又担忧起来，不知火枪营官兵乱抢乱杀之后，变成怎生一番光景，问韦小宝：“杀人放火，抢钱抢女人，以后，怎样？”韦小宝一怔，他只知道要造反就得纵容士兵杀人放火、抢钱抢女人，以后怎么，可不懂了，只得说道：“这个？抢够了，不抢了。杀够了，不杀了。”苏菲亚皱起眉头，心想这可不是办法，一时之间却也无计可施。三人瞧了一会，回入寝宫，静候消息。
But as time went by and the number of fires increased, she began to worry. What would the next step be in the plan for her enthronement, she asked him. Alas! there was nothing in Trinket’s colourful stock of folklore that would provide an answer. ‘I suppose when they’ve pillaged enough, they’ll just stop pillaging,’ he said rather weakly. The Princess frowned. She didn’t feel that this really answered her question; but since, for the time being at any rate, there was nothing else to be done, the three of them descended from the tower and made their way to bed.

Trinket has another Cunning Plan

次日一早，那火枪营副队长带了一小队人马，来到猎宫向苏菲亚报告：二十营火枪队昨晚遵奉女沙皇之命，抢了一夜，金银美女，抢了不计其数，已把沙里扎娜达丽亚杀了。苏菲亚大喜，跳起身来，叫道：“娜达丽亚杀死了？彼得呢？”副队长道：“小彼得已抓了起来，关在克里姆林宫的酒窖里。”苏菲亚大叫：“赫拉笑！赫拉笑！”
Next morning the adjutant arrived accompanied by a small group of other horsemen-the two ‘enthusiasts’ Vobolsky and Chironov among them-and announced that all twenty companies of musketeers had responded to the Princess’ orders by engaging in a night of pillage. More importantly, the Tsarina Natalia had been killed. ‘What about Peter?’ she asked. ‘Young Peter has been arrested and imprisoned in the wine cellar of the Kremlin.’ ‘Good! Good!’ she exclaimed delightedly. (The word she actually used was khorosho, which sounds like ‘harra shaw’.)

只听得马蹄声响，又有大队人马疾驰而来。苏菲亚脸上变色，惊问：“甚么人？”副队长道：“莫斯科城里的王公、大臣、将军们，齐来请陛下登位，做罗刹国女沙皇。”苏菲亚心花怒放，一把搂住韦小宝，在他左右颊上连吻数下，叫道：“中国小孩，好计策！”耳听得马蹄声在猎宫外停歇，跟着皮靴击地声响，一群人走进宫来。当先一人是大臣波多尼兹亲王。他走到苏菲亚面前，躬身说道：“王公贵族、大臣将军一致议决，请苏菲亚公主回宫主持大局，平服动乱，恢复和平。”苏菲亚满脸笑容，点头接纳，问道：“叛党首领娜达丽亚，是不是已经杀了？”波多尼兹亲王回禀：“娜达丽亚扰乱国家，杀害忠良，自私擅权，包藏祸心，已经遵奉上帝旨意，正法处决，大快人心。”苏菲亚道：“很好，咱们去克里姆林宫。”
She became apprehensive when shortly after this another party on horseback could be heard approaching. But the adjutant reassured her. This was a delegation of ministers and other dignitaries, both civil and military, coming to invite her to be Lady Tsar. The Princess was now in raptures. Trinket stood high again in her estimation and she embraced and kissed him, twice this time, once on each cheek. What Prince Bodonich, the leader of the delegation, actually told her, however, was that the council of boyars were entreating her to take over control in order to restore law and order. No mention was made of the imperial title. The Princess, seemingly unaware of this omission, nodded smilingly in acceptance and asked whether or not Natalia, who was undoubtedly responsible for this deplorable uprising, was still alive. ‘Natalia was a threat to the security of our country’ the Prince replied. ‘She usurped the power of the state and was responsible for the death of loyal ministers. By the grace of God and to the great satisfaction of the Russian people she has been justly executed.’ ‘Good’ said the Princess. ‘We shall go at once to the Kremlin.’

众大臣和火枪营蜂拥着苏菲亚，向莫斯科城而去，顷刻之间，猎宫中冷清清地只剩下韦小宝和双儿两人。韦小宝心下气愤，骂道：“他妈的，这罗刹公主过桥抽板，新人上了床，媒人丢过墙。她做了女沙皇，可不要我们啦。”双儿微笑道：“你想女沙皇封你做男皇后，是不是？”韦小宝道：“啊，你取笑我？瞧我不捉住你？”说着向双儿扑去。双儿嗤的一笑，闪身避过。其时方当初夏，天气和暖。猎宫中繁花如锦，百鸟争鸣，只是罗刹国花卉虫鸟和中土大异，花色丽而不香，鸟声怪而不和，韦小宝乃市井鄙夫，于这等分别毫不理会，和双儿在猎宫中到处游荡，无人前来打扰，倒也自得其乐。
A horse was fetched for her and soon she was on her way to Moscow, nobles and musketeers riding in close formation about her, like swarming bees round their queen, leaving Trinket and Doublet all on their own in the deserted lodge. Trinket was indignant. Tamardy!’ he said. Talk about throwing away the plank when you’ve crossed the stream! This Russian princess won’t have much use for us when she’s Lady Tsar.’ ‘Were you hoping she’d invite you to be her Empress?’ Doublet giggled, dodging the threatened thumping. But Trinket’s ill’humour didn’t last very long. It was early summer now and everywhere flowers were blooming and birds were singing. Though it wasn’t much like China, the countryside round the lodge was very pretty. With no one else to bother them, Trinket and Doublet, for the time being at least, were very happy.

如此过得七八日，苏菲亚忽然派了一小队兵来，接二人进宫。韦小宝走进苏菲亚的寝宫，只见她头发散乱，伸足狠踢家具，只踢得砰嘭大响，正在大发脾气。她见韦小宝到来，登时脸有喜色，叫道：“中国小孩快来，出主意，想法子。”
Seven or eight days had already passed in agreeable isolation when a small detachment of mounted soldiers arrived from Moscow with orders to invite them to the palace.When they were in the Kremlin and Trinket had been conducted to the room where the Princess was, he found her in the midst of one of her rages. Her hair was flying wildly about her shoulders and she appeared to be attempting to demolish a piece of furniture by kicking it violently with one foot. On catching sight of Trinket her expression immediately changed to one of delight.’Ah, Chinese boy! Must quickly help with plan!’

韦小宝心道：“你如不是遇上了难题，原也不会想到我。这一次可得敲笔竹杠，不能这么容易便帮你想计策了。”问道：“女沙皇陛下，你有甚么难题？”苏菲亚不住摇头，说道：“我女沙皇，不是，他们，不肯，我，女沙皇，做的。”
‘Oh, you’re in trouble, are you?’ he thought. ‘So that’s why you’ve suddenly remembered me! Well, my dear, if you want any help from me this time, you’ll have to pay for it.’ But what he said was”What’s the problem, Your Imperial Highness?”Me Lady Tsar’ she shook her head several times, ‘no, no! They no want.’

说了半天，韦小宝这才明白，原来罗刹国向来规矩，女子不能做沙皇。皇太后娜达丽亚虽然已死，仍有大批不少将军拥戴小沙皇彼得，坚决不肯废了他。这时城中乱事已经平定，苏菲亚虽得火枪营拥戴，但众大臣已然有备，调了大队哥萨克骑兵驻在莫斯科城外，随时可应召入城。苏菲亚再要号召火枪营作乱，已大为不易。连日来克里姆林宫中会议，王公大臣分为两派，一派拥戴苏菲亚，一派拥戴彼得，争持不决。拥戴沙皇彼得的，都是手握实权的将军大臣，生怕女沙皇登位，另行任用新人当权；而拥戴苏菲亚的，则是一批不得意的贵族和商人，只盼新主上台，自己有油水好捞。苏菲亚幸得火枪营拥戴，有兵权在手，保皇派还不敢怎样，但保皇派能指挥哥萨克骑兵，实力殊不可侮。两派如果开火，胜败倒也难说。韦小宝心想：“这种国家大事，我是弄不懂的，有甚么屁计策想得出？不如溜之大吉，滚他妈的咸鸭蛋，免得他们两派混战起来，把韦小宝轰成了罗刹鱼子酱。”眼珠子一转，说道：“那容易得很，法子自然有的。不过我有……我要敲竹杠。”他本想说“我有条款”，但罗刹话说不上来，索性说了扬州话“敲竹杠”。苏菲亚问道：“甚么‘敲猪缸’？”
It took her rather a long time to give him a clear picture of what the situation was. It seemed that discussions about the succession had been going on in the Kremlin for several days in the course of which two parties had emerged’ Peter’s party, mostly older men who had held high office in the previous reign and who thought that with a young boy as Tsar the real power would be in their hands and they would be able to hold on to what they had got, and Princess Sophia’s party, mostly the discontented and ambitious, who thought there would be rich pickings and a chance of advancement for them under a completely new regime. There was no precedent in Russian history for a woman ruler, so the older, more conservative boyars had been able to make this a reason for opposing the Princess’ enthronement and the debate had raged back and forth without conclusion. What made it difficult and potentially dangerous to conclude was the fact that, although inside Moscow itself the Princess had the support of the musketeers, or stryeltsi as they were called, the opposition was able to call on the support of Cossack regiments outside the city.’You have plan?’ asked the Princess hopefully.’Of course’ said Trinket, though he hadn’t the faintest idea how matters of such great import could be settled; ‘but I need a bit of oil in the works to get me thinking.”Oil?’ said the Princess.

韦小宝道：“敲竹杠就是……这个……我的法子，不能够，送给你。你给我东西，很多，很多，我再给你，法子。”苏菲亚大喜，忙道：“很好，很好，敲猪缸，我们大家敲猪缸！你要甚么，我都答应。你是不是想做我的男皇后？”韦小宝一惊：“这可不敢领教。要娶老婆，阿珂可比你好得多了。就是双儿这小丫头，也大大胜过你全身是毛的罗刹女人。”笑道：“做你的男皇后，当然很好，不过这样一来，你可做不成女沙皇了。”苏菲亚忙问原因。韦小宝道：“因为……这个那个辣块妈妈不开花！”他一时之间想不出理由充份的说辞，便随口讲些扬州土话，甚么“乖乖龙的东，猪油炒大葱”，苏菲亚那里懂得？问道：“是不是中国人做男皇后，罗刹人要不高兴？”韦小宝忙道：“是呀！罗刹男人，自己，说自己美貌，做不成男皇后，恨你，打你。”苏菲亚心想不错，罗刹男人确要吃醋，说道：“你不做我男皇后，别的要甚么，我都答应。”
‘I mean … that is … Look, you want plan, right’ You give me things, much, much things, I give you plan.’ ‘Oh, this sort of oil for works. Very good. I marry you. Make man’wife. Like Tsarina.’ Trinket thought of the Princess’ body, covered with a down of minute golden hairs, and was not tempted. ‘No, that wouldn’t do. Very nice for me, I’m sure, but your Russian men would never stand for it.’ ‘If not man’wife, you want what?’ said the Princess. ‘Ask anything, I give.’

韦小宝道：“第一，我要做罗刹大官。”苏菲亚道：“这个容易，我做成了女沙皇后，便封你为伯爵，去管东方的鞑靼人。你黄面孔，低鼻子；鞑靼人，也是黄面孔，低鼻子。他们服你。”韦小宝道：“第二件，你和中国皇帝，不可打仗。你写信，我送去北京，罗刹女沙皇和中国皇帝，做好朋友，亲亲嘴，抱抱。中国兵很厉害，个个会魔法，手指一点，罗刹兵不会动了。打仗，罗刹人死了。我爱你，你死了，我哭了！”苏菲亚一听之下，登时大为感动。双儿出手点穴，火枪营的副队长和六名正副小队长立时不会动弹，苏菲亚是亲眼所见。她不知这是中国的上乘武功，甚是难学，即令韦小宝也是不会，还道中国人当真个个会此魔法，心想若和中国皇帝打仗，自是有输无赢，难得这中国小孩对自己一片真情，当即伸臂将他抱住，在他嘴上深深一吻，说道：“中国小孩，我也爱你。很好，罗刹兵打不过中国兵，大家不打，做好朋友。”啧的一声，又吻了他一下，问道：“还有甚么敲猪缸？再敲，再敲好啦！”韦小宝想了一想，道：“没有了。”
Trinket laid out his conditions. One. He must be given some high’ranking Russian office. That was easy, said the Princess. She would make him a count and send him to govern the East Russian Tartars. He had a yellow face and a small, flat nose like theirs, so they would gladly accept him as their governor. Two. She must renounce war with China and write a letter to the Chinese Emperor in Peking promising peace and friendship which Trinket would deliver for her. The Princess had seen in the person of Doublet just how formidable even a young Chinese girl could be. A whole nation of grown men with such powers as these was not to be tampered with. Certainly there should be no war. Moreover she felt a sincere affection for this remarkable Chinese boy, whom she now embraced and gave a big kiss to prove it. ‘Is more oil for works?’ she asked him. ‘Nothing else.’

苏菲亚道：“好，你快教我，怎样做女沙皇。”韦小宝心想这件事可不容易，只得东拉西扯，询问朝廷中的事情，想不出计策，便假装听不懂她话。苏菲亚渐渐觉察他在使奸，脸色便难看起来，说道：“你如骗我，我把你杀了。”韦小宝大急，忙道：“不骗，不骗！”苏菲亚道：“那么我要做女沙皇，甚么法子？”韦小宝道：“这个……这个……”苏菲亚怒道：“甚么这个、这个？朝里一派拥护我，一派反对我，两派要打仗。我这派如果输了，那怎么办？”韦小宝忽然想起，曾听小皇帝说过，满洲太祖皇帝当年立了四个贝勒。大贝勒代善、二贝勒阿敏、三贝勒莽古尔泰、四贝勒皇太极。（韦小宝当然记不清四个贝勒的名字。）四个贝勒当时都有大权，颇有纷争，后来四贝勒皇太极得大贝勒代善支持，才压倒了对方，接承大位。因此代善一系，颇有权势，康亲王杰书就是代善的后人。他想到此事，便道：“不要打，慢慢来。你和彼得，都做沙皇。将来，反对你的大臣、将军，一个一个，慢慢杀了。你再杀彼得，再做女沙皇。”苏菲亚觉得此计倒也甚妙，不过众大臣一直说女子不能做沙皇，可真气人，于是将这情形说了。韦小宝心想清朝开国之初，顺治皇爷还是个小皇帝，大权都在摄政王多尔衮手中，便道：“你不能做女沙皇，就先做摄政王。”苏菲亚问：“甚么是摄政王？”韦小宝道：“摄政王，不是沙皇，但是可以下命令杀人，打人屁股，可以赏钱，升他们的官。沙皇，假的，没有力气。摄政王，真的，有力气，能杀人，打人屁股，能给人升官，能赏钱，人人都怕，都听摄政王的话，不听沙皇的话。”
‘Now, plan’ she said. But of course Trinket had no plan, and when he had ‘ummed’ and ‘ahed’ for quite a while, there were signs of an incipient storm. ‘You cheat me, yes?’ ‘No, no, no,’ he said. ‘I’m just thinking.’ Which was true enough. But then he had an inspiration. Hadn’t he once been told that when Kang Xi’s father Shun Zhi, who was still a boy at the time, was enthroned as the first Emperor of the new Qing dynasty, the real ruler was his uncle Dorgon, who was called the Regent’ ‘If they won’t let you be Lady Tsar’ he said, ‘you could be a Regent.’ ‘What is “Regent”” ‘Well, a Regent is the one who has all the power’ he can have people killed, or beaten, or give them jobs, or money. Everyone’s afraid of a Regent. They do what the Regent says, not what the Tsar says.’

苏菲亚大喜，大叫：“赫拉笑！赫拉笑！”拥戴苏菲亚的王公将军人数较少，苏菲亚将其中为首的召进宫来，将韦小宝所献的计策和众人商议。苏菲亚掌握了莫斯科的兵权，但不能登基为女沙皇，主因在于无此先例。众大臣听到设立“摄政王”的计谋，都觉极妙，只须大权在手，做不做沙皇也没多大分别。众人商酌良久，又想了一条法子出来，立苏菲亚的同胞弟弟伊凡为大沙皇，让彼得仍做沙皇，乃是小沙皇。大小沙皇并立，免得拥彼得一派的人反对。苏菲亚公主则是“摄政女王”，处理一切朝政。众人计议已定，苏菲亚立即聚集火枪营，再召集全体王公大臣，将这新法子宣示出来。她又向众大臣担保，决不任意罢免各人的职司，凡是拥护这办法的，一律升赏。众王公大臣见自己权位利益并无所损，又不坏了前朝的规矩，当下均无异议。“拥苏派”中有人首先引导，向苏菲亚女摄政王躬身行礼，余人尽皆跟随。苏菲亚大喜，命人去请弟弟伊凡到来，又将小沙皇彼得从酒窖中放了出来，两人并为大小沙皇。她自己坐在两个弟弟的下首，百官奏事，升赏黜陟，都由女摄政王裁决。其时伊凡十六岁，彼得十岁，年幼识浅，一切全听姊姊的主张。
The Princess thought this was very ‘harra shaw’ and put the idea of a regency to the leaders of her party, who in turn floated it at the general council of the boyars. The idea was an innovation, but most of them were willing to accept any sort of fudge that would avoid having a female Tsar, particularly when it was suggested that those who held high office in the past were to keep their jobs and emoluments, and that everyone who acquiesced in the new arrangement, whatever side they had originally taken, would receive promotion and generous awards. After a certain amount of discussion it was finally decided that there should be o, joint Tsars’ the Princess’ halfwitted teenage brother Ivan should be Senior Tsar, her ten’year’old half’brother Peter should be Junior Tsar, and Princess Sophia should be Regent and rule on their behalf.

Trinket Returns

苏菲亚大权在握，心想此事那中国小孩大官厥功甚伟，若不是他接连想了几个巧妙主意出来，自己此刻还是被关在猎宫之中，再过得几个月，皇太后娜达丽亚多半会逼迫自己落发为尼，在尼姑庵中幽闭一世。想到这悲惨命运，温暖的夏天立时变成严冬，当下把韦小宝传来，大大称赞。韦小宝心想我那些法子，在中国人看来半点也不希奇，我在中国是个臭皮匠，到了罗刹国却变成了诸葛亮，真正好笑。他正想吹几句牛皮，忽然一想不妙，这个罗刹公主倘若从此要我做“罗刹诸葛亮”，把我留在身边，从此不放我回去，那可乖乖不得了，便道：“女摄政王娘娘，你做了摄政王，将来再做女沙皇，那就容易得很了。只须遵守一件事，人人就都服你。”苏菲亚问道：“甚么事？快快说给我听。”韦小宝道：“一言既出，三头马车难追。”原来罗刹人的马车，以三匹马拖拉，不同中国人之四马拖拉，因此中国的“驷马难追”，在罗刹国成了“三头马车难追”。苏菲亚不懂，问道：“甚么三头马车难追？”
Now that this was all settled, the Princess, or the Regent Sophia as she now was, felt deeply grateful to this little Chinese boy, but for whom, she now reflected, she might have been forced to end her days immured in some dismal nunnery. Trinket’s knowledge of statecraft was nil, but she was beginning to look on him almost as a sage. At first he found this gratifying, but then he began to worry. ‘I hope she doesn’t decide that I’m indis-, indis-, I mean, that she can’t do without me’ he thought. ‘Holy ting’a’lings! She might keep me here in Russia for ever!’ He resolved to tackle her.’My Lady Regent’ he said, ‘play things right, and you’ll probably end up making yourself Lady Tsar anyway. There’s just one thing you’ve got to do, though, to make it work.’ ‘What that thing?’ she said. ‘Quick, tell!’ ‘You must show that your word is your wand.’ (He could never get this right.)’Wand’ What wand?’

韦小宝道：“说过了的话，一定要算数。我们中国皇帝说的话，叫做皇帝的金口，那是决计反悔不得的。”苏菲亚恍然大悟，笑道：“我答应过你的事，你怕我反悔，是不是？亲爱的中国小孩，罗刹女摄政王的说话，是宝石口，比你们中国皇帝的金口还要贵重。”当下她以大小沙皇之名颁下谕旨，封韦小宝为管领东方鞑靼地方的伯爵，又命大臣写了一通国书，致送中国皇帝，由韦小宝送去，再派一名俄国使臣，带领两队哥萨克骑兵护送，金银财物，赏赐了不少。韦小宝贿赂她的那十几万两银票，也都捡出来还他。此外并有许多送给中国皇帝的礼物，均是貂皮、宝石等罗刹国的贵重特产。这时苏菲亚已选了好几名罗刹国的俊男相陪，再也不来同韦小宝亲热。但韦小宝辞别那一天，苏菲亚想起这几个月来的恩情，又感激他建策首义的大功，甚是恋恋不舍。（注：据俄罗斯正史所载，火枪手作乱，是在五月十五至十七的三日之中。）五有廿九日，火枪营在苏菲亚指使之下，上书请伊凡和彼得并为沙皇，请苏菲亚公主摄政，裁决军国大事。乱事大定，已在六月中旬。
‘I mean, if you say you’ll do something, you have to do it. Never, never go back on what you say. Word precious. No break. Then everyone trust you. Everyone obey you.’ ‘Yes, yes, yes. My word very precious. Gold wand; diamond wand. No break.’ ‘Good’ said Trinket. ‘Now do you remember those two things you promised me?’ ‘Yes, yes’ she said. And she was as good as her word. An Edict was promulgated in the name of the two Tsars creating Trinket Count of the Eastern Tartar Region, and a great minister was ordered to compose a letter for him to deliver to the Chinese Emperor. A Russian ambassador was appointed to accompany him. He was to receive a great number of precious gifts and to be reimbursed for the money he had given the Princess and Golitsyn in Albazin. And there were to be two companies of Cossack cavalry to escort him on his journey east. After a fond farewell with the tearful Princess, the cavalcade set off some time in mid-June.

其时天气和暖，韦小宝跨下骏马，于两队哥萨克骑兵拥卫之下，在西伯利亚大草原上向东疾驰，和风拂面，蹄声盈耳，左顾俏丫头双儿雪肤樱唇，右盼罗刹国使臣碧眼黄须，貂皮财物，满载相随，当真意气风发之至，心想：“这次死里逃生，不但保了小命，还帮罗刹公主立了一场大功，全靠老子平日听得书多，看得戏多。”中国立国数千年，争夺帝皇权位、造反斫杀，经验之丰，举世无与伦比。韦小宝所知者只是民间流传的一些皮毛，却已足以扬威异域，居然助人谋朝篡位，安邦定国。其实此事说来亦不希奇，满清开国将帅粗鄙无学，行军打仗的种种谋略，主要从一部《三国演义》小说中得来。当年清太宗使反间计，骗得崇祯皇帝自毁长城，杀了大将袁崇焕，就是抄袭《三国演义》中周瑜使计、令曹操斩了自己水军都督的故事。实则周瑜骗得曹操杀水军都督，历史上并无其事，乃是出于小说家杜撰，不料小说家言，后来竟尔成为事实，关涉到中国数百年气运，世事之奇，那更胜于小说了。满人入关后开疆拓土，使中国版图几为明朝之三倍，远胜于汉唐全盛之时，余荫直至今日，小说、戏剧、说书之功，亦殊不可没。
All that summer they were travelling across Russia. The weather was warm and sunny. Riding through the Siberian grasslands, mounted on a splendid horse, at the head of the long train of Cossack cavalry, with his pretty maid Doublet riding on his left hand and the blond’haired, blue’eyed Russian ambassador on his right, Trinket could be forgiven for feeling on top of the world. The ignorant Yangzhou urchin had played a part in history! But you will search in vain for Trinket in the Russian records. You can read about Princess Sophia and the stryeltsi rising; but you could hardly expect a serious historian to believe the strange, rather disreputable facts that we have been recording.

（按：俄罗斯火枪手作乱，伊凡、彼得大小沙皇并立，苏菲亚为女摄政王等事，确为史实。但韦小宝其人参与此事，则俄人以此事不雅，有辱国体，史书中并无记载。其时中国史官以未曾目睹，且蛮方异域之怪事，耳食传闻，不宜录之于中华正史，以致此事湮没。）